Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

[ataloss8270]

I feel horrible. After seeing all this talk about BPD on some of these threads, I did some research on the disorder and I found out that I have BPD and my wife was my co-dependent. I wish I would have found out about this disorder along time ago and took care of it. It explains a lot about all my relationships I have ever had . And I may have lost a great women because of my issues

 

I am already in councling and I've sent my councler an email about what I have found. Does anyone know of anything I can do to help me overcome my disorder?

[health]

Are you talking about Bipolar disorder?

Just because you read symptoms online

Doesnt mean you have it! Careful on how

You label your health! A doctor would have

To diagnose you. Learn, grieve, heal.

[trippi1432]

Hey ataloss - Please don't self-diagnose by what you read here or on tests online, only a licensed and trained psychologist can diagnose this. If you want your counselor to recommend a licensed and trained person, ask them to refer you to one. But please do not take anything on these forums as the gospel.

[trippi1432]

Are you talking about Bipolar disorder?

Just because you read symptoms online

Doesnt mean you have it! Careful on how

You label your health! A doctor would have

To diagnose you. Learn, grieve, heal.

 

Exactly!! BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)...none of these disorders can be self-diagnosed.

[ataloss8270]

Exactly!! BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)...none of these disorders can be self-diagnosed.

 

OK I will talk to my councler about it and see what she says. I'll see her tomarrow.

[bpdr]

Borderline Personality Disorder cannot be effectively treated with standard MC or IC methods. If ever. Sadly, you're condition lacks therapists willing to engage this PD with conventional methodology.

 

Even meds will not help treating this disorder, as there is no medicinal way to correct what has already happened to your core psychological well being since from you were around 3-9 years of age. Some diagnostics have traced it back to the womb, when your mother first conceived. Others have found that emotional trauma experienced early on cause abandonment or stress disorders have created an environment you feel is "Drama" intensive, or playing "Victim"

 

When someone, casually interacts with you - no problem. But, if someone gets romantically, or physically involved with you - the quirks become apparent thereafter very shortly when you realize you are threatened emotionally. If abandonment issues become apparent - you begin the "Push/Pull" effect of driving your partner away. Then "Hoover" them back into the relationship by using ploys, and seduction.

 

The initial "Highs" of such a relationship are seductive.

 

BPDR's are romanticized initially by being attracted to their target of affection. Almost to a degree of obsession. Once, acquired - they no longer feel the need to obsess and begin to emotionally "Check out" of the relationship. Married or otherwise.

 

Do you feel as if you meet this criteria?

 

If so, the very FIRST step is accepting the knowledge of it.

 

Secondly, there is help - ONLY IF YOU....are willing to transform yourself.

 

Seeking acceptance of your condition, and understanding it - knowing you MIGHT not EVER be healthy is a first step. Borderline Personality disorder is a very tricky one - as most of those that have it, do not realize they do.

 

Seems to me, you are willing to work on this...and I commend you.

 

But, the statistics are weighed heavily against you for healing 100% I assure you. I was married to one of these devils - and she was a handful. I would never wish this disorder on even my worst of enemies. It's that dreadful. You may PM me on this subject as I truly wish and hope you might find salvation dealing with this PD trait. It's an awful one to be sure.

 

In the meantime - STAY OUT of any relationships. Please TRY to get healthy first. There are MANY clinicians that WILL NOT Treat you, as they feel you MAY manipulate them during your sessions. Some therapists have been overcome by these patients, therefore just know you have a very difficult road ahead of you.

 

Lastly, I wish you all the best in soul searching this disorder for treatment.

 

There is a PD "Toolbox" available for further diagnostic symptoms and help for those close to you - as well as a support forum for family members dealing with BPD or NPD. Check it: Out of the FOG - The Non-PD Toolbox

 

Wishing you the very best outcome - I hope you find your way.

