Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

[NoMoreJerks]

One thing that did make me more "treatable" was the fact that I was hospitalized. On the third round they held me for two weeks in a Form 10 (you can't leave).

That is the only way that there is even a remote chance that someone with BPD will go into "remission". And even that is unlikely, if they do not have the awareness to collaborate, which they rarely do. Not to speak of relapses... The prognosis is even more grim when it comes to NPD.

[dreamingoftigers]

That is the only way that there is even a remote chance that someone with BPD will go into "remission". And even that is unlikely, if they do not have the awareness to collaborate, which they rarely do. Not to speak of relapses... The prognosis is even more grim when it comes to NPD.

 

I had a friend who became a crackwhore and was diagnosed BPD.

 

She became more introspective and went for treatment after losing her son and having her 6'10" pimp beat the crap put of her and break her jaw. She got in touch with Narcotics Anonymous to help herself.

 

NPD prog isn't great for sure but a much higher percentage than 1/10000 people have symptoms of BPD reduce so that they no longer qualify as such.

[NoMoreJerks]

Okay, it should have read "my personal experience with BPD was more like....." and yes, I am aware that it is a set it traits, I believe you need 5 of 8 to (or 5 of 9, it's been so long) get a proper diagnosis.

 

Honestly your ex doesn't sound BPD at all to me. Like AT ALL. but that isn't for us to decide anyway. Honest to God that sounds like my full-blown NPD father, that same paranoia that you might tarnish his "greatness" but a lot of

addicts (you said he was an alcoholic) present that way. Even his parental relations sound off for it.

The reason I say he was a mix of NPD and BPD is that he demonstrated enough traits of both, as per the diagnoses criteria. He was not the typical NPD -- he did think he was great, but he did not have insane delusional beliefs about how he was so powerful and successful and great and a genius, which a full-blown NPD mgiht demonstrate. He also did not have full-blown BPD, obviously. His was a mixture of NPD and BPD. It's easier to dismiss this, than to dismiss a full-blown episode of BPD or NPD, but really, there just is no way to make any sense of this sh*t. There just is a difference between the behaviour of an assh*le, and the behaviour of NPD-BPDer. I have dealt with many assh*les, men who multi-date, men who do not want more than companionship and sex from me, etc., but there was more to my ex than that, and there was more to the abuse I received, than mere incompatibility or dickish behaviour. There is no one mold into which a BPDer will fit -- there will inevitably be different scenarios based on the personality traits of the partner they are dealing with, etc. To say that he does not have BPD because he does not sound at all like you, ignores the fact that, in contrast, my ex DOES sound eerily similar to the descriptions posted here by people who had BPD exes. So unless NONE of the people here who have shared their experiences, were really dealing with BPDers, there is no way in hell that my ex was not a BPDer to some extent.

Edited January 20, 2013 by NoMoreJerks

[Decorative]

I had a friend who became a crackwhore and was diagnosed BPD.

 

She became more introspective and went for treatment after losing her son and having her 6'10" pimp beat the crap put of her and break her jaw. She got in touch with Narcotics Anonymous to help herself.

 

NPD prog isn't great for sure but a much higher percentage than 1/10000 people have symptoms of BPD reduce so that they no longer qualify as such.

 

Yes. My spouse worked his rear end off in DBT to face his BPD issues, and is no longer considered actively featured as BPD. And he works with a specialist- so I can attest that therapists absolutely take BPD patients on.

[dreamingoftigers]

Okay NMJ.

 

You in order to get a BPD diagnosis, you gotta fit the traits, and not partly, not a little bit. If you have one or two, YOU DON'T qualify as BPD. You just don't. It's like being "kinda" pregnant or you "sorta" had a car accident.

 

I shared my personal experience to highlight what it tends to sound like. Bear in mind I went TO TREATMENT and was hospitalized with other BPD folk. This is a disorder you told me *I don't even have* but *your ex does* *but not fully*

 

Okay, that's......not based in fact. It's based in supposition at best. Overlooking the links, testimony from a mental health professional, those who have had life experience with BPD and a FORMER SUFFERER of the PD.

 

Please feel free to review your research more extensively. If you feel like. Best of luck with your future relationship(s) etc.

