If sleeping around and being promiscuous is not not wrong then why lie about it ?

[Nyla]

DarrenK, there is nothing inherently wrong about promiscuity. It's just that there are physical, emotional and social consequences of sleeping with many partners. I would hope that those who have made such mistakes, can be introspective and try to understand what drove them to be careless with their bodies and hearts.

 

There is nothing wrong with having standards for who you fall in love with. I have never thought of promiscuity as a dealbreaker, as long as the man was being faithful to me and he could prove that he had no diseases. I also realized that a person can grow and mature from who they were in the past

 

Women lie about their numbers because they know that most men will judge them harshly if they had too many or sometimes too few. This does not make being dishonest acceptable.My husband and I knew about each other's sexual pasts when we walked down the aisle. Neither of us believed in judging each other for the amount of sexual partners we both had. I realize that was a personal choice that worked for us.

 

My husband says that when he was single, he enjoyed women who were experienced because they were better in bed. My hubby respected me the most because I didn't go to bed on the second or third date like other women he dated. I waited months to make sure I got to know him in other ways first.

[Nyla]

Some individuals have an inflated sense of how important they are to people they don't even know.

 

"Me being your husband"? Meandmyself, I am not married to you, so please don't try to put yourself in my husband's place. He is free to draw his own conclusions about his wife, just as you are about anyone you choose.

 

I visit to LS to help others and receive help if I ask for it. As I said before, I am not interesting in arguing or negativity. Sorry if that is what you are looking for but I am not taking the bait. Thanks.

[Nyla]

Wow....I didn't know I slept with men on the second date before I met my husband. I don't even remember posting those words!

Edited January 10, 2013 by Nyla

[DarrenK]

These are post of many people that have gone threw simalir situations

[sarah.H]

DarrenK, there is nothing inherently wrong about promiscuity. It's just that there are physical, emotional and social consequences of sleeping with many partners. I would hope that those who have made such mistakes, can be introspective and try to understand what drove them to be careless with their bodies and hearts.

 

There is nothing wrong with having standards for who you fall in love with. I have never thought of promiscuity as a dealbreaker, as long as the man was being faithful to me and he could prove that he had no diseases. I also realized that a person can grow and mature from who they were in the past

 

Women lie about their numbers because they know that most men will judge them harshly if they had too many or sometimes too few. This does not make being dishonest acceptable.My husband and I knew about each other's sexual pasts when we walked down the aisle. Neither of us believed in judging each other for the amount of sexual partners we both had. I realize that was a personal choice that worked for us.

 

My husband says that when he was single, he enjoyed women who were experienced because they were better in bed. My hubby respected me the most because I didn't go to bed on the second or third date like other women he dated. I waited months to make sure I got to know him in other ways first.

 

I am new here on ls but wow! seriously there's nothing wrong with sleeping around ?

I've been with 5 my entire life I'm 31 all relationships I find it so disturbing when women act like this I cant imagine letting some random guy inside me that's sick.

[Nyla]

I am new here on ls but wow! seriously there's nothing wrong with sleeping around ?

I've been with 5 my entire life I'm 31 all relationships I find it so disturbing when women act like this I cant imagine letting some random guy inside me that's sick.

 

There is nothing wrong with the action...it is the consequences that are the real issue.

 

Why be disturbed by what someone else does in their life?

 

I couldn't care less if a woman wants to sleep around because it has nothing to do with me.

[Thegameoflife]

This thread is hilarious. OP, you wonder why your wife lied to you. Well you are judgmental, and had a standard where she couldn't make the cut. She had a lot of incentive to lie, as the alternative would be to get kicked to the curb. At least if she lied, she could have what she wanted, and the consequence was the same as telling the truth. What reason did you give her to tell the truth?

 

I find it very hypocritical that the OP is talking about men not respecting women, or treating them like scum; and then OP says he's not like that, but when he found out about his wife's lies, he now treats her like scum.

 

I feel really bad for your wife man. She spent years of her life being treated like trash by every man she came across to finally meet you, and be loved. The only way she knew you'd stay was to lie, and when you found out, you started to treat her like trash. The only man that she ever fealt loved by, now thinks she's trash.

