If sleeping around and being promiscuous is not not wrong then why lie about it ?

[DarrenK]

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I am not sure how old you are, but you need to mature a little bit. You apparently have a traditional male gender bias to women that have many partners, we all do as this is what we have been conditioned for. What difference does it make, you either accept him or her for who they are or go find yourself a virgin wife and dont be an a$$ about it.

 

I NEVER SAID VIRGIN !!I said classy I'm a classy guy that chose to live a certain way so I wanted that aswell .its hurts being lied to and it does matter to me

[Thegameoflife]

You need to be kidding me with this post...

 

Your post is plain judgmental... point... you judge prideful people and condemn them in the same post ...

 

When you say people are corrupt is that not judgmental? Subjective truth is most of the truths...else it would not be any discussions and even this board would not make any sense...

Objective truth exists but they are very limited ...

 

There's nothing wrong with pride. I'm not a religious person who thinks pride is a sin and humility is a virtue. Displaying pride or humility means nothing. I wasn't judging anyone, but just observing something I thought was funny about the behavior of people. It's funny, cause I see it happen all the time, and it's pointless. I can't be responsible for conclusions you draw. I understand why you see it that way though.

 

Subjective truth isn't actually the truth. It's the belief that something is true. A subjective truth is always partly to fully fabricated or adopted by the mind. It's like a movie or book based on a true story. For example, let's look at the movie "Argo". The movie is about how the CIA and US government came up with this fantastic plan to extract several agents. The truth is that Canadians actually masterminded 90% of the plan. Now if people watch it and think the movie is true, they've adopted a fabricated truth. It's not the truth though. Now, another way to see it is that the Filmakers fabricated this movie, and if people adopt it as the truth, they've corrupted these people. This is how you use propaganda to corrupt people, to make them see the world how you want, so they'll react as you want.

 

People have all been corrupted by concepts and beliefs, including myself. I'm not judging everyone from some highground, we've all been duped and corrupted.

[DarrenK]

In my experience, the men who have problems with the number of sexual affairs a woman has had in her past are those who feel insecure in the bedroom. If you are able to satisfy a woman it shouldn't really matter. Women are not like a piece of soap which the more you use it the less you have.....

 

Lol wrong !lol nice try I'm above average down stairs and I definitely get nothing but praise from my wife about our sexlife even hand written letters to me talking specificly about sex so try again ...its called morals something alot of men don't understand ,class,respect for my body and wanting sex to be special not a notch on the belt .

[DarrenK]

wow.. interesting thread.. I once dated a guy who lied to me about how many times he had been married (I asked him specifically if his most recent ex had been his only marriage and he said yes.. turns out he had actually been married 4 times). His reasoning was that his past does not matter. It really does matter to me! I get what OP is saying.. The point is, when you are getting to know someone, the only information you have about them is what they tell you. If they are not truthful you would be making decisions about whether or not you want to go down this relationship path based on lies. So unfair.

 

One thing I'd like to know though... What is considered promiscuous?? - like, there's got to be a cutoff number, right? and the number would probably increase with the persons age.. so would you allot someone 1 a year? thoughts??

 

Thanks for your post and I will try to explain first I am not super religious and wanting a virin I never expected that lol but my definition of promiscous is lots of ons,fwb,3 way,

Stuff that's just sex no meaning no intent for commitment .

errs what's I consider normal or average

I consider at age 18. 3-4 partners ,age 21 4-5. Age 25 5-8. Age 30 7-10

 

Those in my opinion account for serious relationships in my opinion if someone is looking for love and a special bond it won't happen by sleeping around at bars lol

And for me more then 10 bugs me more then 15 is a huge red flags and over 20 just plain nasty in my opinion? So for me let's say two girls both 7 partners but one had all ONS ,'S them that would be a deal breaker

[Thegameoflife]

Thanks for your post and I will try to explain first I am not super religious and wanting a virin I never expected that lol but my definition of promiscous is lots of ons,fwb,3 way,

Stuff that's just sex no meaning no intent for commitment .

errs what's I consider normal or average

I consider at age 18. 3-4 partners ,age 21 4-5. Age 25 5-8. Age 30 7-10

 

Those in my opinion account for serious relationships in my opinion if someone is looking for love and a special bond it won't happen by sleeping around at bars lol

And for me more then 10 bugs me more then 15 is a huge red flags and over 20 just plain nasty in my opinion? So for me let's say two girls both 7 partners but one had all ONS ,'S them that would be a deal breaker

 

It would be a red flag for me that someone who believes they should only have sex with someone they love, has had 7-10 partners at 30. To fall in love and then have it fail that many times, would have a serious psychological impact. I would also think they are the type of person to jump into relationships without thinking it out to well, or exploring whether the person they are with is truly right for them. People who do this usually also have trust issues, and become highly critical of partners to avoid addressing personal problems in dealing with relationships. Do to past failures, people with these problems keep things to themselves, and avoid sharing their feelings with their partner, due to a fear of another relationship ending. They also tend to cling to partners even when it's a bad situation and they know they should leave, because they don't want to have another failed relationship or marriage.