 

Best wishes always,

BPDR

Edited January 4, 2013 by bpdr

[Feelin Frisky]

Borderline personality disorder is what used to be called a number of different "complexes". Even now there is no one definition of what it is, just that at a certain stage of development some people develop traits that make them almost impossible to sustain a relationship with. I almost married one so I have some knowledge but I can only relate it through my experience of her. Somewhere in her youth it became so unbearable to accept "fault" or "responsibility for error" that she actually developed a splintered personality--almost a split personality but nothing as overt as Cybil of the Three Face of Eve. She would be fine for a while but then say something that was uncalled for and hurtful. Like after a weekend and love-making where we barley spoke and just had constant sex, you'd think that would bring you closer, no? Suddenly she'd concoct scenarios that involved me being unfaithful. It hurt and it angered me because I had felt I earned her trust.

 

And that was her issue. Trust. I don't know who did it to her and when but she could not sustain trust. Every time things were going well she'd thrown me a curve that made my jaw drop. And because I didn't know about complexes of BPD I'd fight with her to try to remind her of the reasons she should give me that benefit of the doubt. And how did she react? She would evade responsibility for the betrayal and take on a different personality. She'd start weeping that I started yelling at her for no reason. I just wanted to be happy like every other jerk. I eventually found out that she had behaved with another man that she married two years before. He divorced her at 23. Can you imagine being so sure you want someone you married out of your life at that age. But in the conversation I had with her mother she told me the exact same pattern drove him to divorce and alimony. I only wished I had some clue. But I kept hoping and the more I invested, the more I lost and the more bitter I became about it. There is no medicine to fix it, but there is medicine that can help people who accept responsibility and fess up that the bad energy indeed emanates from them. It's not everyone else's fault.

[Gunny376]

I self diagnosed myself as an Azzhole! I'm pretty sure that I am one! I know that I can be one at times! Just ask my X-wife! And I'm fairly certain that Ms Gunny can back that one up!

 

I guess part of that goes with being a Marine Gunny ~ its a known and given fact that Marine Gunny's can be such! Its not as though they teach it at the Staff Non-commissioned Officer's Academy ~ I think it just comes via osmosis from wearing the chevrons. Or from having to deal with Privates and 2nd Lt's?

 

Being out here in 1st Civ Div (Civilan la~la land) doesn't make it any easier. There's a lot more idiots and stupdity out here. All these people running around in circles, screaming and shouting with their hands up in the air ~ AND NO ONE REALLY IN CHARGE!

 

I think we've ALL have at least a little ~ more or less ~ of this or that disorder in us at one time or another in our lives! Life can get and be crazy at times ~ and it can and does make us crazy! Life comes at your quick. Sometimes it just too damn ridiculious to live! But you've got to laugh and you've got to smile at it and about it!

 

Me, myself and I? I don't suffer from insanity? I enjoy every minute of it! But being a little crazy ~ well its help me from going insane!

 

All this discussion about mental disorders has helped me to finally grasp some understanding and apperciation about the XHEX, my marriage, and about my divorce. And through such ~ a little greater appreciation and understanding. Especially appreciation for DHX3 that the XHEX left me for! Tha' poor bastard! Its tempting to just jump the curb and run over him the next time he's out cutting the grass or something. just to end it and put him out of his misery! I would want and expect no less from him! :lmao:

 

But at the end of tha' day ~ all this crap that I've gone through with the XHEX and the re-bound GF ~ has lead me to Ms. Gunny ~ and she and it was worth it! If all we ever fight about is olives (I'm not kidding here ~ we actually had our biggest fall out over olives! Don't ask! :mad: ) We'll be A~OK!

Edited January 4, 2013 by Gunny376

[Emilia]

 

I am already in councling and I've sent my councler an email about what I have found. Does anyone know of anything I can do to help me overcome my disorder?