 

The reason I say he was a mix of NPD and BPD is that he demonstrated enough traits of both, as per the diagnoses criteria. He was not the typical NPD -- he did think he was great, but he did not have insane delusional beliefs about how he was so powerful and successful and great and a genius, which a full-blown NPD mgiht demonstrate. He also did not have full-blown BPD, obviously. His was a mixture of NPD and BPD. It's easier to dismiss this, than to dismiss a full-blown episode of BPD or NPD, but really, there just is no way to make any sense of this sh*t. There just is a difference between the behaviour of an assh*le, and the behaviour of NPD-BPDer. I have dealt with many assh*les, men who multi-date, men who do not want more than companionship and sex from me, etc., but there was more to my ex than that, and there was more to the abuse I received, than mere incompatibility or dickish behaviour. There is no one mold into which a BPDer will fit -- there will inevitably be different scenarios based on the personality traits of the partner they are dealing with, etc. To say that he does not have BPD because he does not sound at all like you, ignores the fact that, in contrast, my ex DOES sound eerily similar to the descriptions posted here by people who had BPD exes. So unless NONE of the people here who have shared their experiences, were really dealing with BPDers, there is no way in hell that my ex was not a BPDer to some extent.

[NoMoreJerks]

I had a friend who became a crackwhore and was diagnosed BPD.

 

She became more introspective and went for treatment after losing her son and having her 6'10" pimp beat the crap put of her and break her jaw. She got in touch with Narcotics Anonymous to help herself.

 

NPD prog isn't great for sure but a much higher percentage than 1/10000 people have symptoms of BPD reduce so that they no longer qualify as such.

This is hilarious. Reduce symptoms so that they do not qualify as BPD anymore? So , it's perfectly OK for someone to demonstrate 4 out of 9 symptoms, but if they move onto 5 symptoms, that's when they become BPD, and if they drop to 4 symptoms, they are no longer BPD, even when they do demonstrate these 4 symptoms , which is not behaviour that normal people would demonstrate? When really, the roots of the problem will never be truly addressed, dealt with, or cured. It's just "remission" , not cure, and remission does not mean the symptoms will totally go away and that the person who is stuck with you (yes, that is how I'd describe anyone who stays with a BPDer) will no longer suffer at your hands. It merely means , as per the criteria you listed above, that you no longer will demonstrate 5 of the criteria that officially make you a BPDer, only 4 of them. Yeah, what a relief! There is a reason they call it "remission", not a cure, and it's just a fancy way of saying, there is no cure, and there is no way that anyone who stays with them will not continue to suffer.

[dreamingoftigers]

Yes. My spouse worked his rear end off in DBT to face his BPD issues, and is no longer considered actively featured as BPD. And he works with a specialist- so I can attest that therapists absolutely take BPD patients on.

 

Damn grateful they do, too.

[Decorative]

Damn grateful they do, too.

 

Yes. Me, too! I am forever grateful.

[NoMoreJerks]

Okay NMJ.

 

You in order to get a BPD diagnosis, you gotta fit the traits, and not partly, not a little bit. If you have one or two, YOU DON'T qualify as BPD. You just don't. It's like being "kinda" pregnant or you "sorta" had a car accident.

 

I shared my personal experience to highlight what it tends to sound like. Bear in mind I went TO TREATMENT and was hospitalized with other BPD folk. This is a disorder you told me *I don't even have* but *your ex does* *but not fully*

 

Okay, that's......not based in fact. It's based in supposition at best. Overlooking the links, testimony from a mental health professional, those who have had life experience with BPD and a FORMER SUFFERER of the PD.

 

Please feel free to review your research more extensively. If you feel like. Best of luck with your future relationship(s) etc.

A lot of people with BPD want to also belittle other people's experiences of suffering. It's a typical trait of BPDers. It cements their role (in their heads) as the ones that have suffered "most". It's almost like a competition of sorts, in their mind. Ever considered that you might have that trait?

 

Like I said, every situation is DIFFERENT. Giving examples from your own experience does not help a whole lot. Your experience alone, in particular scenarios, is not the yardstick by which to determine whether someone is BPD or not. This is why there are actual CRITERIA, and not "examples" of behaviour. And yes, I have looked at those criteria, and my ex definitely demonstrates AT LEAST 6 of those criteria. The overwhelming majority of these criteria. Ditto for NPD criteria. And yes, there ARE degrees of NPD and BPD. Some people are full-blown NPD who demonstrate all 10 criteria (or however many), and then there are those that demonstrate 8, or 7. It doesn't mean they are no longer considered to be NPD, because there is someone out there who has a more severe case thereof.

