Have gone NC. Hoping even the Devil will make a deal with me, or buy my soul.

[RespectfullyAlone]

This will be my first real attempt at NC in my dating life.

 

You see at about 9:30pm on New Years Eve whilst being overseas with my father I found out the person I loved had left me. Actually she had done it 2 days beforehand, but I was not in cell phone range or able to get onto Facebook to know this. And she knew I didn't know yet. Thus it wasn't until she txt'd me New Years Eve I guess knowing I hadn't read the FB msg yet, to say she had sent me an important msg on FB.

 

I read her message where she's laying out all these supposed reasons why I wasn't the right guy for her, and the one she sent the day after with her being worried how I would re-act, or if I would be ok. I did not reply. I figured I'd just fade into nothing and stop breathing at that point. My life was over as far as I was concerned.

 

Trying to get some sleep that night, she txt'd again to ask if I was ok, if she could do anything, call me, or leave me alone... I cracked. Fearing she was going to do just that and leave me alone, I txt'd back saying first up she was making a mistake, and many other things I know now I should not have done. I should have never replied. I eventually asked her to just call me. I didn't end well really, as she said we were just going around in circles, she was tired and wanted to go to sleep, and most frighteningly, reminded me that in her msg she had asked me not to change her mind, and I had asked her to reconsider at least until I got back home.

 

That was at about 4am on New Years Day. Since then it's been total hell. Flying back home, having to tell my family, not sleeping, eating or caring about anything other than her.

 

I have not contacted her again. I have removed her from Facebook, Skype and deleted her cell phone number. I have given personal affects to my mother to get them out of my sight. I will not however be deleting her Facebook messages, txts or skype messages. They are simply too amazing to ever forget.

 

I could go on about how confused I am as to why she ended things, but all the reasons she gave me, I called her on them and said they didn't make any sense, and that couples do not break up over such things. She finally admitted on the phone call she had been thinking about someone else and even whilst with me those feelings didn't leave her. She knew my feelings for her, and had instigated many topics of discussion pertaining to us having a proper and real life together. Did I mention she also has 3 baby children aged 11months, 2 and 4 years old, and had just signed her divorce papers, though I'm not sure she has filed them. So many times she would tell me I was blowing her away and amazing her with my ability to be caring around her children and saying sweetly at times it was another test I had passed and that her heart was melting.

 

Cold feet is obviously part of things more so than her "reasons". She even titled her msg to me as such, then proceeded to tell me how amazing I was, how much she really meant things when she said I love you etc. Seems hollow now though with her cowardly way of ending our relationship.

 

All the things she said to me whilst we were together melted my heart and I've been lied to in the past by others before. I believed she was genuine when she said she loved me, some of her most recent nice txts were ...

 

"...made me realize even more how special and rare you are. You make me feel like a real woman, ur so respectful and aware of my needs and care for me so nicely. I honestly didn't know guys like you existed!!!"

 

&

 

"You have so many nice qualities that I hope I never take you for granted! I am so grateful to have u in my life xoxo".

 

That was 3 days before she ripped my heart out. I mean it when I say I had zero knowledge this was coming or knowing she was going to do this. We had not arguments or quarrels. Everything she would say to me was that in the tough life she's had, I was blowing every other experience out of the water that she'd had thus far, from me caring for her needs, the romance to having fun to the best sex she'd ever had.

 

I love this girl, I truly do. But I also realize my chances of her being back in my life are nil to hell freezing over. I have a huge feeling in my heart that she will regret making this decision. Whilst being with me these past 2 months her confidence has soared, so many of her family have commented how she is finally now looking like a real woman and happy and not a struggling girl. GIGS syndrome perhaps? Leave someone you have expressed how amazing and wonderful they are, for someone else.

 

In my desperation the past couple of days I've been googling all kinds of stuff, from the ebooks on how to get your ex back to how to txt your ex back. Has anyone ever read these books and applied the techniques? Or are they just fancy money grabbers re-using the NC method?

