Parents driving my crazy!!!

[Jimbo15]

My parents are not strict but say if I want to do one thing then they would Seggest another thing. I play football and I want to move teams and I have tried but no matter what they do something behind my back and do something that I don't want to do. They let me see people but when something big or something that I don't get to do a lot then they stop me from doing things that I want to do. The only way I can do things which I love is that going behind their backs and then they don't know but I hate doing that because I don't want to go behind their back and be dishonest to them. They can't seem to let me go and let me live my life!

[pcplod]

You don't say what age you are, and you don't give much in the way of specific examples, so it is hard to know what to say. Within what are normally accepted boundaries the tensions between parents and their children are actually normal and inevitable and they do change, evolve over a period of years. It is only where the substance of the tension is abnormal that exceptional advice would be warranted.

 

If you are still young, what you may not have yet developed in a significant way is to learn to negotiate, barter for more acceptable terms of freedom for yourself, distinguishing between what still are key responsibilities for your parents, especially in the eyes of the law, and what is reasonable for you to take on as responsibilities for yourself on an evolving basis.

 

What is not acceptable is for your parents to try to relive their lives through you; they've had their chances. Also it sounds as if negotiation may not be their strong card either, or at least they may not have sufficient confidence in negotiating with you.

 

Maybe it is time to get into training on that front and amply demonstrate to them that you can be trusted in negotiation. Be firm but reasonable. Don't throw tantrums and don't sulk. Like arguing with a referee, there is little evidence that either gives positive outcomes.