[dreamingoftigers]

It's possible that they may eliminate ALL TRAITS.

 

Not just one to duck under the diagnosis. Quite frankly most traits come as sort of a "package deal" (I.e. You don't tend to be suicidal without the lows)

 

What's left for me to conquer:

 

Physiological abandonment trigger

Eating compulsively/spending compulsively/overuse of computer.

 

 

If I were to start messing around on my husband, cut myself and be impulsively suicidal, um yeah, that would be a lot worse on my relationship.

 

As it is, I live with someone who:

 

Eats compulsively, spends compulsively and occasionally triggers my abandonment reflex but rarely. The abandonment reflex is, as I said PHYSIOLOGICAL which means I don't start doing the "I hate you a thousand times but don't ever leave me." it means I sit down, recognize I'm having rampant anxiety and that I will survive it.

 

Yes, much more dealable. Much, much more.

 

Meanwhile, since I am still an imperfect being, I work at the eating/spending etc etc so that it doesn't affect my family as much.

 

I think if the more destructive traits got re-introduced, that would be pretty umanageable, very quickly.

 

This is hilarious. Reduce symptoms so that they do not qualify as BPD anymore? So , it's perfectly OK for someone to demonstrate 4 out of 9 symptoms, but if they move onto 5 symptoms, that's when they become BPD, and if they drop to 4 symptoms, they are no longer BPD, even when they do demonstrate these 4 symptoms , which is not behaviour that normal people would demonstrate? When really, the roots of the problem will never be truly addressed, dealt with, or cured. It's just "remission" , not cure, and remission does not mean the symptoms will totally go away and that the person who is stuck with you (yes, that is how I'd describe anyone who stays with a BPDer) will no longer suffer at your hands. It merely means , as per the criteria you listed above, that you no longer will demonstrate 5 of the criteria that officially make you a BPDer, only 4 of them. Yeah, what a relief! There is a reason they call it "remission", not a cure, and it's just a fancy way of saying, there is no cure, and there is no way that anyone who stays with them will not continue to suffer.

[NoMoreJerks]

This says it all. Typically my ex. Down to a t.

 

Borderline Personality Disorder DSM IV Diagnosis

[dreamingoftigers]

I think you suffered more than anyone should have with you ex.

 

I am also not going to "compare" sufferings. Sorry not going to happen. Suffering is suffering and it's awful.

 

I'm not going to tell anyone on this site that their spouses infidelity couldn't possibly have been as painful as "my" situation.

 

I've also offered you a fair chunk of empathy. Re-read if necessary.

 

For the absolute last time, you weren't in a decent position etc. Or profession to actually diagnose your ex.

 

Furthermore if my H's suffering with me is so intense, he CAN go, I won't stop him. I don't play those cards anymore.

 

Truly, I hope you find someone that treats you like gold.

 

A lot of people with BPD want to also belittle other people's experiences of suffering. It's a typical trait of BPDers. It cements their role (in their heads) as the ones that have suffered "most". It's almost like a competition of sorts, in their mind. Ever considered that you might have that trait?

 

Like I said, every situation is DIFFERENT. Giving examples from your own experience does not help a whole lot. Your experience alone, in particular scenarios, is not the yardstick by which to determine whether someone is BPD or not. This is why there are actual CRITERIA, and not "examples" of behaviour. And yes, I have looked at those criteria, and my ex definitely demonstrates AT LEAST 6 of those criteria. The overwhelming majority of these criteria. Ditto for NPD criteria. And yes, there ARE degrees of NPD and BPD. Some people are full-blown NPD who demonstrate all 10 criteria (or however many), and then there are those that demonstrate 8, or 7. It doesn't mean they are no longer considered to be NPD, because there is someone out there who has a more severe case thereof.

[Anela]

A lot of people with BPD want to also belittle other people's experiences of suffering. It's a typical trait of BPDers. It cements their role (in their heads) as the ones that have suffered "most". It's almost like a competition of sorts, in their mind. Ever considered that you might have that trait?

 

 

I don't see her belittling you. She admitted above that he is probably NPD. She gave that to you - that he was/is screwed up.

 

It seems like anyone having on off day, could be diagnosed with something, though. Have you heard about the new disorder that they've decided people have, if they cry at the drop of a hat, or find something totally hilarious and just start to laugh? It's ridiculous! I can't remember what they call it, I just remember that my dad and I were both appalled that the weather channel is now showing adverts like that.

