Working with an insecure boyfriend

[Lovingdreams]

I entered into my relationship 6 months ago with what i can only describe as the man of my dreams.

We both had bad relationships which we broke up from at the beginning of the year and were friends in the beginning and realized we wanted to be together.

I can admit i do get jealous when i know he has to talk to his ex as they have some commitments together which need to be sorted legally but I know he is 100% committed to me and i am to him and i push aside my jealousy and when they do meet, i don't contact him so that i am not smothering him... something which i was scared of since i began dating that i became possessive or insecure.

 

However, my boyfriend is displaying all the traits of insecurity and im scared. It has frustrated me at times, i get scared he's convincing himself of his insecurities and no matter how much i preach to him that i love him, every couple of days he displays something else which i need to try and ease his insecurities about.

 

he often "jokes" about "if i find someone else, someone better then he will step aside and let me be happy but he will be heartbroken...." etc etc

 

he does contact when im out with friends which i don't mind the occasional checkup to make sure im ok because i find it lovely he cares about me that much but occasionally i have had to contact my ex and meet him to sort things out (thankfully we are still good friends) and he contacts a lot more and then becomes rather down and depressed at night when i return so i have to call him to make sure hes ok. when im out with friends, he doesnt get depressed and seems ok when i talk to him.

He is well aware i have no feelings for my ex anymore except friendship and i feel i have shown him enough that i do honestly think he believes me that there are no other feelings but the jeleousy does pop up when i do meet him.

Also when i post on facebook, he makes jokes about the guys who contact me and again jokes like the first issue, that if i want to go to one of them then he wont stand in my way etc etc

 

hes got low self esteem, i do myself but i feel i need to keep telling him how much i love him and how much i want to be with him.

 

when he's not staying with me, he likes to skype every night so we can chat - i, personally, dont mind this, because i do miss him a hell of a lot when hes away but its as if he needs ot make sure im ok and needs to see me.

When i lived alone, he practically stayed with me every night, now i have had to move in with a friend to save money, he cant stay as much so whenever he can see/stay with me, we take it - im not complaining but i realized i don't get much time to do stuff myself and worried he isnt getting time to do his own thing too.

 

Despite the insecurities, he is me, i know him so well and he knows me so well, we get on amazingly, we just feel so comfortable together and it was an instant connection before we began dating.

I love this man so much - i admit, when we began seeing each other we did jump in pretty quickly but we knew each other so much that the "getting ot know each other" part passed really quickly.

I am early 30s and been in a few relationships including a decade long relationship which i split from and he had a similar relationship which he split from (both of us ended it, not the partners)

Deep down (and i know im getting ahead of myself) but i can see myself with him in the future, i want to be with him, i want to grow old with him. i dont mind spending every single moment with him because im happy but im scared incase the other issues of jealousy or insecurity overtakes things.

 

im pretty certain people here have came across this, could someone give me advice how to approach this subject delicately and how to hopefully ease his mind. I love him so much that im scared these issues are hampering things.

[todreaminblue]

when people are insecure it is so easy fro other people to say get over it tell the baby to grow up blah blah........do insecurities get better??? the majority of the time they do, if you have a partner who is loving kind and accepting.....insecurities are often an integral part that makes up a persons belief system, they are ingrained either through circumstances or instilled actions with that person that have had an affect...it is part of who they are..it si a flaw and no one person is ever meant not to have flaws.....that would eb ....PERFECTION...some people don't give a crap...and some people are insecure.....and have insecurities the only thing you can do is be supportive and over time they dissipate.......i think he sounds sweet,I remember once having a discussion with my ex......saying i felt lucky to have him and sometimes i felt guilty because my friends were single mothers....i wish they would find soemone who was like him....then i came back to reality when he cheated on me the first time...i gave him confidence....but too much......for the wrong guy.....spewin....smilin...such is life.......i know though you can give guys who are insecure confidence, make them feel on top of the world feel comfortable, at ease and insecurities dissipate...as i said i gave my build up skills to the wrong guy...next guy isnt going to be wrong......not for me ...i do deserve a nice guy.....to stand beside me........and for him to give as good i give....just keep doing what you are doing, he is a keeper,be there for him when he needs you to be....hugs...best wishes....deb