 

The fact that you have the self-awareness is half the battle. The reason why BPD is so hard to treat as that sufferers are unable to recognise it in themselves and deal with it. Good luck and keep us posted please. I think my ex has the same level of awareness as you, he has potential to overcome it too. Good luck

[GuyInLimbo]

I dated a girl with Borderline for 2.5 years and it was a nightmare. It's been over 10 years since we broke up and I still have PTSD over it at times.

[ataloss8270]

I am feeling better today after talking with my councler about my concerns about BPD. She told me that yes I have most of the traits that coincide with the disorder, but she doesn't feel that I am BPD. She feels that I do have a lot of PTSD from my childhood that I need to work hard on to overcome, and that the way our sessions are going she see that I am being to remember, relive, and overcome past events from my past that I have locked out of my memory for years. (It definitely is hard to relive the past when you don't even remember it, and its slowly comes back piece by piece) She also said our sessions are to comfortable for her and she doesn't get the vibe from me that she would with someone with this disorder. And that I am way to self aware about my short coming and I accept them, which someone WITH BPD would never be able to do.

 

I'm feeling a lot better about things now. I feel that I am on the road to becoming amentally healthy individual .

[trippi1432]

Good to hear ataloss, PTSD is quite common in these types of situations. Go easy on yourself and work on conquering the stress.

[Mack05]

The fact that you have the self-awareness is half the battle. The reason why BPD is so hard to treat as that sufferers are unable to recognise it in themselves and deal with it

 

I Agree with this. I am 99.9999% sure my ex has BPD. In my experience if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it's usually a duck. However there is no way in a million years she would haver come remotely close to admitting this to herself. In her head (despite me pointing out numerous pieces of evidence to the contrary) she is a rock solid emotionally mature woman, when nothing could be further for the truth.

 

Therefore respect for having to courage to recognise that there is something fundamentally wrong and wanting to find a permanent and not temporary solution. I don't believe you have BPD because of that fact you believe it could be the problem. Most BPDers blame, project, gaslight, deny, get more bitter and move on, completely oblivious as to why they have the problems they do in life. Much easier solution instead of opening up what is inside Pandora's box.

 

As was said above its vital not to self diagnose. Head to a therapist (qualified in this specific area) and discuss your issues at length with him/her. Once you become self aware as to what your issues are then you can resolve them and avoid making the same mistakes in the future. Therapy is the way to go here whether its BPD or not they will help you piece things together.

 

I have read in books that most Therapists will not diagnose a high functioning BPDER knowing his/her fragile Pysche can't handle the truth. With your honesty and willingness to look at BPD as a potential problem it will be interesting as to what a professional says.

 

Best of luck to you.

Edited January 5, 2013 by Mack05

[Feelin Frisky]

Borderline Personality Disorder cannot be effectively treated with standard MC or IC methods. If ever. Sadly, you're condition lacks therapists willing to engage this PD with conventional methodology.

 

Even meds will not help treating this disorder, as there is no medicinal way to correct what has already happened to your core psychological well being since from you were around 3-9 years of age. Some diagnostics have traced it back to the womb, when your mother first conceived. Others have found that emotional trauma experienced early on cause abandonment or stress disorders have created an environment you feel is "Drama" intensive, or playing "Victim"

 

When someone, casually interacts with you - no problem. But, if someone gets romantically, or physically involved with you - the quirks become apparent thereafter very shortly when you realize you are threatened emotionally. If abandonment issues become apparent - you begin the "Push/Pull" effect of driving your partner away. Then "Hoover" them back into the relationship by using ploys, and seduction.

 

The initial "Highs" of such a relationship are seductive.

 

BPDR's are romanticized initially by being attracted to their target of affection. Almost to a degree of obsession. Once, acquired - they no longer feel the need to obsess and begin to emotionally "Check out" of the relationship. Married or otherwise.

 

Do you feel as if you meet this criteria?

 

If so, the very FIRST step is accepting the knowledge of it.

 

Secondly, there is help - ONLY IF YOU....are willing to transform yourself.