 

I will not break NC with her. I have removed myself completely from all circles and places I could possibly run into her, and even mutual friends. Heck at this point I don't even want her to know I am back in the country. I want her to wonder, I want her to think about me. I've spent all day on here reading so many posts in the "Second Chances" section and my heart would sink more and more each time. It seems second chances don't happen if ever.

 

Thus I know NC will help me get over her, or in someway make her miss me and hopefully hopefully cause her to reach out.

 

Please ask any questions if you have any. I know I will get over this eventually. And yes it will take time. But after being in various relationships she was my one. Even though I had thought maybe some of my ex's were, I know in my heart this one really was the one.

 

What can I do? Get these ebooks? or force myself to do the new hobby things, work on my fitness. I would give everything I own to have her back in my life at this point. And I know it wouldn't be the same, as you'd have to ask how could I ever trust her. But I would be willing to try and start a new fresh relationship.

 

Please be kind with your replies. I am hurting very much and I have never seen my family hurt this must for me either.

 

PS. I forgot to mention in her cold feet breakup fb msg that she thought I was not the right guy for her, and her not the right girl for me. She did not say I wasn't, rather thought. Also in our last phone call and communication, saying that I was more stable, mature and had my head on straight, and she was confused, but also that maybe in time she'd get wiser as well. She's 27 and I'm 38 if you are wondering. The age difference had never been a factor of any of our discussions.

Edited January 4, 2013 by RespectfullyAlone

[todreaminblue]

No contact is one of the hardest things to deal with , this is actually painful to read yoru post....I feel for you...its a shot to the heart tell the truth i would rather take a bullet....that would heal quicker than it does for me to get over someone.....i truly do care about.....it manifests physically for me.....i have been through enough emotionally so my body doesnt take that..it can take a beating though...strange but true...i have a high tolerance for physical pain....and yes i am trying no contact too.....there are always second chances in life...i didnt get any messages of love or support with my no contact guy.....he is more or less taken because his heart is taken...that stings i have no photos, and i dotn knwo if i can cut the places where he has been out fo my life or people he knows, we belong to the same church.....its hard for me....he doesnt go the same actual church anymore but every time i go i look for him there.......and its a reminder......i am dealing with that because i love th echurch and the other people there i have allowed myself to feel in a lot of areas...still feel a bit askew sitting in the pews...but i love going.....i fouidn my faith as well....found a lot of things.....i allowed myself to feel for him i have no one to blame but myself i feel pretty much liek a freak....smilin...nothing new...

 

 

 

having those messages is a permanent reminder for you......you have to delete them.....if she gives you a second chance or you give her one...you will have new messages...if she doesnt then you shouldnt keep them, to think of what was and what shall not be again....what was your last point of contact and what was said by both you and her....??????...hugs....deb

[TaraMaiden]

One word of advice:

All those messages on FB, texts and skype:

 

Delete them.

You're just clinging in desperation to someone who once was, and who is no more, and this will eat away at you, because you'll just read them and re-read them and read them yet again - and it will just shred you to pieces every time.

 

You need to get rid of EVERYTHING. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.

 

Keep nothing.

All you have there are words, and they mean absolutely nothing now.

[bpdr]

I read her message where she's laying out all these supposed reasons why I wasn't the right guy for her, and the one she sent the day after with her being worried how I would re-act, or if I would be ok. I did not reply. I figured I'd just fade into nothing and stop breathing at that point. My life was over as far as I was concerned.

 

Tramp and has OM. Dude, this story NEVER ends well. Cut bait, end it. Leave her to her own devices as NOTHING you can do will ever change her mind. She's a tramp. Tramps suffice their needs by emotional means only.

 

You deserve a woman who tends and cares about YOUR NEEDS! Leave her.

 

Do not make a deal with the devil. She is a devil. You want and desire more.

 

I had a W like this. She is a devil and evil to the core.....

 

Move on. NC 180 Hardcore - and you will find a worthy woman deserved of your affections. Trust me.

 

Ignore her. She is a TRAMP.

