Will this Bunny Boiler ever go away!!

[Alicat09]

Hello:

 

My husbands OW, will not leave me alone. She is tormenting me. You would think after getting caught she would have the deciency to back off!!

 

I'm new & have been doing alot of reading on here, I know my story is not unique & didn't want to post but I really have no one else to talk to anymore.

 

I will try & make it brief.

 

It's been 2years since D day. I don't know how I've survived this long, I can only describe my emotional state as beaten & spent. I am losing this battle. I am still a complete mess, with no chance of healing because she just wont go away.

 

I had to delete my FB acct & block her from all emails. However she just makes up a new email address & sends them from the new one. She insists on sending all the details of their love affair, all the broken promises he has made to her.

 

She goes out of her way to try & ruin every special occasion. Everytime I start to feel better about myself she pops up again. I have recently reported her to the police for the 2nd time & haven't heard anything from her in a few weeks.

 

My H has NOT been supportive of this because he is NOT remorseful at all. He is still just trying to hide all his BS lies. I know it is up to him to end it with her cut her off, but he just hides everything & pretends there is nothing going on.

 

He just keeps telling me that she is unstable & a very angry person because his decison was to stay with me. All her emails to me say that he promised her he was going to leave etc. We have been together for more than 25 years, we are not going to break up.

 

I could heal & forgive if she would just go away, but that isn't happening. I am still sooo incredibly anry. I hate him so much & yet I still love him & am not ready to give up.

 

I just don't know what to do anymore.

[ladyinthemts]

My H has NOT been supportive of this because he is NOT remorseful at all. He is still just trying to hide all his BS lies. I know it is up to him to end it with her cut her off, but he just hides everything & pretends there is nothing going on.

 

So, knowing this...why have you stayed with him? I was lucky, my H cut off the OW completely and hasn't contacted her since (minus once in front of me when she crashed a party).

 

That was my boundary. You have to set boundary. Love yourself.

[Alicat09]

I keep hoping he will do the right thing. Disclose everything...do all the things he is supposed to, to help me regain his trust, all those things.

 

But he wont. So I'm supposed to suck it all up, pretend everything is peachy & carry on like everything is normal.

 

I don't love myself not even close. I want him to love me enuff to be honest but he's not. I want my marriage & my life back.

 

& As long as she is still haunting me I can't feel better about anything.

 

I want my Husband back...this is not him.

[whichwayisup]

Your husband is a total di.ck and it's time you divorce him!!! He isn't remorseful and he's still having the A. Why hang onto him? That piece of crap is NOT the man you married.

 

DIVORCE HIM. Kick his ass out and tell him to go be with his OW. You deserve better.

[whichwayisup]

He has broken you and the OW stalking you has made it worse.

 

Do some counseling to help you regain your confidence and so you can get the strength to divorce him.

 

Sorry you're hurting..

[Alicat09]

I retained a Lawyer, served him his first letter & than chickened out.

 

I don't want to break up my family.

 

& your absolutley correct, I am weak & I can't do it,

 

He is a complete d*ck, I know that. But I still don't want to break up.

[bentnotbroken]

I retained a Lawyer, served him his first letter & than chickened out.

 

I don't want to break up my family.

 

& your absolutley correct, I am weak & I can't do it,

 

He is a complete d*ck, I know that. But I still don't want to break up.

 

 

You do know you didn't break up your family right? But you are certainly prolonging the exposure to the bull that they will endure.

[Alicat09]

I also asked him to leave, Told him to go be with her.

 

His response is always the same. If I wanted to be with her I would of left along time ago. That he doesn't love her & never did.

[ladyinthemts]

I strongly suggest counseling. Go by yourself the first time.

 

Honestly, I would leave him - like I told my H that I would.

 

You didn't break up the family; he has already done that.

[canuckprincess]

Do you really think the ow going away will make it all better. You know she is still contacting you is because they are still seeing eachother. You know it and if your gonna allow it then you need to come to terms with the fact that he doesn't love you enough to end it. If the current ow goes away he will just find another. He doesn't respect you at all from what you've desribed. I feel so bad for you. You need to do the 180 on him, and get some IC for yourself. Work on yourself, if you don't love yourself why should anyone else. Take care of yourself.

[canuckprincess]

I also asked him to leave, Told him to go be with her.

 

His response is always the same. If I wanted to be with her I would of left along time ago. That he doesn't love her & never did.

 

How long have they been having the affair. You say he didn't love her, so what your saying is he is putting you through hell for someone he doesn't even love. Oh my you got yourself a real winner!

[canuckprincess]

Other then himself who does your husband love?

[Alicat09]

Your absolutley correct canuckprincess:

 

He doesn't love me enough to be honest & he never will.

 

He has no intentions of leaving & is probably just staying because he too does not want a broken family.

 

& most likely doesn't want to go through a messy divorce.So he can hoard all his $$

[canuckprincess]

Your absolutley correct canuckprincess:

 

He doesn't love me enough to be honest & he never will.

 

He has no intentions of leaving & is probably just staying because he too does not want a broken family.

 

& most likely doesn't want to go through a messy divorce.So he can hoard all his $$

 

He could just want you to make the decision for him. Your marriage will never be the same. You can live together without being a true couple, live like roommates. You need to boost your self esteem

[whichwayisup]

I retained a Lawyer, served him his first letter & than chickened out.

 

I don't want to break up my family.

 

& your absolutley correct, I am weak & I can't do it,

 

He is a complete d*ck, I know that. But I still don't want to break up.