 

Seeking acceptance of your condition, and understanding it - knowing you MIGHT not EVER be healthy is a first step. Borderline Personality disorder is a very tricky one - as most of those that have it, do not realize they do.

 

Seems to me, you are willing to work on this...and I commend you.

 

But, the statistics are weighed heavily against you for healing 100% I assure you. I was married to one of these devils - and she was a handful. I would never wish this disorder on even my worst of enemies. It's that dreadful. You may PM me on this subject as I truly wish and hope you might find salvation dealing with this PD trait. It's an awful one to be sure.

 

In the meantime - STAY OUT of any relationships. Please TRY to get healthy first. There are MANY clinicians that WILL NOT Treat you, as they feel you MAY manipulate them during your sessions. Some therapists have been overcome by these patients, therefore just know you have a very difficult road ahead of you.

 

Lastly, I wish you all the best in soul searching this disorder for treatment.

 

There is a PD "Toolbox" available for further diagnostic symptoms and help for those close to you - as well as a support forum for family members dealing with BPD or NPD. Check it: Out of the FOG - The Non-PD Toolbox

 

Wishing you the very best outcome - I hope you find your way.

 

Best wishes always,

BPDR

 

I highly commend your post. It seems we shared the same sting. Before meeting my e/x I had gotten very out of shape in a previous relationship and when it was over I worked very hard on myself. I lost 120 lbs over a year and and a half through daily long solitary walks around the Brooklyn water front by the Verrazano Bridge. I was about 31 and had a wonderful renaissance--learning to dress for success, returning to school--just really wanted to meet someone then and settle down. She was so seductive and seemingly my ideal. It absolutely destroyed me as the rocky relationship lasted two years and I lost that discipline I had worked so hard to develop. I wasn't the "new me" long enough before getting involved with someone so diabolically problematic and I couldn't recover.

 

I found your post informative. I am not aware that mental health professionals won't even take these cases. My experience was in the late 80's, early 90's and SSRIs were just coming out. I needed the help they provided just to begin to shut out the emotional noise of what had gone wrong--trying to marry a bpd sufffer (who did not know herself what it was). I don't think I've ever really accomplished that even with 20 years passing. Good luck, just wanted to do a little more than just press the "like" button on what you wrote.

[Star Gazer]

Frisky: I wouldn't say mental health professionals refuse to see those with BPD. In speaking with my own therapist about someone in my life with that disorder, she informed me that BPDs (and NPDs) typically walk out of her office during the first session, and never make it past the second. They don't like being told how they can improve; they're never in the wrong, they're just "misunderstood" because they're "so special and unique."

 

Blah.

 

So they will take these cases, of course. They're just rarely, if ever, successful.

[todreaminblue]

I feel horrible. After seeing all this talk about BPD on some of these threads, I did some research on the disorder and I found out that I have BPD and my wife was my co-dependent. I wish I would have found out about this disorder along time ago and took care of it. It explains a lot about all my relationships I have ever had . And I may have lost a great women because of my issues

 

I am already in councling and I've sent my councler an email about what I have found. Does anyone know of anything I can do to help me overcome my disorder?

 

 

I am glad you spoke to a counselor and she has informed you that you are not BPD, reading stuff about mental illness online is a big mistake........i fit probably a dozen illnesses, they have diagonosed me as schizo affective that is on record and unfortunately certified also compounded by clinical depression,

 

 

my last therapist i opened up a little she was female most of the time its men they give me a team of men which was brilliant......i am being sarcastic .......

 

 

this one time it was female, and she told me i have symptoms of ptsd.....i already knew i had it.

 

 

 

I have symptoms of BPD.I AM NOT BPD.....i get manic, i am ocd i have extreme highs and lows, basically they guinea pig me,different medications havent had fun with the medication trip, i produced three hundred times the eStrogen levels one route they took....300 times that were normal in a woman's body so i was 300 women having pms at once....nooooooooot fun, that was all from medication.The last one supported me with finding my faith that shocked me, and lifted my heart.Agreed with exercise and is not bull dogging me, maybe they have given up i do what i want anyway.