 

Good luck,

BP

[RespectfullyAlone]

having those messages is a permanent reminder for you......you have to delete them.....if she gives you a second chance or you give her one...you will have new messages...if she doesnt then you shouldnt keep them, to think of what was and what shall not be again....what was your last point of contact and what was said by both you and her....??????...hugs....deb

I know in my heart what you say is true. I have not read them tonight, and will not delete them tonight, but I know I will have to. Hopefully tomorrow i will have the courage to do so.

 

I will try and reply tomorrow on what our last point of contact was, but I've touched on it already a little bit about the end of our phone call. It didn't seem to go to well. She almost seemed more concerned it was getting late and she wanted to get to sleep. And not liking me trying to be rational about anything, and thus telling me we were just going around in circles.

 

Clearly she didn't want to talk about any of the reasons and I honestly feel it was more for her benefit to alieve any guilt. She knew I was not alright, and if she had truly loved me, would have still txted or checked up on me I feel. But she's too busy flirting and doing who knows what with the guy she said she was thinking about with me. In fact I believe he was back on her Facebook friendslist and liking her posts either just before or after her cold feet goodbye fb msg to me. She didn't even wait for me to even see the msg before contacting or hooking up with him. So for 2 whole days she had already moved on with this guy, before I even know about her msg. This girl doesn't waste any time it seems. Thus why she's probably not feeling any remorse or guilt or even wondering about me as she's got her sights set on her next target.

 

Problem is as strange is this sounds, I know the guy. He's actually an old friend. And while I was with this girl, she mentioned that he had been trying to flirt with her on facebook and skype. She asked me if it was ok, to still to have guy friends and I said yes as long as there wasn't anything romantic going on. Otherwise no, stop contact with such persons. And she did, then felt bad about how she had handled it. I encouraged her to make sure she let this guy know why she stopped contact, instead of just saying I can't talk to you anymore and not being friendly or civil about it. Very sad for me I never got this nice treatment in return.

 

He removed her from facebook and she told me about it. That was the end of it I thought, but there clearly must have either been something way more serious going on, or she just couldn't stop thinking about this guy and was willing to risk everything to find out.

 

I know they are already talking, flirting away or much worse together. The reason I know this is he removed me from skype after I had removed her from my facebook and skype. I have never done anything wrong with this guy and didn't even know he was flirting or hitting on her until she told me so, so I can only imagine she's probably bad mouthed me to this guy and he's just doing whatever to "protect" her from whatever version of "me" she's painted me as to him.

 

Not even 6 hrs after our phone call, and I was there sitting on my laptop just destroyed, but on facebook and skype, and I saw her online on both. I did not msg her. Then I saw him login to Skype, then he was immediately offline. My heart sank even more at that moment and I knew something was up. It wasn't until after I had flown back home that I could see she had added him back to facebook actually the same day she sent the original cold feet msg. Quite possibly within minutes of sending me the msg, she had added him.

 

One word of advice:

All those messages on FB, texts and skype:

 

Delete them.

You're just clinging in desperation to someone who once was, and who is no more, and this will eat away at you, because you'll just read them and re-read them and read them yet again - and it will just shred you to pieces every time.

 

You need to get rid of EVERYTHING. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.

 

Keep nothing.

All you have there are words, and they mean absolutely nothing now.

You are a very wise person. You are right in so many ways. All I have left now are words and memories, and right now those words mean absolutely nothing anymore. I do not want to shred my heart for I have no heart left, I have no joy left inside of me. Even if I am daydreaming, seeing those messages I can almost escape my reality and be back where we used to be. I hope I get the courage soon, tomorrow perhaps to be able to delete them all.

 

Tramp and has OM. Dude, this story NEVER ends well. Cut bait, end it. Leave her to her own devices as NOTHING you can do will ever change her mind. She's a tramp. Tramps suffice their needs by emotional means only.

 

You deserve a woman who tends and cares about YOUR NEEDS! Leave her.

 

Do not make a deal with the devil. She is a devil. You want and desire more.

 

I had a W like this. She is a devil and evil to the core.....

 

Move on. NC 180 Hardcore - and you will find a worthy woman deserved of your affections. Trust me.

 

Ignore her. She is a TRAMP.