 

I need to leave this thread. This isn't helping the OP, and it isn't helping me either, for the most part. It's scaring me - some of the attitudes. I'm glad that some people have received help - THAT is good news. I think I remember Decorative's posts, but it could have been someone else.

[dreamingoftigers]

I'm heading out too.

 

This thread, just wow. Kind of funny that most BPD would feel like scapegoats that no one wanted to be around. Totally ironic.

 

If anyone has a BPD partner, married w/kids, there is help available.

 

I don't see her belittling you. She admitted above that he is probably NPD. She gave that to you - that he was/is screwed up.

 

It seems like anyone having on off day, could be diagnosed with something, though. Have you heard about the new disorder that they've decided people have, if they cry at the drop of a hat, or find something totally hilarious and just start to laugh? It's ridiculous! I can't remember what they call it, I just remember that my dad and I were both appalled that the weather channel is now showing adverts like that.

 

I need to leave this thread. This isn't helping the OP, and it isn't helping me either, for the most part. It's scaring me - some of the attitudes. I'm glad that some people have received help - THAT is good news. I think I remember Decorative's posts, but it could have been someone else.

[NoMoreJerks]

I don't see her belittling you. She admitted above that he is probably NPD. She gave that to you - that he was/is screwed up.

 

It seems like anyone having on off day, could be diagnosed with something, though. Have you heard about the new disorder that they've decided people have, if they cry at the drop of a hat, or find something totally hilarious and just start to laugh? It's ridiculous! I can't remember what they call it, I just remember that my dad and I were both appalled that the weather channel is now showing adverts like that.

 

I need to leave this thread. This isn't helping the OP, and it isn't helping me either, for the most part. It's scaring me - some of the attitudes. I'm glad that some people have received help - THAT is good news. I think I remember Decorative's posts, but it could have been someone else.

She does not know enough about my ex to tell me what he is or is not. Having read all the DSM-IV criteria for BPD, my ex VERY NEATLY fits into it all (minus the wrist-cutting/suicide threats -- not sure if he felt suicidal though, I think he did, at some point, but not sure if he still does). Just because YOU don't think my ex was BPD, does not mean people are just attributing their exes' dickish behaviour to BPD just to feel "good" about themselves. THere is nothing better about attributing these behaviours to BPD, compared to merely attributing it to them being an assh*le. It makes me feel better to think that he was doing it with the full realization that he was hurting me, because it demonizes him in my eyes even more. Why would I even want to "diagnose" him as BPD, unless he really truly jawdroppingly fits the description in the diagnostics manual , right down to a t?? You are not making much sense. Just because some people rush to diagnose every little thing as a disorder, and come up with new names for it, does not mean that I am doing so. You do not even know half the story, and yet you are dismissing my claims. So now , all of a sudden, YOU are the know-it-all about this disorder, not to mention, knowing everything about my ex and what he did to me?

 

What is scaring you about the posts in this thread is that , contrary to your desire, people will no longer shut up about the treatment they received at the hands of their BPD and/or NPD partners. You want them to wallow in their misery in silence, while BDPers go about playing the victim role, even making use of their diagnosis as someone with a "disorder" to earn bonus victimhood points. Wow, just wow. Yes, that is why you find this thread scary. What did you expect, people saying that BPDers are great, that they really can be "cured"? We are just telling it as it is. But BPDers never like hearing the truth.

[M30USA]

Alright, for the record, you are all misunderstanding what "demon possession" is, and instead of educating yourself, are just running along with your own thoughts, thinking I am saying something I am not. Demon possession doesn't mean you have horns sprouting from your head or are foaming at the mouth with bloodshot pupils. That's Hollywood. Demon possession is a lot more common than most people realize. There is even Biblical evidence to suggest that it can happen to Christians. All it means is that you are being influenced by the power of a demonic spirit. It doesn't mean you are absolutely bound to hell. This is an example of where words have connotations that are unintended. Let me just ask you: considering all that you know of BPD, do you honestly believe that it's NOT the result of SOME kind of influence by a demonic spirit? If not, then please give me one example of behavior that IS the result of a demonic spirit? (Additionally, for the record, I don't deny that the same thing can happen to myself.)