 

Maybe I don't understand. Was she a terrible wife or something? Were you sitting around wondering why she was a certain way, and now you have your proof?

 

Now I'm going to **** on your study too.

 

The main problem with that study, is that it doesn't account for social stigma towards promiscuity, and the mental health issues that result from that stigma.

 

For example. A woman who has had 50 partners. She could have used protection, and actually been quite responsible about her endeavors. However, she lives in the world occupied by self-righteous moral people. She hears that she is stupid, worthless, trashy, and simply a terrible person. Even though this woman is smart, pretty, and talented, she begins to believe that there really is something wrong with her. This mental anguish attacks her self-esteem, she starts to think everyone is judging her, so her trust in others diminishes. Eventually, her ability to hold down a relationship crumbles. The promiscuity didn't mess her up, it was all the judgmental people that changed the way they treated her, despite her being a wonderful person. Now she's a broken shell.

 

See, the proof that it's more likely that stigma than number of partners, lies in the male data. The data combined with the female data mirrors the double standard that exists within our society. When a man sleeps around, his peers think he's awesome, but a woman is called a whore. The data mimics this stigma perfectly, and the mental affects are obvious. In conclusion, it could be litterally societal stigmas affecting these women, which is leading to failures in relationships.

 

To further my proof, I could point out child studies. It is recommended now that you don't label your child for their actions, but rather discuss decisions, and how they can be improved. People who call their kid "Bad", only shame the kid temporarily. If consistant enough, the kid will soon accept that label, and it becomes them. From now on, they see no reason to make better choices, because they are "Bad", and that's why they make "Bad" choices. They're just being their "Bad" self. There is no difference here than calling a woman a slut, whore, or any other shaming label.

 

If anything, quite litterally the worst people on this planet, responsible for countless destruction of people, causing depression, suicide, and a list of social problems; It's the self-righteous judge. They hide behind morals they created, standards they just made up, laws based on their prejudices, and then they stand back and judge everyone else. One day, someone is going to judge you. I don't think anyone wants to face the penalties to such crimes against humanity.

 

OP, if you actually made it through that, I hope you really think about things. Maybe take a note from Jesus, and forgive your wife, accept her past, understand she isn't defined by it, and love that woman. If anything, for the crap she's been through in life, she really deserves that love.

Edited January 26, 2013 by Thegameoflife

[Thegameoflife]

I'd like to add that you should try to see the truth in your wife's lies. By her lying to you, she did so because she didn't have the words to say the right thing. The right thing, is that she knows her past wasn't desirable to you. She lied because she wanted to be with with a different kind of person, so she could be the person she wants to be. You should respect that she wants to be a better person. You're her salvation, do you really want to deny her this? Ask her if this is the truth.

[sarah.H]

This thread is hilarious. OP, you wonder why your wife lied to you. Well you are judgmental, and had a standard where she couldn't make the cut. She had a lot of incentive to lie, as the alternative would be to get kicked to the curb. At least if she lied, she could have what she wanted, and the consequence was the same as telling the truth. What reason did you give her to tell the truth?

 

I find it very hypocritical that the OP is talking about men not respecting women, or treating them like scum; and then OP says he's not like that, but when he found out about his wife's lies, he now treats her like scum.

 

I feel really bad for your wife man. She spent years of her life being treated like trash by every man she came across to finally meet you, and be loved. The only way she knew you'd stay was to lie, and when you found out, you started to treat her like trash. The only man that she ever fealt loved by, now thinks she's trash.

 

Maybe I don't understand. Was she a terrible wife or something? Were you sitting around wondering why she was a certain way, and now you have your proof?

 

Now I'm going to **** on your study too.

 

The main problem with that study, is that it doesn't account for social stigma towards promiscuity, and the mental health issues that result from that stigma.