 

 

 

My mental illness is tied in with hormones that's when i get a bit fruity, I actually can produce milk hanging around newborns..did when my daughter had a baby and my daughter in law to be....i truly am sympathetic to new mothers........lol.always meant to be a mother..so imagine an estrogen overload......medication and diagnosis on disorders is hit and miss.....try and be as honest with your doctor as you can so he/she sets you on a path to

 

hopefully a balance in your life......

 

 

ask a lot of questions on the side effects or possible side effects so you can make an informed decision....you should not go into it thinking they know everything, but you should be able to trust and how you do that is fire away with the questions.if they get pissed.find another therapist......best wishes and hugs....deb

Edited January 6, 2013 by todreaminblue

[Feelin Frisky]

Frisky: I wouldn't say mental health professionals refuse to see those with BPD. In speaking with my own therapist about someone in my life with that disorder, she informed me that BPDs (and NPDs) typically walk out of her office during the first session, and never make it past the second. They don't like being told how they can improve; they're never in the wrong, they're just "misunderstood" because they're "so special and unique."

 

Blah.

 

So they will take these cases, of course. They're just rarely, if ever, successful.

 

Oh, so true. Perhaps the one universal trait of the bpd person is their avoidance of responsibility for the grief they bring. When my e/x and I went to counselling together and I proceeded to talk of an example of how her behavior was irrational and unfair, the counselor asked her for her opinion. She laughed with the sense that we were talking about someone else. Duh. We're in couples counselling (obviously with no good result).

[Eternal Sunshine]

The treatment with best rate of success is group dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). I am on a waiting list for it myself (although I only suspect I have it and never was formally diagnosed).

[Mack05]

I highly commend your post. It seems we shared the same sting. Before meeting my e/x I had gotten very out of shape in a previous relationship and when it was over I worked very hard on myself. I lost 120 lbs over a year and and a half through daily long solitary walks around the Brooklyn water front by the Verrazano Bridge. I was about 31 and had a wonderful renaissance--learning to dress for success, returning to school--just really wanted to meet someone then and settle down. She was so seductive and seemingly my ideal. It absolutely destroyed me as the rocky relationship lasted two years and I lost that discipline I had worked so hard to develop. I wasn't the "new me" long enough before getting involved with someone so diabolically problematic and I couldn't recover.

 

I found your post informative. I am not aware that mental health professionals won't even take these cases. My experience was in the late 80's, early 90's and SSRIs were just coming out. I needed the help they provided just to begin to shut out the emotional noise of what had gone wrong--trying to marry a bpd sufffer (who did not know herself what it was). I don't think I've ever really accomplished that even with 20 years passing. Good luck, just wanted to do a little more than just press the "like" button on what you wrote.

 

Nice Post I can really reasonate with it as I went through a similar journey myself. Its quite remarkable how similar the stories are with people who have been involved with BPD relationships. I wouldn't wish BPD on my worst enemy. There is no way I could ever go back to a BPD relationship. The crazy bursts of anger, their odd versions of events which make you question your sanity, The projecting, gaslighting, the nasty verbal abuse.

 

The amount of things my ex would say Id be like what the hell are you talking about!? Just pure bizarre, yet for the longest time I thought I was the problem as at times (when she wasn't emotional) she seemed so strong and in control. BPDers try to manipulate weak men. The strong men recognise these signs, leave quickly and say no thanks.

 

I was one of those weak men. It was beyond frustrating, you saw the good in her yet you knew something wasnt right. You had an image in your head how you wanted her and the relationship to be and at times she would match it, but more often then not it was a constant struggle. It was the equivalent of showing her undeniable proof that the world was round, only for her to be adamant and say no its flat.

