I caught him cheating and now he wants "us" more than ever

[oceans23]

I am sure everyone has heard this one a million times... I walked in on my BF cheating on me with one of his ex-flings that I had suspected was no good for months. He kind of dropped her like a hot potato once he met me (little over one year ago) and I guess you could say she's been bitter ever since and definitely hasn't let go. He claims it was a one shot deal and was the biggest mistake of his life. He loves me and had serious long term plans for us, etc., etc. She on the other hand claims it has been ongoing, which he denies vehemently.

 

I do not believe for a second that it was a one time occurrence... I guess he figures if he doesn't admit to anything then there will be hope for us? I haven't backed down on this belief, yet neither has he. I've instead been bombarded by an overwhelming amount of affection, professions of undying love, desires to move in together, and better yet, definite desires to being married and having children with me in the future.... his apparent sincerity in wanting to make things right with me is beyond confusing particularly since I am still convinced that he's lying about the frequency of his relations with this girl.

 

Naturally all my friends think I should run for the hills, but I can't help but wonder if this could be one of those cases where the relationship actually winds up 10x stronger than before.... or is he just grabbing for the biggest handful of straws he can out of guilt?

 

Any words of wisdom from an outsider's perspective would be much appreciated!!

[violagirl87]

Wow, thats really hard. Do you love him? I would say, if you love him, its worth trying to work through, but trusting him would be really difficult. And for if it was the first time, think of the chances that you would walk in on them the FIRST time... I tend to agree with you, it had probably been going on for a while. So my advice, if you love him, try to work through it, but I could be extra cautious.

[EC]

I agree.

 

He has apologized and what you do is you forgive but you don't forget.

 

If you don't love him then run for the hills you don't need someone like that and you would be wasting your time with him instead of finding someone better.

 

If you love him then try to work it out. It will be hard and you have to let him understanf beforehand that you will be questioning where he goes and what he does and who he does it with and he's going to have to deal with it and not complain because he cheated.

 

You also need to tell him that he is not to contact the other girl anymore.

 

It will be extremely hard to trust and be with him again but if you love him just remember that you love him and it will be ok.

 

Good luck!

[darkside121]

I tell you what. I am damn sick of this cheating bull****. I know how it goes. My girlfriend did this same bull**** to me like a month ago and we have been together for three years. Being a hopeless romantic really sucks because if you are one, you throw yourself at this other person and they just throw you back to the world by cheating on you. Believe me, I know. **** cheating. It is the dumbest thing ever.

[Girlie]

Please understand that anything I say is just from my own experience, which of course, may differ from others. But I've unfortunately been cheated on numerous, numerous times, and I've found that the cheater, if they don't want to lose you, will often be very remorseful once caught and express tons of undying affection and promises that it will never happen again and they don't know what they were thinking. I've also often found that once they have you back, they go out and cheat again. Again, this is just my experience. I guess what I'm saying is be skeptical and be very cautious. I can't tell you what to do, and if I knew you I would probably echo your friends' advice and tell you to run like hell. But it's up to you, and all I'll say is that if you want to stay, be very careful.

Your heart is a precious commodity, so to speak. Don't be too quick to hand it to someone who has proven untrustworthy.

[Mr Spock]

Run to the hills.....run for your life.....

 

It's human nature to try and hang on to something you've irrevocably f*cked up.

 

The popular jock in highschool will date the prettiest cheerleader(you) but still boink the town whore behind the bleachers once in a while (her) because he knows he can. I think he's lying about the frequency too.

 

I would be tempted to wash your hands of this whole mess. Regardless of ongoing or not, she's spiteful, he f*cked her and you can't trust EITHER ONE OF THEM.

 

Stop taking his phone calls-if he's so willing to hump her, she can have him.

[Bubbles]

If what he did bothers you terribly then I second the motion.......RUN FOR THE HILLS!

 

I have to ask though.....you said that you "walked in on them?" Is this the truth? Did you walk in and see them with your eyes actually 'doing it? OMG! That would be terrible. I would kill!

 

My last relationship ended because of cheating. My boyfriend of 7 years - cheated on me from day #1. I only caught him once and I forgave him and gave him a second chance. I should'nt have. I could never trust him again. I was only fooling myself. So I broke it off with him and you know what? I found out that he had slept with at least 8 other women while living with me and my children. What a PIG huh?

 

Your boyfriend is reacting EXACTLY th same way that my ex boyfriend did. I wouldn't trust him. I couldn't! I tried but just couldn't so I ended it.....

 

 

Good Luck

 

Bubbles

[SoleMate]

Naturally all my friends think I should run for the hills

I agree with your friends. Your bf sounds like a guy who is just too comfortable with the "multiple women on a string" concept.

 

He loves me and had serious long term plans for us

He could prove his love by cutting out the lying and cheating. Also, it's quite possible he was sincere about the long term plans. Just read Loveshack for a while, and you will realize that there are many men who have longterm setups including both a main squeeze (W or GF), plus one or more longterm/shortterm shag partners. 99% of these men make sure that the main woman never finds out about the other(s). Obviously this kind of thing takes planning and preparation on his part, so that may be what he was referring to.

 

Cut your losses. Please. It's so much easier when he's "just" a BF and not a H...and there are no offspring involved...

[honey2005]

It's human nature to try and hang on to something you've irrevocably f*cked up.

 

I completely agree with Mr. Spock, don't take his calls anymore. If he wanted to cheat on you with her, let her have him.

[zara]

yep - he's not worth it.

 

An ex of mine has been calling me lately - he told me he is getting married but wants to spend a weekend with me. "i really love her, i just want to make sure i am doing the right thing" Evidently not. His girl found a text he sent me and all hell blew up but this snake then talked her into agreeing to have a threesome with me - he neglected to think that i would just throw up at the very thought of a threesome, but that is the kind of manipulative, low life he is. Any man who would sleep with another woman when he claims to love you is not worth the time of day. Get out now whilst you can.