new...upset about crush/what his mother said about me...

[thanksforthat]

Hi all,

 

I've scoured the internet to try help me with a crush i've had an issue with for some time. It seems to work for a while but then I find my mind wandering again, thinking what has happened/what could happen/ fantasys etc.

 

I wanted to sign up and just tell the entire thing from beginning to how it is now...but am also really dubious about writing all this personal information on here as its quite specific and anyone who even lives in the area will realise straight away who/whats going on :\

 

keeping it brief.... i'm upset, we had a one night stand ages ago, ive been fine with not wanting anything else (especially when he was with somone else) but now he's single, feelings started to show up again. I'm very good friends with his brother, who recently told me when we were drunk (after id spilled the beans on how i was feeling, couldnt keep it in my head anymore..thought it may reduce what i was feeling) that basically his mother thinks im OK..but thats it..and i am not good enough for her son. apparently i drink a lot (as does he.. in fact hes verging on alcoholic.. yeah i know... why like him right?!) and ill make him worse.

 

it feels like theyve all been having a good ****ing gossip about me as his brother knew things i didnt mention (like we walked home holding hands few days before)..

 

I decided im not going to go see them for a while, and concentrate on myself for a few months.. but its just really hard when i cant shut this out of my mind.. my chest hurts and i start feeling jelous even though i know nothing will ever happen between us. :\

 

Im 29 by the way.. there's so much more to this but i am just so uncomfortable typing at the minit...

 

any advice or thoughts much appreciated.. I really need to get this off my chest...

 

thanks

Edited January 8, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Keenly]

How can I explain this... this is normal.

 

No mother will ever think any girl out there is good enough for her son. It's sort of a jealousy thing. It's their little boy you know?

[NoMagicBullet]

How can I explain this... this is normal.

 

No mother will ever think any girl out there is good enough for her son. It's sort of a jealousy thing. It's their little boy you know?

 

This is so true. I've witnessed it firsthand with a very loving girl and her guy. Nothing she does is quite good enough, and as much as she's tried to reach out to the mother, she gets ignored or brushed off. So it may just be this woman needing to find some reason why you aren't good enough. Trust me, these mothers will seize on any flaw as a reason.

 

On the other hand, if you do drink a lot, you may want to consider taking a hard look at your drinking habits and making changes if need be. Apart from the judgement of a critical mother, there might be other people who see that and would not think highly of that behaviour in an employee, coworker, friend, etc, or might even be concerned about it.

[thanksforthat]

yeah i understand..i'd never thought that she may just be looking for fault with me. Since my friend told me this I've been really uncomfortable around her..and feel like shes being really off with me..making me feel really small.

 

I'm not even sure if what i've been told has actually come from her or if its my friend putting words in her mouth.

 

I would be fine with him not liking me in that way...eventually id get over it.. but this has added a whole new layer to it, if that makes sense. ive never been told im not good enough for somone before.

 

 

 

and thanks for being honest about my drinking... I have actually used these comments as a kick up the arse and got it in check.. (even went to a friends birthday tonight and stayed on pop all night) so im feeling much more positive about everything. - I drank a lot the past year or so, my life was in a mess after a breakup, i had no job or permanent place to live...so that mixed with my friend running a pub... made it difficult to say no to the drink..

 

Is it bad that I have a desire to prove to her that i dont drink to much? :| I want to just go in with a new fella (who i know i can get, theres a couple that like me but im very fussy and scared to get with somone who i see no future with) and be like '**** YOU! too good for your son my arse!" - obviously i wont do this.. but im so riled up about it.

[NoMagicBullet]

Is it bad that I have a desire to prove to her that i dont drink to much? :| I want to just go in with a new fella (who i know i can get, theres a couple that like me but im very fussy and scared to get with somone who i see no future with) and be like '**** YOU! too good for your son my arse!" - obviously i wont do this.. but im so riled up about it.

 

I'm pretty sure I'd feel the same way! I think it's normal to feel that way, since you have the feeling that she's put you down somehow, although you're right, you don't know what she may have really said. Obviously, though, doing it won't do you any good. If she's determined to think poorly of you -- and some people are like that -- she will always find a reason.

 

Whatever you do at this point, do for you because it makes your life better. That includes dating this guy if both of you are interested... however, you already know what your potential mother-in-law would be like, so consider that she comes with the package. And there is his own drinking problem, so proceed with caution and eyes wide open.