[NoMoreJerks]

The truth is never good enough for BPDers. They want to hear what they want to hear. Anything short of that, is not good enough. So, really, what are you here for, if you do not want to hear real people sharing their real experiences with BPDers? Isn't that what OP wanted to hear, in the first place, because he/she was not sure if she had BPD and how to handle the situation?

[Decorative]

I'm heading out too.

 

This thread, just wow. Kind of funny that most BPD would feel like scapegoats that no one wanted to be around. Totally ironic.

 

If anyone has a BPD partner, married w/kids, there is help available.

 

Agreed. Totally.

[Anela]

I just found this:

Imaging Study Maps Brain Activity in Borderline Personality Disorder | Psych Central News

[Decorative]

The truth is never good enough for BPDers. They want to hear what they want to hear. Anything short of that, is not good enough. So, really, what are you here for, if you do not want to hear real people sharing their real experiences with BPDers? Isn't that what OP wanted to hear, in the first place, because he/she was not sure if she had BPD and how to handle the situation?

 

My real story involves my real husband, his real therapist, his real diagnosis, and his real work.

 

I am not sure what the problem is. Not everyone's experience matches yours. That's called life. But there are different endings to the story, and they have been supported and explained on here.

 

I am so very sorry for what you experienced. It's terrible. It really is. But don't dismiss people who have different stories.

[NoMoreJerks]

I just found this:

Imaging Study Maps Brain Activity in Borderline Personality Disorder | Psych Central News

Interesting.

 

"“This new report adds to the impression that people with borderline personality disorder are ‘set-up’ by their brains to have stormy emotional lives, although not necessarily unhappy or unproductive lives,” commented Dr. John Krystal, Editor of Biological Psychiatry."

 

This goes against claims that people with BPD are fundamentally unhappy (again, these claims seem to be part of their role play as victims). They are not. They go abour their lives feeling pretty "OK", while they wreck others' lives (their partners', children's, parents', etc.). Sort of like transferring / off-loading their problems onto others. This is why it's so important, as I said, to let go of the BPDers in our lives and let them go about being "happy" on their own... or being unhappy on their own... The thing is, they WILL be "happy", for as long as they have someone to take all the unhappiness onto themselves (this doesn't mean there won't be emotional turbulence / problems, but those problems do not affect THEM -- for them they are normal; they only affect the other person and make them unhappy). But you know what? THis is why I said they should be left to their own devices... even though that means they will be very unhappy... Better them than us..

[NoMoreJerks]

My real story involves my real husband, his real therapist, his real diagnosis, and his real work.

 

I am not sure what the problem is. Not everyone's experience matches yours. That's called life. But there are different endings to the story, and they have been supported and explained on here.

 

I am so very sorry for what you experienced. It's terrible. It really is. But don't dismiss people who have different stories.

What are you talking about? The only person who was dismissing anyone's story are the BPDers on here, who claim my ex was not BPDer, because he does not fit into the criteria in their imagination, or based on their own "experiences.":confused: I just posted the link to the DSM-IV criteria , and said that my ex fits those criteria perfectly. And yet, magically, he is not a BPDer, because, you know, that somehow lessens the victimhood status of some of the BPDers here... or shows how abusive BPDers really are.

Edited January 20, 2013 by NoMoreJerks

[Decorative]

What are you talking about? The only person who was dismissing anyone's story are the BPDers on here, who claim my ex was not BPDer, because he does not fit into the criteria in their imagination, or based on their own "experiences.":confused: I just posted the link to the DSM-IV criteria , and said that my ex fits those criteria perfectly. And yet, magically, he is not a BPDer, because, you know, that somehow lessens the victimhood status of some of the BPDers here... or shows how abusive BPDers really are.

 

Okay.

 

I was trying to be kind.

 

I wish you well.

[M30USA]

I just found this:

Imaging Study Maps Brain Activity in Borderline Personality Disorder | Psych Central News

 

All this shows is that there are physical changes in the brain. Nothing more. It says NOTHING about the CAUSE. Modern science is so obtuse to think that the physical changes in the brain ARE the cause! But the physical changes could be the result of something else. I can't tell you how many scientific theories have fallen flat on their faces because of this chicken-or-egg assumption.

[KathyM]

Bingo!

 

And you are a mental health professional, are you not?

I work as a counselor in the mental health field, and am working towards licensure. I've studied mental illness in depth and have learned a lot about the various disorders, and their possible cause and treatment.