 

For example. A woman who has had 50 partners. She could have used protection, and actually been quite responsible about her endeavors. However, she lives in the world occupied by self-righteous moral people. She hears that she is stupid, worthless, trashy, and simply a terrible person. Even though this woman is smart, pretty, and talented, she begins to believe that there really is something wrong with her. This mental anguish attacks her self-esteem, she starts to think everyone is judging her, so her trust in others diminishes. Eventually, her ability to hold down a relationship crumbles. The promiscuity didn't mess her up, it was all the judgmental people that changed the way they treated her, despite her being a wonderful person. Now she's a broken shell.

 

See, the proof that it's more likely that stigma than number of partners, lies in the male data. The data combined with the female data mirrors the double standard that exists within our society. When a man sleeps around, his peers think he's awesome, but a woman is called a whore. The data mimics this stigma perfectly, and the mental affects are obvious. In conclusion, it could be litterally societal stigmas affecting these women, which is leading to failures in relationships.

 

To further my proof, I could point out child studies. It is recommended now that you don't label your child for their actions, but rather discuss decisions, and how they can be improved. People who call their kid "Bad", only shame the kid temporarily. If consistant enough, the kid will soon accept that label, and it becomes them. From now on, they see no reason to make better choices, because they are "Bad", and that's why they make "Bad" choices. They're just being their "Bad" self. There is no difference here than calling a woman a slut, whore, or any other shaming label.

 

If anything, quite litterally the worst people on this planet, responsible for countless destruction of people, causing depression, suicide, and a list of social problems; It's the self-righteous judge. They hide behind morals they created, standards they just made up, laws based on their prejudices, and then they stand back and judge everyone else. One day, someone is going to judge you. I don't think anyone wants to face the penalties to such crimes against humanity.

 

OP, if you actually made it through that, I hope you really think about things. Maybe take a note from Jesus, and forgive your wife, accept her past, understand she isn't defined by it, and love that woman. If anything, for the crap she's been through in life, she really deserves that love.

 

I can't believe anyone attacks the OP he did absolutely nothing ?

I have read his posts and stories and I agree with his views I judge men on there pasts on all levels and if I found out what he did he has every right to leave and be pisses off.

 

and sorry I believe he's right that if you coose to act like a slut people have the right to judge .

 

I never would lie about my past 5 men 5 relationships and I would be disgusted if my husband lied and acted like his wife did.

[sarah.H]

Do you people even read his posts?

He never treated her bad and still does not. Stop talking crap to this poor man he's the victim of a selfish women and PLEASE STOP making excuses and saying she lied becuase "he was judgmental ! So am I I'm judgeing you for judging him.

 

He thinks sluts are nasty so do I and I've dumped men after finding out they slept with tons of women so I guess I'm a judgmental girl so what ! I think those attackers are hypothetical not the op .

[Thegameoflife]

I can't believe anyone attacks the OP he did absolutely nothing ?

I have read his posts and stories and I agree with his views I judge men on there pasts on all levels and if I found out what he did he has every right to leave and be pisses off.

 

and sorry I believe he's right that if you coose to act like a slut people have the right to judge .

 

I never would lie about my past 5 men 5 relationships and I would be disgusted if my husband lied and acted like his wife did.

 

Why shouldn't I completely disregard your entire opinion based on the fact you're barely literate? The inability to write properly, is essentially admitting to being poorly educated. This leads me to the conclusion that your unfounded bias is nothing more than prejudice. Unless you can substantiate this position with anything other just your opinion, you're really just ignorant.

 

PS The fact that you've had five relationships isn't necessarily better than someone being slutty. It could be a sign of an inability to sustain long-term relationships.

[TripperX]

I read the original post...and many of the responses. I agree with much of what Thegameoflife and a few others have stated. The OP does seem overly judgemental, insecure and perhaps immature to a point.

 

LOVE: He fell in love with his wife based on who she is not what she has done in the past. Someone in love can do so unconditionally.

 

Did she lie or just not give every detail of her life before him? And when did full disclosure become a prerequisite for marriage.

 

I don't care about my wifes love life before we got together and she could care less about mine. Why? Because we are two secure and intellegent adults. I know she has had other relationships and lovers and so have I....So what if it's one or twenty? I love her for her...period!

 

The OP doesn't mention her cheating on him or any other deception.

 

 

My advise to this guys wife would be to run from this guy as fast and as far as possible before his insecurities ruin your life.

[sarah.H]

Why shouldn't I completely disregard your entire opinion based on the fact you're barely literate? The inability to write properly, is essentially admitting to being poorly educated. This leads me to the conclusion that your unfounded bias is nothing more than prejudice. Unless you can substantiate this position with anything other just your opinion, you're really just ignorant.

 

PS The fact that you've had five relationships isn't necessarily better than someone being slutty. It could be a sign of an inability to sustain long-term relationships.

 

Barely literate ??really my inability post with intellectual internet conversations on a relationship advise forum leads you to assume I'm poorly educated lol !?

 

No sir on the contrary I'm a very intelligent women with a college degree .I work in human services and work with many diverse men and women.

Just because I letter loose and post freely and don't write as I would in a essay lol does not indicate that I am in any way shape or form prejudice or in your eyes ignorant !

 

I simply agree with the op and his statements and his data he put forth .you my friend are the one that's prejudice obviously by your ridiculous claims that this man is mentally unstable or is the one with the issues lol you yes you seem to be a little to offended by his posts which leads ME to MY conclusion that your the typical man he refers to in his posts.

 

You say that you don't care about a womens past ?really what if she used to sleep with your brother in high school ?what if she was a prostitute ,made Porn ,screwed close friends and you were kept in the dark?.so you don't care about the past well he and many others do!!

That doesn't make him a bad guy or in your mind messed up .I must also add you mentioned in your post earlier that he was not hansom !well letter me say this in a intellectual way so you can understand this man is incredibly hansom I'm not surprised he was a professional model .and your reaction to his post clearly shows the common jealousy for a man with his looks and values for all we know your some zit faced obese man angry at life and all you have is this forum to cling to as some sort of false conference .

 

Darrenk to you I say I appreciate your views and your posts you seem to the point and blunt some can't handle the TRUTH!!

[DarrenK]

Thank you Sarah that was nice to hear

[animalover]

I read the original post...and many of the responses. I agree with much of what Thegameoflife and a few others have stated. The OP does seem overly judgemental, insecure and perhaps immature to a point.

 

LOVE: He fell in love with his wife based on who she is not what she has done in the past. Someone in love can do so unconditionally.

 

Did she lie or just not give every detail of her life before him? And when did full disclosure become a prerequisite for marriage.

 

I don't care about my wifes love life before we got together and she could care less about mine. Why? Because we are two secure and intellegent adults. I know she has had other relationships and lovers and so have I....So what if it's one or twenty? I love her for her...period!

 

The OP doesn't mention her cheating on him or any other deception.

 

 

My advise to this guys wife would be to run from this guy as fast and as far as possible before his insecurities ruin your life.

 

I am sorry but love is totally conditional ... if what you love in a person is a lie... is clear you don't love that person... you love the lie!

[Thegameoflife]

Barely literate ??really my inability post with intellectual internet conversations on a relationship advise forum leads you to assume I'm poorly educated lol !?

 

No sir on the contrary I'm a very intelligent women with a college degree .I work in human services and work with many diverse men and women.

Just because I letter loose and post freely and don't write as I would in a essay lol does not indicate that I am in any way shape or form prejudice or in your eyes ignorant !

 

I simply agree with the op and his statements and his data he put forth .you my friend are the one that's prejudice obviously by your ridiculous claims that this man is mentally unstable or is the one with the issues lol you yes you seem to be a little to offended by his posts which leads ME to MY conclusion that your the typical man he refers to in his posts.

 

You say that you don't care about a womens past ?really what if she used to sleep with your brother in high school ?what if she was a prostitute ,made Porn ,screwed close friends and you were kept in the dark?.so you don't care about the past well he and many others do!!

That doesn't make him a bad guy or in your mind messed up .I must also add you mentioned in your post earlier that he was not hansom !well letter me say this in a intellectual way so you can understand this man is incredibly hansom I'm not surprised he was a professional model .and your reaction to his post clearly shows the common jealousy for a man with his looks and values for all we know your some zit faced obese man angry at life and all you have is this forum to cling to as some sort of false conference .