 

You are not breaking up your family. Your husband is the one who has. He's not been there for you, he's not been a husband for a long time, let alone a father or family man.

 

Do counseling, get strong and divorce his cheating ass.

 

You have to do this..staying with him will ruin you even more.

[whichwayisup]

I also asked him to leave, Told him to go be with her.

 

His response is always the same. If I wanted to be with her I would of left along time ago. That he doesn't love her & never did.

 

Yet he keeps on cheating on you. He can't have it both ways and you allowing him to stay, enables him to continue to cheat and live at home, have the benefits of being married. Screw that. GET MAD not sad. Save the sadness for later.. You need to get pissed at him and find that anger and use it to your advantage. Rely on good friends and family to help you through this.

 

Kick him out. change the locks.

[Spark1111]

Alicia, only YOU can change your life for the better!

 

Both you and he send her a NC letter certified mail informing her that unless all Internet contact ends, you will get a restraining order. call a lawyer. Your H pays for all of it.

 

Print out every email and keep it in a very safe place. Don't tell H.

 

Call up that divorce attorney and find out what your options are, what your split of assets will be.

 

Sit your H down and tell him exactly how you feel about his lack of support, how you have consulted an attorney, how he has made a mess of your lives and of you.

 

You say you do not want to break up the family, but you have been broken by this for two years now. he did that, and by your account, hasn't done a thing to right it.

 

he does not value you, or your feelings.

 

It is time to value yourself and your children. Get strong, and focus on you and your future.

[Alicat09]

J'adore...looks like you are the one that's not getting it. Your MM isn't going to leave his wife either. & there is a reason for that.

 

So you are ok with never having him to yourself?? You need to find a man that is NOT married.

 

Take a good look at yourself....yes you are a homewrecker & are probably a bunny boiler as well.

[Alicat09]

meandmyself;

 

I have been to the police. Just waiting to see if she really does get the message this time.

 

My H has blocked her as well.

 

We will see...

[Radu]

You say you are married for 25yrs, that means you are probably 45+.

You still have 30+yrs head of you, is this how you want to spend them ?

Is this the message you want to send to your kids ?

 

You do not need to D, you just need to take action, to show consequences.

 

When a dog wets the carpet, you don't make excuses for it, you don't pet him or push him gently out.

You take his f*cking nose, you push it into the pee and you smack him over the nose with a rolled up newspaper.

The damn dog will learn it's lesson after that.

 

So why don't you do that to your husband.

 

He cares about money, position ... those things ?

Fine, hold them hostage.

He either pulls the R wagon, and makes this work through MC, gets you through your grief and shows you that he can be trusted again ... or you take those things and in the process also teach the kids a lesson in life.

If he works on R, and admits to his faults, and fights the OW for you and destroys her, you can always stop the D.

 

Pls google 'the 180', to drag him out of his damn affair fog and get to a better place.

[Alicat09]

Oh..J'adore:

 

You are blind. Yes I still make love to my H & he went & told his OW that we don't have sex. When in fact our sex is incredible. He lied to her everysingle day of what goes on in our house.

 

Fabricated all kinds of stuff just to keep her happy.

 

You are being completely sucked in & one day you will wake up & you will be disgarded like yesterday's trash. & he will be spooning with his wife in bed.

 

Maybe sweep her off to to few caribean vacations while you stay at home. Then when he decides to break up with you & continue his marriage with his wife & his family. There you will be stalking his wife.

 

At least I'm not stupid enought to believe his lies.

 

wake up you are going to be a very lonley women.

[standtall]

Alliecat..the bunny boiler will not go away because your husband is keeping her in it. As long as you allow him to get away with it, she will be there.

[Mount]

It does not matter who bangs whom, right now the person is being tortured and losing face is the wife role, because you/the wife does not know how to manage your husband, so he CAN DO WHATEVER HE WANTS, and his attitude to you is -take it or leave it.

 

Even thought the OW is not plausible, but the key person to change the scene is the husband. Unfortunately his attitude to the world is it is what it is, so what.

 

Oh..J'adore:

 

You are blind. Yes I still make love to my H & he went & told his OW that we don't have sex. When in fact our sex is incredible. He lied to her everysingle day of what goes on in our house.

 

Fabricated all kinds of stuff just to keep her happy.

 

You are being completely sucked in & one day you will wake up & you will be disgarded like yesterday's trash. & he will be spooning with his wife in bed.

 

Maybe sweep her off to to few caribean vacations while you stay at home. Then when he decides to break up with you & continue his marriage with his wife & his family. There you will be stalking his wife.

 

At least I'm not stupid enought to believe his lies.

 

wake up you are going to be a very lonley women.

[bentnotbroken]

It does not matter who bangs whom, right now the person is being tortured and losing face is the wife role, because you/the wife does not know how to manage your husband, so he CAN DO WHATEVER HE WANTS, and his attitude to you is -take it or leave it.

 

Even thought the OW is not plausible, but the key person to change the scene is the husband. Unfortunately his attitude to the world is it is what it is, so what.

 

 

:eek:You are joking right? Manage an adult? How is that possible? :confused:

[Mount]

What I meant is that the wife should use her intellgience to win his man's heart, not to 100% blame OW.

 

The wife is losing face or being tortured by the affair, even though she can infuse the angry emotion to OW, it is not going to change anything either. She needs to find a way to get her husband back, or suck it up, as apparently the reality of her husband attitude is - it is what it is, take it or leave it.

 

:eek:You are joking right? Manage an adult? How is that possible? :confused: