Ok, heres my story

[echo419]

Hi everyone, glad I found this place!

 

I'll try and keep the details brief---if anyone wants more info just let me know

 

The Relationship

I was with my EX for what would be 3 years this September. About 6 months ago we moved in together. I am 28 and well a pretty "easy-going" type guy. My EX is 22, but maybe a little more mature than I am...LOL Anyway, things were ruff in the apartment. We were fighting a lot more than usual. I pretty much thought it was the added stress on both of us. Financially and Emotionally. So I dismissed most of our problems due to the stress, I figured it wasn't that big of a deal---something that we could get over, something that was completely normal.

 

The Break Up

It started as a "break". We got into a pretty nasty fight one night and the next day we didn't really talk about it. The day after that she said we needed a break. I was shocked, I begged a little, and told her that we could work it out. About 4-5 days later we talked and she said we were through. I again was shocked and hurt...all that stuff.

 

The Reasons

Her reasons were her feelings towards me have changed. She didn't see our relationship moving forward, she didn't feel taken care of. She said I was hard to talk to. I was difficult to talk to and I realize that now. I was one of those guys who didn't express his feelings well. The crazy part is my EX is the same way. So right there is my #1 reason we broke up---lack of communication. I feel if we would have communicated better, most of the problems could have easily been avoided. So I try like everyone does and convince her to stay, that we can get through this, that I can change...etc. etc. Of course that didn't work.

 

What I've been going through

Like most people, the shock, the depression, all the pain/guilt/anger. What I realized is that most of the problems she had with me, are the problems I have with myself. So--If ya'll can believe me--I do want to change, I do want to be a better person. I want to do this for myself first.....I just needed a little push.

 

Whats happened since the breakup

I've been working on myself a lot, sort of soul-searching. I wrote her a letter (about 2 weeks ago) telling her how shes helped me realize some things. How I've learned a lot about myself and relationships because of all this. Most of my friends said this was good---that it was good that I wrote this even if it doesn't mean anything to her, but good for me.

 

Then one night, not long after the letter I screwed up. I was drunk and depressed and sent her a text message. It read "I miss you, I care for you, I hope your doing well." I regretted it once I sent it. Then I screwed up a second time by calling her a day or so later. I asked how she was doing---she said fine--in a cold way. We talked a little but it ended pretty much with her telling me that I can't wait for her, that I need to try and move on, etc. etc. Yep, I caved in and I realize this now, but I do love this girl and intended on marrying her---so I thought at the time that I had to try anything I could to get her back. Now she knows what I feel, what I want, so the balls in her court----that brings me to the No Contact approach.

 

Can I get a second chance??

Ok, so now I know it won't be easy, it may take time, and it probably doesn't have much of a chance to begin with. I won't call her, or email her, and no more letters. No contact is all that I'm left with. She has a few things at my apartment still, but I'm not going to ask her when she will be getting them. We have a mutual friend, but I will not ask him about her. I was close to her father and brother-in-law, but now I won't contact them as much and I won't ask them about her either.

 

In the mean time, I'll focus on myself. I'll try and not worry about what she is up to, I will try and move forward and grow from this.

 

So what do you think? Do I have a chance? Is this the only thing I can do?

 

Any advice is welcomed and thanks for reading.

 

P.S. Sorry its long, and I hope I put it in the right forum.

 

 

Is this my only chance? Can it work? In time maybe she will find it in herself to give me a second chance?

[bytor]

I feel for you . My wife and I have had a problem with communication for along time and its really starting to tear me up also. From the sound of it, you've let her know how deeply you want to be with her. If she cant relate, then maybe you should look elswhere as much as it hurts. trying to put myself in your shoes here and I think she should let her heart come back to you if it was meant to be.

[echo419]

Thanks for the response bytor,

 

Whats funny/ironic is that it took this for me to realize I had problems dealing with my feelings and expressing myself. Since the breakup I really feel like I've been able to tear those walls down. I've been lucky to have good friends that will listen when I need to talk about it, and I don't hold anything back! I could watch a movie that made me sad but I wouldn't cry. I wanted to, but something would block the tears. Now I don't push my feelings down anymore and I feel so much better. I just wish I could have done this sooner.

It does hurt now, but I know that will come to an end someday. Whether we get back together (which I certainly hope for) or not, I know I will be a better person because of this.

 

Thanks again, and I wish you and your wife the best of luck.