Etiquette Question: Bachelor/Bachelorette Party

[tigressA]

I just recently faced this situation:

 

I'm, well, not friends so much as an acquaintance now to a former fling who I fancied myself in love with for quite awhile. I haven't seen him in more than 2 years (infatuation burned out 3+ years ago), and the last time I talked to him was in August when I first learned of his engagement (via FB) to his HS sweetheart.

 

Yesterday I got a FB invite from him to their bachelor-bachelorette party later this month. I declined. I thought it was rather tacky to invite me to a pre-wedding party when I am clearly not welcome at the wedding, as I didn't receive an invite to it. I am not mad at all about not being invited to the main event; I understand that completely as it's been awhile since we've had any sort of real friendship, and our past association was a bit sordid.

 

I do wonder what in the world could've possessed him to invite me to their party, because of those reasons above, and also because he and his intended clearly don't lack for friends--there were 70+ people on the invite list, all of whom he is undoubtedly closer to than me, and he has over 1,000 FB friends, so it could not have been a mistake checking me off as one of the invitees. I'm inclined to believe it's tacky to invite people to pre-wedding festivities when they're not getting an invite to the wedding, unless you're intending on having a very small ceremony/eloping--and in that case you should be letting people know that instead of allowing them to assume the worst. I would rather have not been invited to anything at all in this case.

 

What are your thoughts on this?

[Star Gazer]

I know TONS of people who are invited to bachelor/ette parties and not the wedding, for a number of reasons. I don't know why you're bent out of shape about it, or find it tacky.

 

Showers, yes. But not parties.

[tigressA]

I'm not bent out of shape about it now, but yes, I generally do find it tacky. I don't see a difference between showers and parties; they're both part of the wedding tradition, inextricably linked to the main event. You don't have either if there isn't a wedding in the pipeline too.

[SmileFace]

I don't see it as tacky. The wedding is for close friends and family since it costs more. Where a parties are cheaper and people generally can afford for more people to come.

 

Inviting you to the wedding may have been tacky. However it obvious he sees you as a close enough friend to ivite you to celebrate his wedding.

[tigressA]

Well, I don't (anymore).

 

It's not even a party that they're throwing; they just invited people to meet up at some bar. It's not going to cost them anything, especially as people are going to be buying their drinks left and right.

[CC12]

I thought it was rather tacky to invite me to a pre-wedding party when I am clearly not welcome at the wedding

 

I kind of agree. It's borderline tacky, at least. It's not as tacky as inviting you to a shower (an event where you're supposed to give the bride/groom a gift) but I think it's a strange invitation, especially considering your history with the groom and the fact that you haven't spoken in two years.

 

I also agree that it is a "pre-wedding" party that is linked to the main event, so it seems off that they would include someone who isn't going to be invited to the actual wedding.

 

I think it's good that you declined. I'm not sure why your presence was requested at this party, and I'm not sure what good it would do anyone. Send a congratulatory card if you want, but other than that, don't feel bad about not attending.

[Ninjainpajamas]

I agree that would feel pretty tacky for me too...I don't know much about wedding etiquette (intentionally) but I'd think these pre-parties were like an early celebration for the close friends/family attending the wedding?

 

I don't know...you white people do some strange things sometimes

 

But not to mention, she's like an ex....something or other, not even a GF, I don't about the kind of girls these guys are dating but any woman I've dated would be like *cat claws* "who the f is that?" which...honestly I do like em feisty, but seriously that would just be common sense.

 

If I was invited I'd be like thanks but no thanks, and it's not because I've never stayed in contact with women in the past I didn't have a great history with as in a relationship...they may throw me some pictures or updates as we've stayed I'd say even "close", but I'd never imagine getting a wedding/baby-shower/any other special occasion invite, that would just be weird and personally haven't ran into that....kinda creeps me out thinking about it though...I could imagine introducing myself to people...

 

Random guy: "Hey I'm Steven...haven't met you before!"

 

Me: "I'm Ninja...nothing gets by you, we have in fact not met!"

 

Steven: "So how do you know Lawanda la kisha chiquita...soon to be Lawanda la kisha...Carpenter! haha...I crack my white self up!"

 

Me: "Ohhh you know, we're just friends, talk here and there"

 

Steven: "I've known her since we've been kids, I tell ya, I tried to date her for years, but she's always been a good girl, always about her career and priorities, never stops to have fun ya know...but he's a lucky guy haha....so how did you meet?"

 

Me: "Ohhh ya know....long story short..met her at football game, soon after we f@cked 20 hours a day, slept for 4, for about 3 weeks straight in a dark lit room...did you know she can do the splits?...only stopping to piss and drink water...didn't even change the sheets man..in the middle of the summer with no air-conditioning and we looked like two sweaty love mats just out of a sauna, but god I tell ya, she was great, definitely one to remember...and she swallows faster than pelican gulping down a fish...just covered in each others fluids, I could've even tell if it was sweat or semen Steven, telling ya, looked exactly the same...but I've trained her well, I know he's going to be a happy guy...and tell the groom when you see em it was no problem teaching her those "moves"...it was my pleasure"

 

Steven: "................"