jorainbow Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 So last night again my fella decided that 2am would be a good time to start messing in the hope that I would wake up feeling like bouncing round the room! Bearing in mind I came home early from work yesterday full of cold and went to bed early I wasnt impressed. Joking aside though I felt like I just wanted to cry. What right has he got to carry on trying when clearly I am not interested? And then make it my problem? Things have not been good in this dept for a few months and I was beginning to think it was me approaching menopause (am 43) ,a little low as I spend a lot of time sorting his crap out and putting up with his daily drinking. I have stayed away thinking he'll make an effort to come see me (we live apart) but he doesnt (in four years he has stayed in my bed half a dozen times). I miss kissing and that intimacy but he has a dental phobia and something is clearly not good in there. I have finished it but something keeps us bouncing back. I met up with an old male school friend in October and yes I could have but didnt though we did kiss and it reduced me to tears because to me that is so important and I miss it but I felt guilty as hell. I know I cant change him and for the most part dont want to but something is not right because I dont want to be intimate. How can I tactfully tell him that some of this isnt actually me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jorainbow Posted January 5, 2013 Author Share Posted January 5, 2013 LoveShack.org Community Forums Have questions or concerns about your significant other, coworkers, family, or just relationships in general? Not sure who to turn to? Enter now and let our caring, close-knit community help you find the answers for yourself! Clearly I entered the wrong site and have arrived at the polar opposite. Thanks for your caring considerate advice. Maybe try taking up counselling? I am sure the thousands out there who may find it difficult to say what they feel or are having a hard time would welcome your words 1 Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 jorainbow...Your question... How can I tactfully tell him that some of this isnt actually me? isn't exactly clear so let me ask this. What is it exactly again that you would like to know? 1. That his oral hygiene is bad? 2. That he drinks too much? 3. that you don't appreciate the 2 AM booty calls? 4. That you don't want booty calls all together? 5. That you don't want to see him anymore? 6. Any combo or all of the above? Well your in luck, it just so happens that there really isn't any tactful way about a complaint like these, so the answer is the same for all...just tell him. But without a personal attack of course. Link to post Share on other sites
MrWindupBird Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 I think you should lay it out on the table. Give him two roads. There's the option where you both move on. And there's the option for compromise. If he can get his teeth fixed, or whatever it is, and if he can moderate his drinking problem, and if he can start spending more time with you, then (your turn) you can start being a bit more sexually acquiescent. You seeing someone else is a sign that you're not happy and are looking for new leads. If he's willing to compromise, then he can be the lead you're looking for. If not, then it will only get worse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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