 

Darrenk to you I say I appreciate your views and your posts you seem to the point and blunt some can't handle the TRUTH!!

 

I'm actually not a typical man. I've had the same number of partners as you. I'm also very good looking, genius intelligence, I'm not fat, and have beautiful clean skin. I'm not defending anyone because I'm like them, but rather I'm fighting prejudice and misinformation. You only think that because you are like DarrenK, and jumped on this board to defend him.

 

I'm not attacking him, but rather his learned knowledge. My reason to do this, is to break down a barrier that is preventing him from reconciling. I know that he really loves his wife and kids, because it's the reason why he's so pissed. Men who don't care, would just walk away from it. You on the other hand are fueling the fire. What good will come from reinforcing his anger? I don't disagree that she messed up by lying about her past. My protest was against the prejudice towards promiscuity. His only two options are to forgive, to keep his family together; or get a divorce.

 

From what I gather, he was happy with his wife before finding out about her past. Her past wasn't affecting his marriage. They didn't build their marriage on a lie, but rather the marriage was spared by lies.

 

DarrenK. Quit dwelling dude, and assess the situation. If you were happy before you knew, you love your wife, and don't want to divorce; Here is what you do.

Tell her how you feel about her lying. Put the promiscuity to the side, and express that your not pleased about the lying. Work out a solution that is acceptable to you about her Facebook account. Calmly work out solutions.

 

You have a hell of a lot to lose if don't work things out. It sounds like your the only decent guy she's been with. If you reject her now, a lot of people are going to get screwed by it. Since she had a shady past, and she'll probably feel she doesn't deserve anyone, and that past could resurface. Could put your children in bad situations. Something to consider.

[DarrenK]

I'm actually not a typical man. I've had the same number of partners as you. I'm also very good looking, genius intelligence, I'm not fat, and have beautiful clean skin. I'm not defending anyone because I'm like them, but rather I'm fighting prejudice and misinformation. You only think that because you are like DarrenK, and jumped on this board to defend him.

 

I'm not attacking him, but rather his learned knowledge. My reason to do this, is to break down a barrier that is preventing him from reconciling. I know that he really loves his wife and kids, because it's the reason why he's so pissed. Men who don't care, would just walk away from it. You on the other hand are fueling the fire. What good will come from reinforcing his anger? I don't disagree that she messed up by lying about her past. My protest was against the prejudice towards promiscuity. His only two options are to forgive, to keep his family together; or get a divorce.

 

From what I gather, he was happy with his wife before finding out about her past. Her past wasn't affecting his marriage. They didn't build their marriage on a lie, but rather the marriage was spared by lies.

 

DarrenK. Quit dwelling dude, and assess the situation. If you were happy before you knew, you love your wife, and don't want to divorce; Here is what you do.

Tell her how you feel about her lying. Put the promiscuity to the side, and express that your not pleased about the lying. Work out a solution that is acceptable to you about her Facebook account. Calmly work out solutions.

 

You have a hell of a lot to lose if don't work things out. It sounds like your the only decent guy she's been with. If you reject her now, a lot of people are going to get screwed by it. Since she had a shady past, and she'll probably feel she doesn't deserve anyone, and that past could resurface. Could put your children in bad situations. Something to consider.

 

Hey I just wanted to respond to your post .first some things you say I agree with in regards towards all promiscuity I agree not all are bad people not all are messed up ,I'm sorry if it comes across as me being a dick but I do personally feel strongly about this subject and I can't just letter it slide to me and again I'm saying ME not everyone but me I always viewed a womens values sexual decisions and how she respects herself as #1 on my list I like you am 6'3 tan great shape great skin very hansom and not a genius lol but I'm a intelligent guy .

 

Now I'm not bragging or being cocky I'm stating this because I obviously had TONS of chances to get laid threw my life but I was always different then a lot of guys I knew I was not interested in girls that slept around it was a huge turn off .

 

Even when I was doing professional modeling I was around incredibly gorgeous women but if they were doing meth or sleeping with a new dude every week/month it was a deal breaker .I was always attracted to the classy girl that wanted to date go to movies ,dinner,then after true feeling developed then sleep together .