[kaygato]

I just want to chime in and say as a woman I think this double standard is ridiculous. You don't seem to follow this double standard Darren, but can all of the men who posted here agreeing with him also say that they too are "good boys" and have a sexual past that's clean and only within committed relationships?

 

Not to pick on you Nyla because I feel most of your points are spot on, but you were saying something about how you hope women who are promiscuous will be introspective and look inside themselves to figure out why they do this. But you mentioned your husband had been promiscuous before being with you, and you didn't mention anything about him suffering consequences to his soul and needing to basically feel bad about the past...which is what I felt you were saying about women who were promiscuous. Correct if I'm wrong as that may have not been your intention.

 

I don't have a promisucous past, but I will always come to the defense of women who people "slut shame" because I don't see anything inherently wrong about promiscuity. The word itself has a bad connotation when it basically just describes people who like sex and are not in the majority of behavior that society considers normal. Sure, people can be unwise about promiscuity, but that's not just a women thing guys can get hurt too. There are some women who can handle it though.

 

I'll just never understand people being ok with a guy being like this but with a women there's something wrong with her...

[KungFuJoe]

Darren...what are you going to do? Divorce your wife and then have any future prospective partner take a lie detector test as you grill her about her past?

 

Take it from someone who knows...you gotta get over this...somehow...or it's going to eat you alive.

[sweetkiwi]

I have read tons of threads with people from all walks of life and it seems obvious the people that say past is past or any of that have promiscuous pasts themselves and don't want to have to live with there poor choices .now I'm not saying they don't deserve love but I am saying most good respectful guys do not want to marry a women with a history of casual sex or high numbers .i also knew that most phychologists don't view them well ether so here's my point I truly believe as a culture are messed up because unfortunately you can't have both words !unless you merry guy/girl with the same lose morals .im a firm believer that whatever lifestyle you choose be HONEST about it don't live like a party girl bed hoping and then lie or trick mislead a guy to settle with you !!you don't deserve a guy like that !!sounds judgmental but it's true it's one thing if your honest and he chooses to date you but it's another to lie and pretend your like the good girls

 

Oh. I wasn't aware you couldn't be both a good person AND sexually explorative....

 

How does being judgmental fit into morality....???

 

Anyway now I do whatever the Hell I want sexually. Without giving a Damn what people think. AND I have a great man who knows all the crazy kinky **** Ive done and thinks it's awesome. He's had a fraction of the partners I've had. He's extremely intelligent, kind, generous, funny, AND kinky.

[DarrenK]

I just want to chime in and say as a woman I think this double standard is ridiculous. You don't seem to follow this double standard Darren, but can all of the men who posted here agreeing with him also say that they too are "good boys" and have a sexual past that's clean and only within committed relationships?

 

Not to pick on you Nyla because I feel most of your points are spot on, but you were saying something about how you hope women who are promiscuous will be introspective and look inside themselves to figure out why they do this. But you mentioned your husband had been promiscuous before being with you, and you didn't mention anything about him suffering consequences to his soul and needing to basically feel bad about the past...which is what I felt you were saying about women who were promiscuous. Correct if I'm wrong as that may have not been your intention.

 

I don't have a promisucous past, but I will always come to the defense of women who people "slut shame" because I don't see anything inherently wrong about promiscuity. The word itself has a bad connotation when it basically just describes people who like sex and are not in the majority of behavior that society considers normal. Sure, people can be unwise about promiscuity, but that's not just a women thing guys can get hurt too. There are some women who can handle it though.

 

I'll just never understand people being ok with a guy being like this but with a women there's something wrong with her...

 

 

I hate the double standard too! I think men that use women as objects purely for pleasure ora notch on his belt is not healthy ether .

 

I know women I work with and are friends with even my counselor agrees that a man that sleeps around with tons of partners is a huge turn off and a deal breaker .

I think its clear there's different people out there with much different morals /values .

I can totally be friends with promiscous people man or women but date someone that views sex as something to do with random people for me would never work .

My main point of this thread is to encourage everyone to share there sexual past if your getting serious so we can all find what we are looking for

 

Seriously some don't care about sexual pasts numbers ext so do obviously look at me lol

But hideing it or lieing to get something you want is wrong .

Imp if everyone was honest then women and men that sleep around can find eachother and have as much fun as possible guilt free no strings live it up if that makes them happy and those looking for love committed relationships and view sex in a different light can date eachother !!boom there the key the true solution BE HONEST .it is a persons business if there going to commit to you .