 

As BPDer said if people meet my ex on the street or in a bar they would notice absolutely nothing wrong with her. They would just see a super hot chick. Sadly the effect it has had on me has been pretty rough. I will avoid attractive girls with very troubled childhoods like the plague as I just cant relate to them. yes very harsh and yes very black and white, but i just can't put myself in the situation I found myself in the past two relationships. Most BPD stories on this site that I have read, including my own involve girls from troubled childhoods, very attractive, sexual and end up with codependent guys or narcissists. I was/am the former. I am only back to my old self now after a lot of hard work.

 

To anyone that has been in these relationships there is light at the end of the tunnel. The first step is to except you cant help or change your ex. Once you have done that then you can focus on why you ended up with a BPDer and try avoid these relationships in future. Once you understand yourself and the dynamics of what happened you can then move forward with optimism an find people who are deserving of your love..

Edited January 6, 2013 by Mack05

[todreaminblue]

Nice Post I can really reasonate with it as I went through a similar journey myself. Its quite remarkable how similar the stories are with people who have been involved with BPD relationships. I wouldn't wish BPD on my worst enemy. There is no way I could ever go back to a BPD relationship. The crazy bursts of anger, their odd versions of events which make you question your sanity, The projecting, gaslighting, the nasty verbal abuse.

 

The amount of things my ex would say Id be like what the hell are you talking about!? Just pure bizarre, yet for the longest time I thought I was the problem as at times (when she wasn't emotional) she seemed so strong and in control. BPDers try to manipulate weak men. The strong men recognise the signs, leave and say no thanks.

 

I was one of those weak men. It was beyond frustrating, you saw the good in her yet you knew something wasnt right. You had an image in your head how you wanted her to be and at times she would match it but more often then not it was a constant struggle. It was the equivalent of showing her undeniable proof that the world was round, only for her to be adamant and say no its flat.

 

As BPDer said if people meet my ex on the street or in a bar they would notice absolutely nothing wrong with her. They would just see a super hot chick. Sadly the effect it has had on me has been pretty rough. I will avoid attractive girls with very troubled childhoods like the plague as I cant relate to them. Most BPD stories on this site that I have read, including my own involve girls from troubled childhoods, very attractive, sexual and end up with codependent guys or narcissists. I was/am the former. I am only back to my old self now after a lot of hard work.

 

To anyone that has been in these relationships there is light at the end of the tunnel. The first step is to except you cant help or change your ex. Once you have done that then you can focus on why you ended up with a BPDer and try avoid these relationships in future. Once you understand yourself and the dynamics of what happened you can then move forward with optimism an find people who are deserving of your love..

 

 

Ok I just want to get this straight, are you basically saying that a person who BPD is less deserving of love, because they have mental issues that cause them to act in a certain way and that they should basically stay alone.I hav been out with guys who have not had mental illness who are have more damaging traits than that, I have met men who are so cold hearted they freeze ice blocks when they speak.......yet funnily enough they had girl friends.......nasty verbal abuse , negging, gas lighting, maniuplation you dont have to have a mental illness to partake in collateral damage on someone emotionally...you can be considered "normal" to everyone else opinion......i am curious what you believe a person with a mental illness deserves not the person dating them ...what do they deserve????

 

 

 

......bad treatment, rejection....cut and runners.....abuse...how far does it go? Even though they have reasons that are apparently causing problems....where as "normal " people who show traits of being the same......get more lead way....i have a solution and a theory...if all people with mental illness have stamped on their drivers license this person suffers from ......BIPOLAR DISORDER LETS CAPS LOCK IT FOR EFFECT make it the biggest thing on the license because that is all there is to them isnt it (thats my theory)..that way you dont even have to bother getting to know them...you can cut and run before any bond was formed ...so much easier....or even tattoo them if they dont drive.like a generic bar code.....with avoid at all costs.....lot less painful for all involved.....except of course for the person with BPD.....it is much better to be judged i guess and found wanting and discarded before you actually do the wanting back......so yep let us bar code some people and lets segregate the struggling...out them "in the worthless to get to know" pile......lest they destroy that IMAGE of what you want them to be.........why should they have to fit that image again????that confuses me...i thought people are people .....and not images of what you want them to be...should just date photographs then ....perfection in 2d.......i really hope i have it wrong with what you are saying...**** im pissed.....im out...deb

