Nearing 25 but never kissed/ had sex with a woman - getting desperate

[racer120]

Hi all,

 

I need to get this off my chest because I'm nearing a quarter of a century in age and I feel down for still not having kissed a girl in my life (let alone have sex).

 

Although I generally do well around women in talking and making them laugh, things never quite get to the point where I can be sure I will pull off the kiss. Naturally there have been a few chances looking back, but I either screwed them, or I either didn't have enough confidence she would like it.

 

The main problem here is that I don't get in contact with girls a lot. I am a shy, secluded type with very little social life. I would like it to be different though, but all my friends either moved out or are still studying. And going out on my own isn't exactly my thing either (in fact, I don't quite enjoy clubbing and stuff like that).

 

Anyway, with no real prospects at this time and with time slowly ticking, I thought it would be important to have my first kiss behind me. Even if it is only to feel like how it is and how it is done.

 

What are your suggestions in this game?

 

oh, and for your info, I'm going to Cuba soon, on my own.

[normal person]

 

 

 

Although I generally do well around women in talking and making them laugh, things never quite get to the point where I can be sure I will pull off the kiss. Naturally there have been a few chances looking back, but I either screwed them, or I either didn't have enough confidence she would like it.

 

Your big problem is in bold. Women are subtle, and although it helps to be able to read the small nuances of body language, the fact is you may never be "sure" if she's going to like it. If you like the girl, be really engaging, charming, funny, etc, and if she likes you back, she'll make it very apparent that she wants you to kiss her. Depending on the setting, her age, and how much alcohol is involved, she might just grab you and go for it herself.

 

You can always preface your action with a "I really like you" or "I think you're really cute," and if she reciprocates with something similar, then you're pretty much good to go. If you misread things, and she in fact doesn't want to be kissed, she'll probably just pull away from you or tolerate it for a second before pulling away.

[FitChick]

Take ballroom dancing lessons. It will give you an opportunity to get comfortable being physically close to a woman. There is always a shortage of men in those classes. Then you will be a hot commodity on the dance floor with women of all ages and you will become physically fit as a bonus.

[shalisha42]

Hi all,

 

I need to get this off my chest because I'm nearing a quarter of a century in age and I feel down for still not having kissed a girl in my life (let alone have sex).

 

Although I generally do well around women in talking and making them laugh, things never quite get to the point where I can be sure I will pull off the kiss. Naturally there have been a few chances looking back, but I either screwed them, or I either didn't have enough confidence she would like it.

 

The main problem here is that I don't get in contact with girls a lot. I am a shy, secluded type with very little social life. I would like it to be different though, but all my friends either moved out or are still studying. And going out on my own isn't exactly my thing either (in fact, I don't quite enjoy clubbing and stuff like that).

 

Anyway, with no real prospects at this time and with time slowly ticking, I thought it would be important to have my first kiss behind me. Even if it is only to feel like how it is and how it is done.

 

What are your suggestions in this game?

 

oh, and for your info, I'm going to Cuba soon, on my own.

 

May I ask what your upbringing was? Many times, people of your age who have never kissed a girl before have come from backgrounds that are strictly religious borderline abusive. Most families encourage men and women to date early - i.e., as early as 14. Where were your parents during those years? Why didn't they encourage you to date and help you overcome your shyness? They had to have known. They had to have wondered why you never dated. Didn't they ever ask you? If not, why not?

[czen]

I kissed my first girl when I was 19, so I'm kinda feeling you. How I got over it? I studied a lot of PUA stuff, you may have heard about it. Never bought any of the stuff of course, I was quite good at finding the good stuff for free.

 

I'm not saying you should study it too, in the end I think I wasted a lot of time with it. It was informative, but all the stuff you learn is mostly a crutch which you can use to get more confident. People believe the stuff they read works, thus they employ it with confidence and presto! Results appear.

 

So yeah, my advice: be confident and be bold. I know it's harder said then done, I've had it a bunch of times were I saw a cute girl and I was like "Oh yeah, this it, I got this!... But first I'm gonna bide my time a bit and triple check my hair looks good."Yeah, you'll get burned, but there is one quote I learnt in the PUA world which I love: "There is no such as thing as failure, everything is a learning experience." Another thing I liked doing was imagining what some tv characters I know would do. Like what would Sawyer of Mark Sloan do if they were into a girl? Like Mark Sloan says: "When I like someone, I let them know. Life's too short to live it any other way." It may sound a bit lame to get pushed by quotes from chracters, but it helped me, and the end really justifies the means in this case.

 

Just force yourself to do something with girls and your confidence will grow. Don't feel bad that you haven't kissed anyone yet, you are not the only one out there. Just make sure you get out there with an intent to change it.

[GravityMan]

May I ask what your upbringing was? Many times, people of your age who have never kissed a girl before have come from backgrounds that are strictly religious borderline abusive. Most families encourage men and women to date early - i.e., as early as 14. Where were your parents during those years? Why didn't they encourage you to date and help you overcome your shyness? They had to have known. They had to have wondered why you never dated. Didn't they ever ask you? If not, why not?

 

I echo Shalisha's questions.

 

I agree that for most people who struggle with intimacy, dating and relationships - and people who are shy in general - the root cause can be traced back to their upbringing and environment during childhood. Either a seriously religious background, or a broken home, or lack of parental attention and love, or constantly picked on or even bullied during elementary and junior high.

 

OP - whatever you do, don't get desperate. That'll just hurt you even more.

[Feelin Frisky]

My family moved when I was in the middle of the senior year of HS and because of my family dynamic I could not go to college right away. I worked a demanding job and time went by until I found myself facing the same feeling in my 20's. Never kissed yet and was worried. One day this lovely older woman, maybe 40, who I had worked with left to move on. I had no idea she liked me. The last thing she did before going out the door in front of 30 people was kiss me right on the lips. She was shy and reserved too. I'm sure I must have blushed because I had a problem with that until I started taking Prozac in the 90's. That stuff totally knocked out my blushing, social anxiety etc. But this kiss was a decade before that at least. I sometimes think that I should have tore ass after her to maybe knock boots with her and lose my cherry. But as I let myself join the company more socially and went to Christmas parties I found that she wasn't the only one who was hanging on to a quiet crush on me. A divorcee of 33 asked me to a Broadway show and I accepted. It was on after that. Then I got someone that I liked who also liked me back. It will happen but as I advise others, you have to put yourself among women to meat them, er I mean meet them.

[ghan]

Take ballroom dancing lessons. It will give you an opportunity to get comfortable being physically close to a woman. There is always a shortage of men in those classes. Then you will be a hot commodity on the dance floor with women of all ages and you will become physically fit as a bonus.

 

I think this is good advice. I've taken some dance lessons fairly recently and it has improved my confidence no end. Just knowing I can outperform most men once I step on the dancefloor gives me a boost.

 

EDIT: I should stay I started those classes having read through this, ( I found it helpful anyway)

DivShare File - Self Improvement Fast Track_new-cnh8j.pdf

Edited January 21, 2013 by ghan
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