Consolidated 'looks' discussion and society's standards of beauty for men vs women

[123321]

I've dated a few chubbers and it was OK but thin chicks are just better IMO. Current GF is 5' 1 or so and about 80 pounds, pretty close to ideal for me physically.

[Terminal-Ice]

I do think a lot more women like the bean pole build than do the linebacker build.

 

Oh well. I like my linebacker look.

 

I like the middle ground. I don't like super skinny guys and I don't like super muscular guys. I would take the muscular build over the bean pole. That isn't to say that their personalities couldn't win me over, but I am generally attracted to the more average build.

[123321]

So can somebody please explain to me why I constantly see people complaining about their lack of dating success as a result of their physical attractiveness? Is it practically all just men and women going for folks that are away out of their league?

 

MY GF is way out of my league and I tell her so - I don't think that's the problem people have.

[xxoo]

Honestly I found every girl who isn't more than 30 or so pounds overweight to be hot. After that, everything else is icing on the cake. The cake already exists with simply good WHR and is therefore edible.

 

Cake!

 

A man that is slender and slender alone is like a cake serving plate with nothing on it. The vagina sees nothing to Eat.

 

Where is it?

 

This makes a frightening amount of sense to me.

 

There is whining and crying about weight disparities on here because the poor readers amongst us STILL apparently do not understand that men and women value different aspects of appearance.

 

This, too.

 

I do think that an average woman's body is much more sexually stimulating to men than an average man's body is to women--visually, at least. Completely different when it gets down to what that body can do.

Edited February 11, 2013 by xxoo

[SJC2008]

Looks matching does not necessarily imply weight matching. Looks matching only concerns a match between each partner's level of desirability to the opposite sex. Men and women assess different body parts to determine attractiveness. Men typically focus on the body, women typically focus on the face.

 

Anything below slight facial attractiveness does nothing for genital arousal in slender women. Any girl that has a slender figure arouses a great deal of men even if she has an average face. Therefore, this girl can pair off with slightly facially attractive men if she wants some commitment. The desirability of her body matches the desirability of a slightly facially attractive man.

 

The desirability of an average slender guy's face matches the desirability of a chubby girl's body and this is why you see male 5s with chubby girls.

 

Most of us deserve chubby girls. There is whining and crying about weight disparities on here because the poor readers amongst us STILL apparently do not understand that men and women value different aspects of appearance.

 

I see what you're saying about desireability but if the woman valued face over body there would be way more chunky girls with chunky cute guys and not the sphagetti string guys they're with. So what are you gonna tell me now? The chunky cute guys are with the bikini girls?

[xxoo]

So what are you gonna tell me now? The chunky cute guys are with the bikini girls?

 

It happens! I've known a lot of couples like that, actually.

[SJC2008]

It happens! I've known a lot of couples like that, actually.

 

That's cool... I don't expect a bikini girl and am 100% fine with women who are a little chubby but it DOES get me down that most of them have skinny bf's. So what am I supposed to do? Kill myself in the gym to get a chinky girl? I'm not about to!

[xxoo]

That's cool... I don't expect a bikini girl and am 100% fine with women who are a little chubby but it DOES get me down that most of them have skinny bf's. So what am I supposed to do? Kill myself in the gym to get a chinky girl? I'm not about to!

 

Just as in women, there is a point where extra weight on a man is just unattractive. I have no idea how much weight you are talking about.

 

But again, why disparage the "chunky girl", as if she isn't worth any effort? If you aren't attracted to her, then don't go for her. But if you are attracted to her, put the effort in to get her!

 

Or just go for thinner girls. Go for whatever inspires you to put in the effort.

[SJC2008]

Just as in women, there is a point where extra weight on a man is just unattractive. I have no idea how much weight you are talking about.

 

But again, why disparage the "chunky girl", as if she isn't worth any effort? If you aren't attracted to her, then don't go for her. But if you are attracted to her, put the effort in to get her!

 

Or just go for thinner girls. Go for whatever inspires you to put in the effort.