Edited January 6, 2013 by todreaminblue

[bpdr]

Ok I just want to get this straight, are you basically saying that a person who BPD is less deserving of love, because they have mental issues that cause them to act in a certain way and that they should basically stay alone?

 

Absolutely not, as most of the commentary posted here is based wholly on the experiences encountered within the context of a M or R with a PD. It would serve no purpose to suggest anything of the sort that they just stay home and do nothing to find happiness. The awareness afforded to individuals by the experience is perhaps a healthy relative topic worth discussion and super helpful to the non-pd wondering what the hell is going on in their R.

 

As outlined by some of us who have first hand experience of the aftermath of a failed R we are generally the ones left picking up the pieces after a tazmanian devil ripped our worlds apart left wondering what the hell just happened?

 

It is imperative that the PD conscious individual understand the detrimental effect the disorder can wreak havoc in an R or M but, in no way suggests that the PD disordered person with no knowledge of their condition should abstain from engaging new relationships. Most often, the disordered individual does not think anything is wrong with their gaslighting, emotional blackmail, baiting circular arguments, verbal abuse, and the list goes on however they refuse to accept the consequences for the acting out behavior. Everybody deserves to be loved - but NOT DESTROYED.

 

That is what's perhaps so insidious about the BPD traits. They simply do not think anything is wrong - when in fact the evidence is quite to the contrary.

[Star Gazer]

Ok I just want to get this straight, are you basically saying that a person who BPD is less deserving of love, because they have mental issues that cause them to act in a certain way and that they should basically stay alone.I hav been out with guys who have not had mental illness who are have more damaging traits than that, I have met men who are so cold hearted they freeze ice blocks when they speak.......yet funnily enough they had girl friends.......nasty verbal abuse , negging, gas lighting, maniuplation you dont have to have a mental illness to partake in collateral damage on someone emotionally...you can be considered "normal" to everyone else opinion......i am curious what you believe a person with a mental illness deserves not the person dating them ...what do they deserve????

 

 

 

......bad treatment, rejection....cut and runners.....abuse...how far does it go? Even though they have reasons that are apparently causing problems....where as "normal " people who show traits of being the same......get more lead way....i have a solution and a theory...if all people with mental illness have stamped on their drivers license this person suffers from ......BIPOLAR DISORDER LETS CAPS LOCK IT FOR EFFECT make it the biggest thing on the license because that is all there is to them isnt it (thats my theory)..that way you dont even have to bother getting to know them...you can cut and run before any bond was formed ...so much easier....or even tattoo them if they dont drive.like a generic bar code.....with avoid at all costs.....lot less painful for all involved.....except of course for the person with BPD.....it is much better to be judged i guess and found wanting and discarded before you actually do the wanting back......so yep let us bar code some people and lets segregate the struggling...out them "in the worthless to get to know" pile......lest they destroy that IMAGE of what you want them to be.........why should they have to fit that image again????that confuses me...i thought people are people .....and not images of what you want them to be...should just date photographs then ....perfection in 2d.......i really hope i have it wrong with what you are saying...**** im pissed.....im out...deb

 

You seem to be confusing Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), which this thread is about, with Bi-Polar Disorder, which this thread is NOT about.

 

BPD is not really treatable. Bi-Polar is.

 

People with BPD DESTROY their partners; there's no way around it. Bi-Polars, with help/treatment, can and do lead very happy lives with romantic partners.