I was and still am a romantic guy ...now before you say I'm some weak minded guy I'm not I was a boxer for 4 years and have had many health issues ,family deaths and this pain is far FAR worse then any punch ,or surgery ,or death I've had to deal with

When you say my life was NOT built on lies ?yes sir it was she deliberately manipulated the situation ..I tried so hard for years to find a women like me similar values similar interests I sat back and listened to her bluntly tells lies about everything to convince me she was similar .

 

I married her based on those things those special connections ,not looks not money ,not superficial things,and to be honest I did see some red flags certain behaviors ,certain friends that we complete scum drugies ,but I was nieve I guess ?stupid me ?

 

I gave my all I raised her two kids as my own I worked i was loving and attentive to her and kids needs ..it seemed great until after we got married I saw a angry ,verbally abusive women,cold ,un affectionate women ?we rarely had sex ,when i was sick or had multiple surgeries from health issues she was not loving ,she liturgy said I'm not your ****ing nurse call your mom ,and speaking of mom my mother got breast cancer a week after I had larengal surgery .I was a emotional wreck and guess where my wife goes ??out of state leaves two kids home for me to watch and I can barely walk ,talk,swallow ,breath from swelling ,and in huge amount of pain ,she ignores my phone calls all weekend and when she comes home sees nothing wrong with it?

 

Then I find out about tons of horrible lies she told me ?things so bad I actually was sick inside ..because if I had known she was so different so careless and let me say if your a mom and exposing your children or yourslef to gang members ,drug dealers and sleeping around getting stds multiple time!that's not your average baggage.

 

Those stds affect my sex life to this day !she has scaring inside and it hurts for deep penatration ..I found out one guy she had a one night stand with was a serial rapeist and CNN did a story on him !?crazy stuff

 

She had absolutely no right to knowingly withhold that info and lie about everything !!

So yes I absolutely hung on only because I believed in our bond and love would get me threw it

 

So I did not fall in love with her yeah the physical but everything I loved most and held close our sexual experiences ,our trust,honesty ,our devotion ,was all li:(

 

So in your opinion I'm weak?or mentally need to get over this?why to tel myself and my kids its ok to be treated so horrible and to lie to get what you want ?what example is that ?

 

I'm wrong because I want to feel a special connection with a women with trust and honesty ?

 

I love her still not sure how or why?but I still do ..but now i can't drive by a bar or here a song ,or watch certain movies because it triggers these thoughts of her doing all these disgusting things with disgusting men .and the worst thing is there not in my head they really Happend !

So if I can't respect the lies the behavior I'm supposed to just live miserable and sad ?

Am I really to blame?

All i ask from those that read this is tell the truth and don't lie

 

With love and respect to you all darren

[KungFuJoe]

Not sure why op is getting attacked.

 

It's not so much what his wife did but the fact that she lied.

 

Lied.

 

Lied.

 

I'll say it one more time so you understand.

 

Lied.

 

I'd be pissed, too...in fact I was in a similar situation with my first gf.

 

You just feel like, damn, if she could lie about something so trivial, what else can she lie about? In my case, the answer turned out to be a LOT!

[Thegameoflife]

Hey I just wanted to respond to your post .first some things you say I agree with in regards towards all promiscuity I agree not all are bad people not all are messed up ,I'm sorry if it comes across as me being a dick but I do personally feel strongly about this subject and I can't just letter it slide to me and again I'm saying ME not everyone but me I always viewed a womens values sexual decisions and how she respects herself as #1 on my list I like you am 6'3 tan great shape great skin very hansom and not a genius lol but I'm a intelligent guy .

 

Now I'm not bragging or being cocky I'm stating this because I obviously had TONS of chances to get laid threw my life but I was always different then a lot of guys I knew I was not interested in girls that slept around it was a huge turn off .

 

Even when I was doing professional modeling I was around incredibly gorgeous women but if they were doing meth or sleeping with a new dude every week/month it was a deal breaker .I was always attracted to the classy girl that wanted to date go to movies ,dinner,then after true feeling developed then sleep together .