 

I'm not disparaging her, I'm attracted to plenty of chunky girls. What do you mean buy putting in the effort? If you mean by losing weight why should a guy have to be skinny to get a chunky girl??

[123321]

So what are you gonna tell me now? The chunky cute guys are with the bikini girls?

 

 

Describes my GF and I pretty well actually.

[mesmerized]

I see what you're saying about desireability but if the woman valued face over body there would be way more chunky girls with chunky cute guys and not the sphagetti string guys they're with. So what are you gonna tell me now? The chunky cute guys are with the bikini girls?

 

Depends on the girl. For me "body >>> face". The majority of the girls I know would agree to this.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Depends on the girl. For me "body >>> face". The majority of the girls I know would agree to this.

 

I also value body over face. I am happy with a plain/average face as long as the body is hard

[xxoo]

I'm not disparaging her, I'm attracted to plenty of chunky girls. What do you mean buy putting in the effort? If you mean by losing weight why should a guy have to be skinny to get a chunky girl??

 

Because she is already attractive to you.

 

Want a girlfriend? Make yourself attractive to the women you are attracted to.

[SJC2008]

Depends on the girl. For me "body >>> face". The majority of the girls I know would agree to this.

 

Well the problem for me is that I'll never be skinny. I can "manage" my weight if you will. I'm 5'10 210 right now, I usually hover around 200 and if I "let myself go" I can get up to 215-220. TBS I carry my weight well and most people are surprised when I tell them what I weigh.

 

I just get frustrated when I see so many couples where the girl won't be able to fit into the guys jeans!

[man_in_the_box]

I just get frustrated when I see so many couples where the girl won't be able to fit into the guys jeans!

 

How come ?!?

[xxoo]

Well the problem for me is that I'll never be skinny. I can "manage" my weight if you will. I'm 5'10 210 right now, I usually hover around 200 and if I "let myself go" I can get up to 215-220. TBS I carry my weight well and most people are surprised when I tell them what I weigh.

 

I just get frustrated when I see so many couples where the girl won't be able to fit into the guys jeans!

 

Not all women like skinny. Not even close to all. Not even all thin women.

 

I don't believe weight is your issue.

[somedude81]

Because she is already attractive to you.

 

Want a girlfriend? Make yourself attractive to the women you are attracted to.

The advice sounds so simple.

 

And I really wish it was that easy in real life.

[xxoo]

The advice sounds so simple.

 

And I really wish it was that easy in real life.

 

I said that to SJC for a reason. He had an idea of what to do (go to the gym), but resents having to do it for "chunky" girls--even though he is attracted to them.

 

I see this a lot here. The position seems to be "I am attracted to her, and we are equally attractive imo, so she should be attracted to me." It doesn't work that way.

[SJC2008]

Not all women like skinny. Not even close to all. Not even all thin women.

 

I don't believe weight is your issue.

 

I don't know how this got turned into MY issure. This is a looks/physical thread.

[SJC2008]

I said that to SJC for a reason. He had an idea of what to do (go to the gym), but resents having to do it for "chunky" girls--even though he is attracted to them.

 

I see this a lot here. The position seems to be "I am attracted to her, and we are equally attractive imo, so she should be attracted to me." It doesn't work that way.

 

I don't understand how you're not seeing where I'm coming from. I'm not saying just becasue a woman is chunky she HAS to be attracted to me, it doesn't work that way. I'm attracted to all types of woman and would date a woman who is chunky if I'm attracted to her. But when you see that most chunky women have skinny guys anyway, it's discouraging. And I am not going to lose weight for a woman who is out of shape, it doesn't work that way.

[somedude81]

It's very discouraging to have to be more attractive than the female for her to consider dating you.

 

It basically means that if a guy thinks a girl is in his league because they are similarly attractive, he has to look lower.

 

So if a guy doesn't want to date the chunky girls, it seems that he has to considerably attractive.

 

Ugh, I hate talking about these things. I just wish I could meet a normal halfway decent looking girl and start dating her, without having to play all these games and trying to self-improve myself to impossible levels.