[Mack05]

Absolutely not, as most of the commentary posted here is based wholly on the experiences encountered within the context of a M or R with a PD. It would serve no purpose to suggest anything of the sort that they just stay home and do nothing to find happiness. The awareness afforded to individuals by the experience is perhaps a healthy relative topic worth discussion and super helpful to the non-pd wondering what the hell is going on in their R.

 

As outlined by some of us who have first hand experience of the aftermath of a failed R we are generally the ones left picking up the pieces after a tazmanian devil ripped our worlds apart left wondering what the hell just happened?

 

It is imperative that the PD conscious individual understand the detrimental effect the disorder can wreak havoc in an R or M but, in no way suggests that the PD disordered person with no knowledge of their condition should abstain from engaging new relationships. Most often, the disordered individual does not think anything is wrong with their gaslighting, emotional blackmail, baiting circular arguments, verbal abuse, and the list goes on however they refuse to accept the consequences for the acting out behavior. Everybody deserves to be loved - but NOT DESTROYED.

 

That is what's perhaps so insidious about the BPD traits. They simply do not think anything is wrong - when in fact the evidence is quite to the contrary.

 

This....Of course everyone deserves to be loved. Despite all the bad things that happened with my ex, I want and pray for her happiness. I believe there is someone out there for everyone and I am sure there is a guy thats far more suited to her then I ever was. However in my opinion the only way for her to be truly happy is for her to become self aware which will probably never happen, despite all my best efforts to 'help' her.

 

Its hard to believe she ever deserved my love when she treated me so cruelly and this is the point I was trying to make.

Edited January 6, 2013 by Mack05

[todreaminblue]

You seem to be confusing Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), which this thread is about, with Bi-Polar Disorder, which this thread is NOT about.

 

BPD is not really treatable. Bi-Polar is.

 

People with BPD DESTROY their partners; there's no way around it. Bi-Polars, with help/treatment, can and do lead very happy lives with romantic partners.

 

 

Ok thankyou yes i was confusing bi polar with borderline and i went a little nuts.......

 

 

there were a few triggers in there...deserving was one and images or what a person should be, act like or be deserving of...i believe everyone deserves an equal chance and people with mental illness are segregated enough in my opinion..avoided enough.....

I stood up in a workplace lecture/seminar and was guest speaker on this...as far as borderline personality disorder goes....i feel that is hard to diagnose if the person cant explain what they think is wrong......eventually some bright spark might figure out a way to get therapy to people with this condition....

 

 

a lot of the struggle with mental illness is in the individual determing what is right from what is wrong....what is acceptable...what is not......and the medication when judging a disorder from what is not clinically diagnosable....is difficult and can take years....mental illness if you put it in one spectrum, disorders, conditions clinical and not clinical....its all segregation...i got unduly upset ...because i face it......i am cautious around people, sometimes feel i cant be myself because i have to watch my manners more than anyone else does or be branded.....psycho..or on a bender because i am happy and hyper.......that's pretty tiring you know...thanks for getting the fact i had mistaken what was posted....i appreciate that...because you were right....in saying that....all mental illnesses at one time or another can manifest into a person not being able to comprehend what they are doing is damaging to another..mental illness has a habit of skewing perception....a bit of acceptance and understanding a bit of non judgement helps and it should come from both sides the ill and the not so ill.....basically a person with any sort of mental problem no matter how they act when sick....whether they accept it or not know it or not they do deserve the same amount of compassion as some one who doesnt ...no more ...no less.again, thanks for the clarification....cheers..deb

[Star Gazer]

Ok thankyou yes i was confusing bi polar with borderline and i went a little nuts.......

 

Having been on the receiving end of a BPD and Narc's treatment, I personally have a very hard time agreeing that these folks are deserving of love and compassion from nons. IMO/E, they don't deserve anything from me except the sight of my back as I run from them. Period.

 

Also, you "went nuts" again going off about mental illness. BPD isn't a mental illness.