tigressA Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 I'm a few hours away from boarding a train to see my boyfriend after almost 3 weeks of not. And I'm thinking of whether or not I should even bother. Earlier this afternoon after we'd exchanged a few texts, he sent me one asking me if I had left a pair of underwear in his car. I said, "Um. No, I didn't?" thinking it was some kind of weird joke. He told me what brand they were, if I was sure they didn't fall out of my bag awhile back, and I said no, I've never owned a pair of underwear from that brand in my entire life. He then said they must've been from before we met, how embarrassing, etc. I asked him when he found them and where, he said today--he'd been looking for something his mom said she must've dropped and they were under the passenger seat. Since he assumed they were mine, it's clear they belonged to a woman close to me in age and size. What I don't know (and will probably never know...) is if he banged her before or after we met. I don't really know what to think right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 How are things other than that with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 New or purchased used vehicle? This is hilarious btw. Stupid guy question. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Do you really think he would have asked you that question if there was a remote chance that they belonged to someone he had seen whilst you had been dating??????? 30 Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 BTW, does he ever travel to see you? I've only ever seen you mention getting on a train to visit him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigressA Posted January 4, 2013 Author Share Posted January 4, 2013 The car's really old--it's a year older than me (I'm 25). It rattles. Other than this, things have been good. I really don't know what to do. I haven't bought the train tickets yet. Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 WOW. What a bonehead move on his part. You never EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER ask a woman if she left her panties at your place unless you are 100000000000 percent sure they are hers. Either way, it was SUCH a bonehead move that it was probably from before you met, not after. If it was after, he would have burned them....or saved them in his collection. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 WOW. What a bonehead move on his part. You never EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER ask a woman if she left her panties at your place unless you are 100000000000 percent sure they are hers. Either way, it was SUCH a bonehead move that it was probably from before you met, not after. If it was after, he would have burned them....or saved them in his collection. This just made me laugh so freaking hard... I totally concur. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Oh, yuck. Honestly, the fact that he was dumb enough to ask you if they were yours tells me they probably were left there before he met you. But how does a woman leave her underwear in the car? Ew. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigressA Posted January 4, 2013 Author Share Posted January 4, 2013 BTW, does he ever travel to see you? I've only ever seen you mention getting on a train to visit him. We alternate. Maybe I'm just paranoid because I've been gaslighted up the wahoo before... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Here's a life lesson: Inevitably, a person will say or do something which, even if seemingly innocuous, will set you back on your heels. It's at that moment you can make a life decision. This man you're dating, like yourself, is a sexual being. He's had girlfriends, lovers, sex partners, just like yourself. Emotionally, you may be sensitive to his past, especially with an image thrust upon you like this. His past is his past and, unless he's given you reason to doubt his present, remains in his past, the same as yours. You have a choice. You felt an emotion. It's up to you how you process it. In that journey I wish you well. Editorially, I will opine that it is such stories as this which are the reasons most smart (with women) men keep their mouths shut. I don't particularly agree with such behaviors but have seen a lot of evidence to support them as effective. YMMV. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
EasyHeart Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Open mouth, insert foot. Back in college, when I cleaned out my dorm room at the end of the year I found a pair of panties among the dust bunnies under my bed. I gave them to my girlfriend who said, "Ummm, these aren't mine." Oooops. Don't bail out on him, but he's got some major groveling to do this weekend. Major groveling. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 It's right up there with asking a guy if the XXXL jumbo condoms you just found in your drawer are from him or from another guy. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigressA Posted January 4, 2013 Author Share Posted January 4, 2013 Don't bail out on him, but he's got some major groveling to do this weekend. Major groveling. Why would (or should) he grovel for this? Assuming he's telling the truth... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Laughter and teasing seems like the most appropriate response here. Breaking up over this event (in isolation) seems over-dramatic to me. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Why would (or should) he grovel for this? Assuming he's telling the truth... It isn't proper form to present a former gf's panties to your current gf. Some would consider it quite rude, indeed! 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigressA Posted January 4, 2013 Author Share Posted January 4, 2013 Well I doubt I'll get much in the way of groveling, as I doubt he'll think he did anything worth groveling for. Anyway...I wasn't going to automatically break up with him over this. I was just reconsidering going to see him this weekend. I'll go and see how things turn out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 It's right up there with asking a guy if the XXXL jumbo condoms you just found in your drawer are from him or from another guy. Oh come on now...ANY guy will know that XXXL jumbo condoms don't exist. Trust me...I've looked far and wide for some! ...it was for a science project. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
EasyHeart Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Why would (or should) he grovel for this? Assuming he's telling the truth...Because that's what men do. . . It's right up there with asking a guy if the XXXL jumbo condoms you just found in your drawer are from him or from another guy.So that's where I left them! I've been looking all over! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 (edited) Maybe the previous owner got in on with someone. If there was any possibility that he was with someone else recently and the underwear were hers, do you really think he would be sending you a text asking? I don't think he cares that much about the underwear going to its rightful owner. Tigress, this is starting to sound like your last relationship (circa 2011). You and the guy had amazing instant chemistry and then as time went on you found more and more things wrong with him. You also grew quite suspicious. Either something is off with the selection process or you are way too hard on these guys. Edited January 4, 2013 by Imajerk17 4 Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Was your last relationship a LDR as well? LDR is not what I would suggest for someone with trust issues. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigressA Posted January 4, 2013 Author Share Posted January 4, 2013 No, I lived with the last guy for the majority of the relationship. Perhaps I'm not totally over it when it comes to looking at things that have (and may) crop up with my current boyfriend and being able to not say "Ugh this reminds me of my ex", etc etc. I talked about him and our relationship more than I should have. There were several incidents during the time I was with my ex that are a bit similar to this, and my ex tried to be 'dumb like a fox' and gaslight me (he failed). And that was the first thing that entered my mind after my BF told me he found the underwear in his car. Link to post Share on other sites
Bristolius Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 I'm a few hours away from boarding a train to see my boyfriend after almost 3 weeks of not. And I'm thinking of whether or not I should even bother. Earlier this afternoon after we'd exchanged a few texts, he sent me one asking me if I had left a pair of underwear in his car. I said, "Um. No, I didn't?" thinking it was some kind of weird joke. He told me what brand they were, if I was sure they didn't fall out of my bag awhile back, and I said no, I've never owned a pair of underwear from that brand in my entire life. He then said they must've been from before we met, how embarrassing, etc. I asked him when he found them and where, he said today--he'd been looking for something his mom said she must've dropped and they were under the passenger seat. Since he assumed they were mine, it's clear they belonged to a woman close to me in age and size. What I don't know (and will probably never know...) is if he banged her before or after we met. I don't really know what to think right now. Mystery solved. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SunsetRed Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 I'm not trying to rain on your parade or make you paranoid...but just consider that maybe he asked you that question to start a fight or make you step back from him...just consider that idea and keep it in the back of your mind. Otherwise, smile and proceed forward w caution. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigressA Posted January 4, 2013 Author Share Posted January 4, 2013 I'm not trying to rain on your parade or make you paranoid...but just consider that maybe he asked you that question to start a fight or make you step back from him...just consider that idea and keep it in the back of your mind. Otherwise, smile and proceed forward w caution. I already have something worse than that on my mind and it's been festering for hours. I'm thinking "If he cheated, telling me this would give the illusion of being honest. He thinks I would assume he's telling the truth, because what guy who cheated would be so dumb as to tell his girlfriend something like this?" I feel bad for thinking that. Link to post Share on other sites
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