I was and still am a romantic guy ...now before you say I'm some weak minded guy I'm not I was a boxer for 4 years and have had many health issues ,family deaths and this pain is far FAR worse then any punch ,or surgery ,or death I've had to deal with

When you say my life was NOT built on lies ?yes sir it was she deliberately manipulated the situation ..I tried so hard for years to find a women like me similar values similar interests I sat back and listened to her bluntly tells lies about everything to convince me she was similar .

 

I married her based on those things those special connections ,not looks not money ,not superficial things,and to be honest I did see some red flags certain behaviors ,certain friends that we complete scum drugies ,but I was nieve I guess ?stupid me ?

 

I gave my all I raised her two kids as my own I worked i was loving and attentive to her and kids needs ..it seemed great until after we got married I saw a angry ,verbally abusive women,cold ,un affectionate women ?we rarely had sex ,when i was sick or had multiple surgeries from health issues she was not loving ,she liturgy said I'm not your ****ing nurse call your mom ,and speaking of mom my mother got breast cancer a week after I had larengal surgery .I was a emotional wreck and guess where my wife goes ??out of state leaves two kids home for me to watch and I can barely walk ,talk,swallow ,breath from swelling ,and in huge amount of pain ,she ignores my phone calls all weekend and when she comes home sees nothing wrong with it?

 

Then I find out about tons of horrible lies she told me ?things so bad I actually was sick inside ..because if I had known she was so different so careless and let me say if your a mom and exposing your children or yourslef to gang members ,drug dealers and sleeping around getting stds multiple time!that's not your average baggage.

 

Those stds affect my sex life to this day !she has scaring inside and it hurts for deep penatration ..I found out one guy she had a one night stand with was a serial rapeist and CNN did a story on him !?crazy stuff

 

She had absolutely no right to knowingly withhold that info and lie about everything !!

So yes I absolutely hung on only because I believed in our bond and love would get me threw it

 

So I did not fall in love with her yeah the physical but everything I loved most and held close our sexual experiences ,our trust,honesty ,our devotion ,was all li:(

 

So in your opinion I'm weak?or mentally need to get over this?why to tel myself and my kids its ok to be treated so horrible and to lie to get what you want ?what example is that ?

 

I'm wrong because I want to feel a special connection with a women with trust and honesty ?

 

I love her still not sure how or why?but I still do ..but now i can't drive by a bar or here a song ,or watch certain movies because it triggers these thoughts of her doing all these disgusting things with disgusting men .and the worst thing is there not in my head they really Happend !

So if I can't respect the lies the behavior I'm supposed to just live miserable and sad ?

Am I really to blame?

All i ask from those that read this is tell the truth and don't lie

 

With love and respect to you all darren

 

I'm not blaming you at all. I also did't call you mental, but that your mental health is being affected, and that you should seek counseling. This is a bad situation that is affecting you. No shame in getting help to deal with things.

 

After reading the information provided in your last post, I think I see what's happening. I don't know what you know about sociopathy, but your wife is the textbook definition. With sociopaths, everything about them is lies. They lack empathy and a conscience. They will lie, cheat, and do whatever necessary to get what they want. They usually have traits such as charm and wit, which allows them to befriend and manipulate almost anyone. They tend to be attracted to risky, or short-term reward activities such as drug use, sex, and criminal behaviors. You should look into it yourself and decide if there is some truth to this.

 

If this is the case, you should immediately seek council for divorce. Keep her completely in the dark. Find somewhere to live, and move out immediately after papers are handed to her. Sociopathy is not treatable. Afterwards, I wouldn't talk to her without a witness. People like this are dangerous, and will lie through their teeth to discredit you, and ruin your reputation. She lied about everything to get you, and she'll do the same in retribution. Just think, 6'3" ex-boxer. How hard do you think it would be for her to make people think you were abusive. She could also go the route of convincing people your a pedophile too. The only chance you have is to beat her to the punch. Marriage counseling will only give her the heads up that it's time for her to move on. If she makes the first move, she will ru you trough the mud to make her appear as the victim.

