Friend Zone Situation

[beinghumble]

Bear with my Grammar:cool:

 

Hello fellow Loveshack subscribers! I'm 27 Male who resides in Florida. I have a situation with a girl I met at my job. I met her in training June of 2012. When I first seen this girl I was like wow! Googly eyes n all . I approached her as only trying to be a friend when thats a big no no because you will end up being put in the friend zone, but that's the way how I approached it and entered. We would hang out but always as a group, so it would be me her, her friend, and one of my boys. Anyway to move things along, fast forward to October when she starts to notice me flirting, and I notice her doing the same thing, at this point its starting to become obvious that something there. Even the whole team at work can see that, people always question if we are dating..Fast forward again to December where she finally comes over to my house the first time and we make out, do a lot of foreplay but what bothers me is that she was laying in my bed with nothing on but Panties and she would not let me take them off to have penetration/sex. She was not on her period at all and the only thing I can think of is she teasing me? Why would she want to do that? Why be topless in my bed with only wearing Boy shorts while I have a full hard on and not let me take the next step.

[118unknown]

Sounds like shes jsut 'playing hard to get bro' keep trying - and eventually you will get there!

Best of luck

[redleader]

I can say with some experience there the only reason a woman would let it go that far without going all the way: other issues.

 

I remember one that once we got to the shirtless stage literally started crying much my to my total horror, it turned out she had some pretty heavy stuff in her past that she had not reached the point of getting over. If she had any sexual crimes or mistreatment in her past she might have severe anxiety or beyond.

 

That may not be the case with this one, but a strong possibility. Tough call though, safe bet is to play it cool for the moment, maybe she will thaw out to you a bit. But you don't want to force it either at this point, or risk driving her away. A little sensitivity might serve you well here, but don't get trapped in a bad spot of being her impromptu therapist either. If you get to that place again and she does the same I wouldn't think calling it out would be unfair, but have some tact when addressing it because you could be called out to be an ******* quickly.

 

Though it does recant another that I had, who would do the same thing in a way. She would sleep in her undies (and she was tall and hot) but would never go all the way, or at least have the niceness to inform me where things stood. Total blue balls, and I never knew why exactly. Snuggles in her underwear in my bed but won't go further? Couldn't tell you what that was about exactly...

Edited January 8, 2013 by redleader

[carhill]

She likes that you want her. Your erection validates her. You, as a person, are generally irrelevant.

 

 

Move on.

[beinghumble]

She likes that you want her. Your erection validates her. You, as a person, are generally irrelevant.

 

 

Move on.

 

Thank you all for your feedback, Carhill I really appreciate it. I kind of figured but just wanted to here from someone else. She is just wasting my time...smh! I don't want to bring it up to talk about it because it will seem like I'm dwelling, I will just start to separate myself from her...Start off by ignoring her calls when she do call because normally I'm the one who calls/txt first.

[beinghumble]

I can say with some experience there the only reason a woman would let it go that far without going all the way: other issues.

 

I remember one that once we got to the shirtless stage literally started crying much my to my total horror, it turned out she had some pretty heavy stuff in her past that she had not reached the point of getting over. If she had any sexual crimes or mistreatment in her past she might have severe anxiety or beyond.

 

That may not be the case with this one, but a strong possibility. Tough call though, safe bet is to play it cool for the moment, maybe she will thaw out to you a bit. But you don't want to force it either at this point, or risk driving her away. A little sensitivity might serve you well here, but don't get trapped in a bad spot of being her impromptu therapist either. If you get to that place again and she does the same I wouldn't think calling it out would be unfair, but have some tact when addressing it because you could be called out to be an ******* quickly.

 

Though it does recant another that I had, who would do the same thing in a way. She would sleep in her undies (and she was tall and hot) but would never go all the way, or at least have the niceness to inform me where things stood. Total blue balls, and I never knew why exactly. Snuggles in her underwear in my bed but won't go further? Couldn't tell you what that was about exactly...

 

Carhill may have gave us our answer on that bro.

[rupert-hill]

Have you considered that maybe she doesn't believe in sex before marriage? Or maybe she was raped at one point in her life and she has issues about it. The only way you'll know why she won't let you take her shorts off after repeated tries is to talk about it. Maybe she's just simply not ready, who knows. Only she knows the answer. It's also possible that she's still a virgin and wants to share real love with you before you take the next step. Go slow, take your time. What's the rush?

[carhill]

OP, good question. Has she communicated to you that she is a rape/molestation survivor and has psychological issues surrounding sex? That she's a virgin? What is her relationship and familial history, to your knowledge? Has she made any proactive move to alleviate/satisfy your sexual arousal, given that you've been intimate enough for her to experience it as self-evident?

 

I'll offer some experience from the other side of the fence; there have been a number of women who have ended 'things' with myself because I wanted to wait for sexual activity and 'grow' the relationship. Their sexual needs were more immediate and I did not 'fill' the need so they ended things. I see this as a similar circumstance, genders reversed. OP, has the lady in question *ever* communicated her sexual perspective to you. As an example, in the past, I directly told ladies I preferred to have sexual relations in exclusive and monogamous relationships. At that point, or when they observed my actions supporting those words, they made a decision, to proceed or leave dependent upon how they felt. What has been your experience here?

[beinghumble]

Rupert -Hill Thank you for response. Carhill thanks again for your thoughts. What we can rule out first is if she has been raped or touched as a young girl. She is 24 and have a son. The son is 1years old. She is active with the church, she goes every Sunday, but What I picked up on while we talked was she wanting to get married before she had a kid but things happen. She was not married when she had her first child but she always tell me she wants to get married for her second. Carhill I have not asked her or has she told me her sexual perspective towards me. I figured if a girl came to my house after dinner and we make out which leads to the taken off of clothes except the panties one would think she has sexual feelings towards me. I shouldn't have to play detective to figure out what she feels about me..I might be putting this relationship or friendship I should say to rest. I obviously have feelings for her but I don't want to put all my chips on the table for her not to feel the same way and for me to get hurt.

[carhill]

Here's some fatherly advice. If you can climb into bed semi-naked and 'make out', you can have a frank and honest discussion about sex, birth control and STD's - outside of the bedroom.

 

She's a mother of a one-year old child. She knows exactly what she's doing. That baby wasn't made in a vacuum or via a rape. She's been with men. Now, it remains to be seen if she and you have any future together. If you want this, prosecute it in your style. If she's with you, she is. If not, not.

 

Personally, with further revelations, I'd be more decisive in my move to the door, but you're in the real life dynamic so it's your call. Good luck.

[beinghumble]

Thank you and appreciate all the advice.

[rupert-hill]

beinghumble, when you have the mature discussion about STD's find out if she's hiding one under her panties. You never know unless you take the initiative to ask her. STD's are more common these days than you might think.

 

So, she says that she wants to get married before she has her 2nd kid. Ask her if she's abstaining from sex, because she's decided to no longer have intercourse until she's married for fear that she could accidentally get pregnant. If I were you, I wouldn't let her go and then marry her right away.