Over protective mum

[monamacy]

im almost close to 30 and im still living with my parents. so far im ok to live with them and take care of them financially and physically. i have 2 more elder brothers who are like me, not yet married but are in exclusive relationship and still living with our parents.

 

my problem is since im the youngest and the only daugther, my mum tends to be over protective of me as compared to my brothers. each time i wanted to go somewhere or do something, she would say its too dangerous and asked me not to go, she would quote all the news about raping, murdering, bombing, kidnapping, u name it all the bad things she has in mind asking me to prevent. i explain to her that i take care of myself and i think its safe enof to go/do. if i insist on my way, we would always end up in a fight and i would still go and when i come back, we dun talk to each other for days. she always create some hiccups before i want to enjoy myself.

 

i just had a talk with her telling her that im a grown up now and i need my freedom and space to do grow and do anything i may feel its right. she explained that she never stopped me from going or doing anything i want, yeah.....but she created all the ho-ha and let me go wit guilt and fear. becouse each time i wanted to proof to her that i'll be safe and nothing is going to happen to me, she put me threat instead of asking me to enjoy and take care of myself. i think this is want most parents would do to their kids.

 

i told her that if this thing goes on, i may have to move out from here until such time when she is able to accept me as who i am and what i want in my lifestyle. she kept quiet.

 

even right now im with my bf of 2 years, i dare not tell her about it in fear that she may not approve our relationship. she has broken my previous relationship before by wanting to disown me if i pursue with that man, who's 2 years younger than me and she didnt like the idea of it. i gave in becouse i didnt want to loose my mum. now, with this man who is 13 years older than me, i dont know wat she's going to think.

 

do u think im too much in wanting my freedom, not physically, but mentally and emotionally? i thought by moving out, she will slowly learn the idea that im already an adult and i take responsibility of my own action, something which she cant seem let me experience life on my own.

[Thinkalot]

You are absolutely right to want the things you want, and you deserve!

 

I've always been close to my mum, who has long been overprotective also. They care and love us, but they also have to let us go.

 

My mum also does/says things which make me feel guilty, followed by lines such as "but I've never said don't do that"...it can be frustrating, I can really relate.

 

I recommend you do move out, for everyone's sakes, and for a more healthy relationship to develop.

 

Your mum may not like it though, so be strong, and be prepared for that.

 

It's been tough for me to let go , and for my mum to let go...but it has to happen. I am 31.

 

P.S. You need to set rules, otherwise you are enabling her behaviour and views to continue. It's hard going...but time to grab your independence with both hands! Tell her about your relationship too...you should be able to share that with your mum. If she reacts badly, step back for a while. She will simmer down in time I'd say.