[DarrenK]

Well to those saying negative things to me cool talk your sh*t I know who I am in my life I know a majority of people feel just as I do studies show the views on this subject .

 

And to the women talking about being kinky and loving sex great I'm kinky as hell too and very sexual love sex who doesn't but!! I don't just go to a bar and say she's hot yeah ill bend her over ..maybe I'm a guy that's not into just getting pleasure without substance ?maybe I actually enjoy the amazing connection of an exclusive relationship ?

 

If those out there are sleeping around cool do it!just don't Fuc*ing lie about it don't front and expect to not get judgment that's the way the world is always will be .

 

I know guys that watch Porn and think the women are gorgeous but they absolutely NEVER marry one! And women do you really want your daughters having sex in orgies and two men at once ?giving head to random men?NO you want them to value there bodies and yeahsex is natural I'm not saying its not but I have two daughters that I'm going to raise to love themselves and respect there bodies .will they have sex ?yes is that ok yes but I hope they do so out of love romance and relationship not being used as a sex object .

 

Fathers mothers agree?or disagree? ...

 

We all are someones kid we all developed different values in life both by environment and lifes lessons . Now I'm not the judge of right or wrong but i am for me !and we all should have a choice .and I do believe there's a obvious mentality difference between a lot of us

[KungFuJoe]

The problem with this is that you're never going to know what a person's sexual past is unless you interrogate them. And the problem with this is by the time you're comfortable enough with someone to discuss their sexual past, you've probably developed enough feelings for them to where you probably don't want to know the answer.

 

Honestly, if you know you're the type of person who would be sensitive to a person's past, you're best off taking a "don't ask, don't tell" attitude.

 

Darren,

 

Your problem is bigger than this, of course. You're already between a rock and a hard place and you need to figure out what to do otherwise, you're going to be a raving lunatic down the line. Trust me...retroactive jealousy does NOT get better with time alone. It takes a lot of introspection, perhaps therapy, and even then, there is no guarantee that you'll ever get over it. I've read accounts of married husbands, 40 years LATER, who are still with the same woman and STILL obsessing about her sexual past every single day. From the way you've been carrying yourself in this thread and many other threads regarding sexual pasts, I can see you having the some problem.

 

So you need to figure out what to do...if you can't handle her sexual past or her lies...you need to get out...and get out NOW. And I'm not judging you...as someone who also suffered from retroactive jealousy (and still has to deal with it in some way to this day), I honestly can't say if I would have stuck around either.

[DarrenK]

The problem with this is that you're never going to know what a person's sexual past is unless you interrogate them. And the problem with this is by the time you're comfortable enough with someone to discuss their sexual past, you've probably developed enough feelings for them to where you probably don't want to know the answer.

 

Honestly, if you know you're the type of person who would be sensitive to a person's past, you're best off taking a "don't ask, don't tell" attitude.

 

Darren,

 

Your problem is bigger than this, of course. You're already between a rock and a hard place and you need to figure out what to do otherwise, you're going to be a raving lunatic down the line. Trust me...retroactive jealousy does NOT get better with time alone. It takes a lot of introspection, perhaps therapy, and even then, there is no guarantee that you'll ever get over it. I've read accounts of married husbands, 40 years LATER, who are still with the same woman and STILL obsessing about her sexual past every single day. From the way you've been carrying yourself in this thread and many other threads regarding sexual pasts, I can see you having the some problem.

 

So you need to figure out what to do...if you can't handle her sexual past or her lies...you need to get out...and get out NOW. And I'm not judging you...as someone who also suffered from retroactive jealousy (and still has to deal with it in some way to this day), I honestly can't say if I would have stuck around either.

 

Retroactive jealousy is not REAL !its called sexual mis matching lol I never ever have been a jealous guy never ..and what I feel is not jealousy its disgust and an overall betrayal of trust .

Loss of that special bond .maybe some are extremely jealous not me .I'm in touch with my core emotions

[DarrenK]

Retroactive jealousy is not REAL !its called sexual mis matching lol I never ever have been a jealous guy never ..and what I feel is not jealousy its disgust and an overall betrayal of trust .

Loss of that special bond .maybe some are extremely jealous not me .I'm in touch with my core emotions

 

But I have to say your absolutely right about this pain its real and very intense my personal views are to be open honest not interigate someone but openness so if someone has dealreakers they can avoid getting in between a rock and a hard place .

[KungFuJoe]

But I have to say your absolutely right about this pain its real and very intense my personal views are to be open honest not interigate someone but openness so if someone has dealreakers they can avoid getting in between a rock and a hard place .

 

You may not agree with what it's called (retroactive jealousy) but there is no denying the effect it has on your mind. It rocks you and brings you to your knees.

 

My question still stands...what are you going to do about it?

[diipii]

Promiscuity is fun unless you are in an exclusive relationship.

If you lie then something is wrong.

The argument is never about the argument.