 

Good luck,

BP

May I ask what does OM mean?

 

Sadly I thought I had finally found such a woman who was deserving of my affections and for the entire time I was with her, she was reciprocating. Clearly now that things have changed, it causes me to question many things. But it also saddens me then, that if I gave my all, and it felt honestly like she was too, then how could I possibly do any better the next time around with someone else.

 

I will not break NC. I just hope for my sanity she does make contact at some point. I pray I am strong enough to be able to deal with it if it ever happens, but am preparing myself also that it never will. My heart cries for her, but how she left me was not a sign of love. How could anyone leave someone like she did to me, if she really loved me. I guess that hurts just as much as well to realize I was in love with someone and didn't even detect they were only pretending.

Edited January 4, 2013 by RespectfullyAlone

[TaraMaiden]

OM = Other Man.

 

Other abbreviations which you may receive in time, and which may confuse, can be found here...

[Treasa]

Darling, as one 38-year-old to another...you dodged a bullet. She has three very young children, her divorce isn't even finalized, and she's already left you (although she has a baby under a year old) and already likes someone else?

 

She sounds flaky, unsure of herself, and rather unstable. Especially with telling you how wonderful you are and then doing a 180 a few days later.

 

You sound very intelligent and articulate. Try to spend time with others and get your mind off her.

 

You deserve a lot better.

[thefooloftheyear]

Darling, as one 38-year-old to another...you dodged a bullet. She has three very young children, her divorce isn't even finalized, and she's already left you (although she has a baby under a year old) and already likes someone else?

 

She sounds flaky, unsure of herself, and rather unstable. Especially with telling you how wonderful you are and then doing a 180 a few days later.

 

You sound very intelligent and articulate. Try to spend time with others and get your mind off her.

 

You deserve a lot better.

 

Agreed...

 

Its all about another man came along.. All the other things she mentioned was probably to make you not feel so bad about it and relieve her guilt at the same time. I know you probably dont want to hear this now, but that was an awful lot of baggage to carry around if you wound up with her...

 

I think you just need to find your inner man and dont put this POS on a pedestal. I think some guys think, at the outset of a breakup, that the woman that dumped them is some magic woman with a gold lined vagina.. Forget about that. Go to the gym and bust your ass, if you want to fixate on her, use that anger to fuel your workouts, Get out there and find someone who wont fill your mind up with meaningless "I love you's" while she is out there looking for the next swinging dick.

 

TFOY

[RespectfullyAlone]

I'm so sad reading everyones replies here. It feels like the person I fell in love with is being stripped away even in my mind at this point. But my heart will not let her go at this point. Caring for her, loving her, and knowing the person she is, just makes me want to be there for her even more. And it's a horrible feeling to feel when I see all these straight to the point replies, mentioning her misdeeds that really hit home. In my mind I know what's she's done is about as worse as you can do to another person who you are apparently in love with. But my heart cries for her, it longs for her, her children, the shattered dreams, the life we were going to lead. I have lost everything.

 

I guess I am a forgiving person and would if she came back, give it another chance, I know I would. But maybe instead of her being confused, flaky and unstable, she's just being who she is, and that is the real her. I would not have even been receptive to her charms or pursuits in the beginning. She went after me, and I fell hard. In fact it still feels like I am falling even lower.

[Tmo2]