[xxoo]

I don't understand how you're not seeing where I'm coming from. I'm not saying just becasue a woman is chunky she HAS to be attracted to me, it doesn't work that way. I'm attracted to all types of woman and would date a woman who is chunky if I'm attracted to her. But when you see that most chunky women have skinny guys anyway, it's discouraging. And I am not going to lose weight for a woman who is out of shape, it doesn't work that way.

 

First of all, I'm a thin woman married to a man who tends to carry a few extra pounds. I work my azz off to stay sexy for him--because that is what is attractive to him. I don't resent staying thin because he isn't thin. I don't even want him to be "skinny" (although I do like it when he is fit).

 

Secondly, to the bolded....why not? If you are attracted to her, why wouldn't you want to be attractive to her? Why is a "chunky" woman worth less effort than a thin one, if both are attractive to you?

 

Thirdly, who cares who other men and women date? You must be blind to the skinny woman/bigger man couples out there, because there are plenty of them. Lots of thin women prefer a bigger guy over a skinny one.

[xxoo]

It basically means that if a guy thinks a girl is in his league because they are similarly attractive, he has to look lower.

 

Your "league" = mutual attraction. That's it. You thinking you are similarly attractive doesn't equal mutual attraction. Some of the girls who you believe to be similarly attractive will be mutually attracted. Some.

 

When you see a thin man with a chunky girl, don't assume he thinks she is less attractive than him. Lots of men like a little more meat than you like.

[123321]

First of all, I'm a thin woman married to a man who tends to carry a few extra pounds. I work my azz off to stay sexy for him--because that is what is attractive to him. I don't resent staying thin because he isn't thin. I don't even want him to be "skinny" (although I do like it when he is fit).

 

Secondly, to the bolded....why not? If you are attracted to her, why wouldn't you want to be attractive to her? Why is a "chunky" woman worth less effort than a thin one, if both are attractive to you?

 

Thirdly, who cares who other men and women date? You must be blind to the skinny woman/bigger man couples out there, because there are plenty of them. Lots of thin women prefer a bigger guy over a skinny one.

 

I'm a bear, I used to be very fit and muscular and over time I've developed a smooth cladding of fat over the muscle

 

My leg is literally as big as my GF waist, my arm very near to her leg in size. Some of it is fat but most is not, and for reasons I don't fully understand she likes the size of my arms and shoulders. I wake up often to find her feeling of the muscles in my chest or arms. To me, I just look fat, but to her it's OK I guess.

 

She probably wouldn't mind me leaner, but I'm pretty certain skinny isn't her thing.

 

 

EDIT:

 

Oh, she's a bit over 5' and 80 pounds, 32c-23-32, so not a big girl.

[SJC2008]

First of all, I'm a thin woman married to a man who tends to carry a few extra pounds. I work my azz off to stay sexy for him--because that is what is attractive to him. I don't resent staying thin because he isn't thin. I don't even want him to be "skinny" (although I do like it when he is fit).

 

Secondly, to the bolded....why not? If you are attracted to her, why wouldn't you want to be attractive to her? Why is a "chunky" woman worth less effort than a thin one, if both are attractive to you?

 

Thirdly, who cares who other men and women date? You must be blind to the skinny woman/bigger man couples out there, because there are plenty of them. Lots of thin women prefer a bigger guy over a skinny one.

 

We'll just agree to disagree on this topic. I'm not saying "I can't get a gf because ALL women want skinny men". I'm saying as a man who struggles in dating, it's very discouraging that I see a lot of chunky women with thin men.

 

You have a legit point about turning a blind eye, when your down on your luck you tend to only see things that make matters worse. Trust me, I know there are chunky women with chunky men and even skinny women with chunky men. But I do no those combinations are NOT as common as chunky women with skinny men, I see it all the time.

 

I'm not trying to lower a chunky womans value and I'm not saying she's worth less effort than a thin one. I'm saying why do I have to be thin to get a chunky women? It doesn't make sense.