Nc Rule Depends On So Much!

[unsureofthings]

You know, I've been doing alot of thinking about all this stuff. Everyone say's to not contact the person etc. I believe this to be true to a certain extent. For example..... When my wife and I seperated, I didnt contact her for a week or so. I think we spoke once on the phone once briefly but did not discuss anything about the relationship. It's been a little over two weeks now and she finally called yesturday. Not to talk about the relationship but to talk about the separation. I figured it was time to stop playing games, not contacting etc because listen to me people...the no contact rule can work and it can also tear whatever you have left apart. For example, some people are stubborn, very stubborn like my wife for example. I know that if I didnt tell her the way I feel, or show her attempts of reconcilliation she will just shut the door on me. Thats the way its always been in our relationship. If we got into an arugument that was definately not my fault, she would not speak to me until getting an appology or explanation. My point here is that were not in high school and shouldnt play these stupid games of no contact, who's gonna call who crap! After this two week period and us not contacting eachother, I felt it was time to let her know what I think so I layed it all on the line. I didnt beg, I didnt plea all I did was tell her that I love her very much, what I am willing to change, how I would change it and that I'd be willing to do anything to give this another shot and that I didnt not want to throw in the towel after only 10 months of marriage. You know what? If felt good, really good to get it off my chest because I wasnt going crazy inside anymore. Now I wont be sitting here waiting, wondering whats going on etc. She agreed to think about all that I said I will call me later. If any of you are in the same situation, quit wasting your time wondering and waiting. Tell him or her exactly how you feel withought demmanding a instant decision and let it be. If the person you just married still shuts the door on you and doesnt reach back, you'll feel better knowing that you did all that you could. Why would we want to be with someone who doesnt want to fight back for the relationship? There are going to be ruff times in your marriage. There are going to be up's and down's and if the going gets ruff and they just want to leave or quit, you dont want to be with someone like that anyways......

[blue636]

I'm sorry, I tried to read your post but I found it difficult. Try structuring your posts using paragraphs, please.

[Scott S]

You mentioned not being in high school, but didn't mention your ages, nor whether your separation was a trial separation, etc.

 

It sounds like you're understandably upset right now. I think one of the purposes of the No-contact rule is for each of you to cool off a bit. Emotions get quite high, & it's very easy to say things that you'd quickly regret.

 

When you're "laying it on the line," it's imprtant to avoid finger-pointing, name-calling, or anything like that if your intent is to save the relationship. If tempers flare, nothing is accomplished except widening the gulf between you. Tell the other person how you feel, why you're hurting, what you want to see change in the relationship, how you intend to contribute, & what you would like your partner to do.

 

Once you both cool off, you really need to talk about what exactly you're looking for in a love relationship, & decide whether you can each provide that. Couples counseling would help a lot. Provide a neutral 3rd party to listen to both sides of the problem objectively. You both will likely hear things you don't want to hear, but if you want the marriage to work you both need to put the effort into it.

 

Good luck to you both!