 

I had a friend in high school that was a sociopath. He would guilt trip people into giving him money, which he used for weed. After high school, 2 friends and I rented a house. Then mike wanted to move in. I protested, but got outvoted. He was a bum. He couldn't keep a job, and constantly borrowed money from everyone but me. One day I made a comment to a friend that he shouldn't lend him money. He turned everyone in the house against me. We were involved in some illegal dealings, and he threatened to rat me out to the police. To save my ass, I shut everything down and left immediately. None of my friends that I knew for years would even talk to me, all because of how this ******* lied to them. It worked out for me in the end.

 

Good luck man.

[rober1122]

In my case. My GF has been divorced a bit over a year. I feel we are in love but I am just finding out bits and pieces about her actions during her single time, which I feel I have been mislead by her. Now I am finding out she had potentially 5-6 partners over that period, one of which was much younger than her and a few which I dont think she knew too well. I also feel like she mislead me. How do I handle this? I feel I love her.

[Realist3]

I really don't understand all of this focus on the past. Nobody can change it. Unless they are continuing to see a person from the past what difference does it make in your relationship? Nothing. You either love the person or you don't. If you are a person that dwells on the past then perhaps your best option is to move on to the next person who has no history.

[DarrenK]

What about:

 

1. Past criminal history.

 

2. Past financial history such as foreclosures or bankruptcies (which might affect your financial future if you get married to them).

 

3. What if your partner had prior relationships which ended due to their being abusive or cheating? That wouldn't matter to you? You wouldn't want to know about those kinds of things before making the decision to get really serious with them?

 

4. What about past work history? What if your partner couldn't keep a job?

 

Yes the past matters except to those who have a reason to want to hide their pasts.

 

Exactly !! Why would it not matter look its very simple I married a woman that I would have NEVER married because she lied about everything important to "ME" she admits she wanted me and knew she would lose me so she lied ,lied and lied some more she had a extremely disturbing past and I am now left looking in the mirror and thinking what the hell do I do ....it is not as easy as people say to just get over it" or letter it go ?

 

I can't change who I am and I've been this way forever ,I've always been attracted to the classy girl not the trashy party girl giving it up to every new guy .

 

That does not make me a jerk ,or weird guy ?I never said virgin I said classy like LTR,and serious boyfriends I'm fine with but three ways and ONS,?no way !

 

Most men would sleep with a porn star but never marry one ...me I wouldn't touch a Porn star !yuck

[DarrenK]

I really don't understand all of this focus on the past. Nobody can change it. Unless they are continuing to see a person from the past what difference does it make in your relationship? Nothing. You either love the person or you don't. If you are a person that dwells on the past then perhaps your best option is to move on to the next person who has no history.

 

Seriously your basically saying then if someone cares about the past then there messed up ?and I love when people like you say the classic "you should find a virgin "or who cares if the number is 1 or 100 ?lol I care that's who and if we as in many people with standards do care that does not say we want a virgin! Just someone we can feel a connection with someone you can respect .I personally would never have dated a virgin or a promiscous girl.

I love how your profile name is realist ha ha seriously you are no realist I am I don't or never did expect a virgin or women that's never had a relationship ...i was very realistic in looking for a classy women that wanted love not just sex but a lasting relationship now if those relationships didn't work out that's life unfortunately but that's totally different then the girl going to the bar getting wasted and screwing a new guy every week or two !

So if that makes me crazy then so be it but I know where I stand and as long as your not a hypocrite then you can look for what you want .

 

And I truly believe if your in my situation and find out later that your wife lied about everything that you found special or important to you then its totally natural to be upset or question a future together .

[Nyla]

DarrenK, what are you going to do about this?

[LoveMyWifey]

People need to be comforatable with who they are in regards to their sexuality and not feel shame for it. Be open on honest and if people like yourself come along then so be it. We as a race need to mature and learn to love eachother for for who we really are. Not what for the lack of acting on what is natural to us all by a society which controls women via guilt and shame.

 

It is a mechanism of control created by men out of fear of promiscuity. If it is in a mans "nature" to spread his seed then why can't it be in a womans to collect it? If genetic diversity is the key to the survival of a species then doesn't this make sense?