I am soon to be 3 months post breakup. I was dumped and found all those ebooks soon after... Reading those books feeded my hopes. Even after she told me straight up that it was done. Over. I read and read and read and searched through internet like a mad man to find a ''solution''... Unfortunatly, this hope made me cling to her. Made me swirl in my head. I could'nt let go. Not without a fight. And I did fight. I did not beg much but I kept contact for 2 months. Low contact. We spoke every few days. Average of once per week. In my head I kept bouncing from ''ok with being friends'' to ''I want her as lover only'' to ''fu.ck this she left me for another guy'' After a months and a half I could'nt keep my feelings inside no more (as the books suggested) and called her (long distance) and confronted her... Things led quickly to another and we had a rendez-vous a week later. We met exactly 2 months after the BU in person. After a nice day as ''friends'' I told her the truth about my feelings. What I wanted in my life etc and I wanted commitment. She sticked to her guns and still said she couldn't give me what I wanted. So we set boundaries and No Contact from then. 2weeks now past this incident and I finally realize what had happened these 2 last months. I became obsessed to get her back. I told her everything, that I was becoming a better man etc. And I truly am, but you know this just dosent matter no more. I am feeling down with myself that I told her everything after she told me no. Its hard to endure not having feelings of love returned... The best way to deal with these situations is to maturely stand straight, shake it off, and move on. Life is more then relationships. Love must be reciprocated, if it aint, one will suffer. No relationships are perfect, they need work from both sides. Avoid e-books, Follow your heart if you must, but I'm telling you from my experience, those books will only be additionnal obstacles while moving forward. Have faith that you will feel your true self one day, and if you persevere, that day will come sooner than you think.

[RespectfullyAlone]

Massive mood swings today, from crying to even finding myself having a smile on my face, like seriously WTF is that all about I wonder. Probably because I'm still full of hope she will come back to me realizing she's made a huge and horrible mistake. Likelyhood of that happening is probably zero, but it's weird how ones mind works. I guess all dumpees dream of that happening. I wonder how small of a % it actually does happen to though. No matter if we do NC, it still seems the dumpers have all the power.

 

I havn't gotten any of those ebooks. And have still not broken NC. The more I have talked about this with friends and family, the first thing ALL of them say, is how on earth could this girl do this, to leave me via fb/txt msg. And that how could she, if she did love me, leave me so quickly.

 

The situation still stinks to me. I love her, and want her back. But she is dishonest, flaky and it's clear she is either unstable, immature or doesn't know what she really wants. I'd say probably all of the above.

 

Love is a funny thing. She pursued me, I was just myself and thought nothing would happen. We both fell in love, and I truly believe she did love me. I don't think even her messed up mind could fake that. She's terrible at keeping things inside of her that bother her actually. So if she really was wanting to end the relationship, there were no signs of it whilst I was with her. That only happened after I had flown overseas.

 

She did however have her mother in law staying with her, and her ex husband or soon to be ex, hmm maybe never an ex, was with them and helping with the kids. Not sure if he was living with them however, but he was around. She had been separated with her husband for a year when I first met her, and had looked after the kids single handedly during this time Not once had he ever taken them even for a night. All the husband had provided was a monthly payment. He'd come see the kids every few months if that. Not sure if he would sleep with her when he came over. Possible as they were still technically husband and wife. But he wasn't faithful to her, and has had a girlfriend for quite sometime. Heck even kind of insinuating he still wanted to keep this wife and the girlfriend at the same time.

 

I miss her so much it's nuts. I want her so bad I'd give anything. I still think we'd be ok, if she came back, apologized, said this was the worst mistake shed ever made, and promised to never ever do it again. Then gave a full explanation about what happened, and why. Then a new relationship could possibly occur, but it would have to be slow I think, and she'd have to make me truly feel she meant everything she said. Even if I am losing my mind, and it's only ever going to be an unfulfilled dream, this feels nice.

[RespectfullyAlone]

The process of deleting her txts has begun and it's heartbreaking doing so. I am filled with panic and fear. I am sleeping more each day, but my mood is one of being severely depressed. I havn't even gone outside in 4 days. I can barely eat. And most disturbing I simply don't care anymore about anything. All I can think of is her. And then even more pain knowing she probably hasn't even given me a single thought. I can't take this much longer.

[Treasa]

The process of deleting her txts has begun and it's heartbreaking doing so. I am filled with panic and fear. I am sleeping more each day, but my mood is one of being severely depressed. I havn't even gone outside in 4 days. I can barely eat. And most disturbing I simply don't care anymore about anything. All I can think of is her. And then even more pain knowing she probably hasn't even given me a single thought. I can't take this much longer.

