Please: Need help with guilt and forgiveness!!!

[burdenofpain]

I need any insight or perspective...I cheated (emotional relationship with coworker, kissing on one occasion) on my boyfriend of 4 years 2 years ago and told him 4 months ago. I finally came to the realization that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. He forgave me months ago. We went to counseling and our relationship has been great. I am filled with so much love for him in my heart and hatred for myself. Thoughts of the other person literally make me sick. I constantly think of the moments in time that I would give anything to go back to, so I could change things. I don't know what I was thinking. What was wrong with me? Why did I taint our relationship? How can I overcome this? I look at an object and think ... that was before I made the biggest mistake of my life or that was after.

How can I overcome this. I feel as though my pain and constant crying could hurt my relationship. I did have doubts in our relationship at the time (felt somewhat neglected) and did see this other person as a representative of what I could have (constant compliments, gifts, etc.) and also just as a friend to hang out with. I honestly feel like I don't deserve love or forgiveness from anyone. My mom tried to make me feel better saying that we are not married and she met my dad while dating someone else...all i could say was "Do you still love me?" I literally feel like I don't deserve the love of any other human being. Does anyone have any insight on how I can pick up the pieces and get over the guilt and shame I am feeling? Can anyone offer their own experiences with this?

[princess75]

OK....let us see..it is obvious one thing. You did something you regret. Now we are all human beings in this World and we make mistakes. Your bf has forgiven you and now u should find out why u have not forgiven yourself. Even though maybe he said to himself it is no big deal, and moved on...then why u going back to there. Ask yourself what did you do wrong to yourself, and from there u can move on. HEy, we are all human beings, and hey SEX is NOT everything. Maybe it was just that, or maybe u are cheating yourself to what YOU really want out of the relationship.

Good luck

[burdenofpain]

Princess 75,

Thanks for your reply. Do you mean that maybe I want something more from my current relationship? I feel like I hurt myself because I betrayed my values and the way I want to be treated in a relationship. I certainly would not want my boyfriend becoming this close to someone else, and I think I betrayed my own instincts.

[EIN]

First of all, it was adult for him to forgive you cause we all move on. Like princess75 said, why are you bringing it up upon yourself about this relationship that you didnt want from the start? You should not concentrate on the past becuase the past is the past. Concentrate on the relationship you have with your boyfriend. Not every boyfriend can forgive with things their girlfriend did like you have mentioned but him forgiving you means that he is willing to give you and him another chance and so should you. Drop that feeling of hatred and go on with what you have with your boyfriend. GET OVER IT, it happened and you cant go back on it.