 

These are part of the problem. I totally get wanting to stay in and not wanting to eat. I do. I've been there. But you're only making it harder to heal. Please at least eat in the mornings. It's hard to have solid, coherent thoughts if you aren't feeding your brain. And sunlight and oxygen and being around people will give you a boost even if you don't feel it right away.

 

Try to exercise each day, although that will require eating more. Exercise will help make you feel better.

 

Do you have anyone you can talk to? Having a support system when you're close to panic is really crucial.

 

*hugs* I will I could make things better.

[RespectfullyAlone]

I don't even care at this point if I get better. I can see why people give up the will to live in their lives. What is there to live for after something like this happens.

 

I have been trying to eat, and even forcing myself to, but I have zero appetite. Going outside I'm sure will help me, but I couldn't care less if I was struck down by a terminal illness or hit by a car at this moment in time.

 

I had a long talk with my sister last night and she just like everyone is totally not cool with how things ended, and feeling sad and sorry for me. I have noticed however I get my hopes up when I talk to people, even having this weird hope they could somehow help me get her back. I'm so antsy and all over the place, I just want something to do that will help bring her back. Go climb Mt Everest, OK! I would do anything to have her back. Sell my soul, you name it.

 

Hugs are nice of course, but there is only one kind of hug I desire and that's from the person who I am in love with... her.

[Sugarkane]

So she cheated on you with someone you know? How low.

[RespectfullyAlone]

I don't know the answer to that question. In her FB message to me ending the relationship, not once did she mention this guy, he ex or anyone else. In fact she mentioned she just wanted to get back to her routine, look after her kids and lead a simple life being single for awhile.

 

I didn't buy any of her "reasonings" and when we spoke on the phone, it was only then she admitted she had feelings for this guy. Unfortunately I don't know their true history, whether they were even in a physical relationship or not. I knew nothing of this guy until way after we were together.

 

She told me a few things when we were together about this guy, but always painting it as though he had been hitting on her on FB, and skype etc., and the flirting was making her uncomfortable. It takes two to flirt, and I'm sure this guy would not have been flirting with her unless it was reciprocal.

 

It's quite possible that was all they had, but she left me after telling me countless times I was seriously the most amazing guy she had ever been with. She said she couldn't stop thinking about him, when she was with me, thus left me within 3 days of us last being together in person and 2 days since her last affectionate txt.

 

Thus I have to wonder if they were not already in a relationship, even emotionally, and she tried to end it. Ended it, got with me. Then figured since she was still thinking about him whilst with me, leave me, and go back to him since he must then obviously be her true love. I'm speculating here based on only having bits and pieces. I totally understand what she told me also may not have been the case, so I have to assume everything she said about this guy might have been tainted information to cover herself.

[TaraMaiden]

She 'left' you the minute she began flirting with him. But she emotionally walked out on you even before then.

 

Nobody entertains that kind of attention if their love is solid.

 

It seems to me her affection was already questionable, if she was open to an outside influence.

 

Honey, this was on the cards a long time ago....

 

I'm so sorry.

[RespectfullyAlone]

I guess that means she was never emotionally with me, even though I can list all the ways I feel she indeed was.

 

I'm pretty sure she was flirting with this guy before she pursued me.

[MyAngel]

I understand this is a very painful and heartbreaking time for you but it WILL get better. You WILL recover from this and move forward. You WILL be happy again and share your life with someone who respects and loves you the way you deserve.

[RespectfullyAlone]

I am confident I will get better in time. I've had my heart broken before and know it can heal. But what happens is I am never able to get back to being "me". Along with her, the old "me" is also gone.

 

I'm not at that point yet, and I'm genuinely fearing it, but have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach I am going to go off the rails in a big way at some point. Anger, rage, losing ones faith.

 

I didn't need this girl in my life before I met her, but after being with her I cannot live without her.

[TaraMaiden]

And yet, here you are, still breathing....

So - yes, you can.

Evidently.

 

keep breathing, there's a good lad.

By all means do it angrily, rage or whatever.

 

but keep breathing.

[RespectfullyAlone]

Finally managed to delete all my txts from her on my phone. Since I had to do it one by one, I read them as I deleted each one, going backwards into our past. Very sad reading them and seeing how affectionate she was in them. They are gone now. Memories that will become distant.

 

I went out today for the first time in 5 days and got a nice short haircut. Then cut off all my facial hair and shaved. Felt alot better after doing that, but it's a false confidence right now. I'm still hoping she's going to contact me, in fact it's in my veins beating each breath.

 

You stupid girl, you threw away possibly the best thing that's ever happened to you. You fell in love with me, and I fell in love with you. You were amazing and always telling me how amazing I was. And then in a flash you threw me away. I will never forget you, I just hope I meet someone who is even better than you so that I never ever have to wonder what if or what could have been.

[TaraMaiden]

Finally managed to delete all my txts from her on my phone. Since I had to do it one by one, I read them as I deleted each one, going backwards into our past. Very sad reading them and seeing how affectionate she was in them. They are gone now. Memories that will become distant.

 

Good....

 

I went out today for the first time in 5 days and got a nice short haircut. Then cut off all my facial hair and shaved. Felt alot better after doing that, but it's a false confidence right now. I'm still hoping she's going to contact me, in fact it's in my veins beating each breath.

 

Better....

 

 

You stupid girl, you threw away possibly the best thing that's ever happened to you. You fell in love with me, and I fell in love with you. You were amazing and always telling me how amazing I was. And then in a flash you threw me away. I will never forget you, I just hope I meet someone who is even better than you so that I never ever have to wonder what if or what could have been.

 

 

Best.

 

I know it's hard, believe me. I know.

But Faking it until you're making it, is the best way to go.

However, always rely on the support, help and counsel of others, keep good company, and don't wallow.

 

If people sympathise and commiserate - ask them to add something uplifting and positive... "Now - what would you say to cheer me up?"

 

And surround yourself with things that make you smile.

Don't for goodness' sake do what an awful lot of people do - and it's been done on this forum too - (Can't believe it!) - do not 'play sad songs'.. find fun, uplifting songs, things that push you forward, not pull you back...

 

great. I love it, and have played it a lot....

 

I defy anyone to not foot-tap when they hear this.

[Treasa]

I'm too tired to reply (I'm a Yank), but I did read everything, and I ditto TaraMaiden completely.

[RespectfullyAlone]

Today was horrific. At work freaking out, pacing, looking at the clock. Going to lunch, seeing couples walking by the beach, at cafes. I went absolutely nuts today. Time literally stood still. Even came as close to just ending it all, figuring whose ever going to miss me if I simply go throw myself into the ocean. Answer of course is my wonderful parents. But her? I doubt it. She's still too busy lost in her affection for this new guy.

 

I felt so much anxiety and panic. More than I've probably felt since this all happened. Even driving was dangerous, as my body and eyes were somewhere else.

 

I am being tormented by my memories of this girl and as much as I want to demonize her for her cowardly departure from our relationship, and most likely promiscuity, I can't. I meant everything I said to her, about loving her, commenting on her honesty at the time with issues she had faced in her past, and other strengths and attractive qualities I saw in her. But who was that wonderful girl I fell in love with? Simply a dream? It didn't feel like a dream, it felt real. And I have in my youth experienced romances where you are in "love" with someone, but at the end of the day you're not.

 

Maybe my age and hopefully being a fraction wiser than the last time I faced a breakup, is causing me in a way more sadness and heartbreak. How many times in one's life have you been with someone, and felt it, in your bones, your dna, that feeling of finally having found someone you can let your guard down with, live a life and grow old together. I've felt that only 2 times in my life. But she threw us away on a whim, on an impulse and not only ruined our life, but my perception of the kind of girl she really was.

 

Today, I want you to end, I want you to stop tormenting me. Leave me alone. Tomorrow please be kinder than Today was. Please show me there is hope, even a grain of sand would be welcome. I can't cry anymore, I've tried. I can't eat anything, I've tried. I can't focus on anything, I've tried. I can't stop thinking about her, and I have tried too. For a split second I feel confident, that she didn't deserve me, she never loved me or appreciated me. And then it's gone in a flash.