MyCoolNickName Posted November 16, 2000 Share Posted November 16, 2000 I have a close female friend who puzzles me. She has a very cute personality, and it's not hard for her to attract guys. She's only 18 by the way. However, she's never had a boyfriend. She's gone thru the whole thing of crushing, being crushed on, liking someone, not being liked, dating, etc etc. There's a lot of guys in her life. Her not ever having a boyfriend despite all this, is it simply because she's just having fun? The only other factor that would be relevant is that her mom pressures her a lot to get a boyfriend. Yea, my educated guess is that she does not want to commit, but what other issues might there be? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted November 16, 2000 Share Posted November 16, 2000 There could be millions of reasons she doesn't have a boyfriend and every one of them are HER business. She may be afraid, not knowing what to expect, because she hasn't had one. She may not be ready to surrender herself sexually...I'm sure her girlfriends have told her about the pressure guys put on them for that...She may be rebelling against her mother, who wants her to have a boyfriend...or she may even just want to enjoy the attention she gets from all the guys right now. At any rate, it's her life and, if she's an average heterosexual female, when she finds a guy she wants to spend a lot of time with she will certainly make the move. But not until. Worry about yourself!!! Link to post Share on other sites
MyCoolNickName Posted November 17, 2000 Share Posted November 17, 2000 Well, she's my close friend so I tend to worry about her, and would like to just understand her a bit better, so I can see where she's coming from. But I guess in the end, it is entirely her business anyways. I guess I fell into the trap of playing psychologist to a friend, which is definitely not what I want. Thanks Tony! Link to post Share on other sites
silly Posted November 17, 2000 Share Posted November 17, 2000 I would take out pictures, memory books and whatever else you need to remind you of how wonderful your wife is. Then talk to her, tell her that you may have some frustrations to air, be honest... it is obvious to me that something may be lacking in your marriage to think outside of it and consider it enough to put it down in words. And I"m not trying to be rude, but usually when ppl look outside of the marriage for some satisfaction, something's going on in the marriage, or not going on. It's easy to be distracted by the eye and the guise of flirtation... but I bet this woman doesn't hold a candle to your wife and what you have together... If you decide you are just being silly and snap out of it etc...then cook dinner, make reservations for your wife and yourself at a restaurant, buy her something b/c you really want to or go to a nice spa or a weekend getaway and do it just because.... laugh about all of the silly things you've done together and think about all that the future has to hold for the two of you and tell her how much you love her! You are a good person, and I agree with the person who said flirtation is innocent, it's human nature, just don't jeopardize your future... good luck! I have a close female friend who puzzles me. She has a very cute personality, and it's not hard for her to attract guys. She's only 18 by the way. However, she's never had a boyfriend. She's gone thru the whole thing of crushing, being crushed on, liking someone, not being liked, dating, etc etc. There's a lot of guys in her life. Her not ever having a boyfriend despite all this, is it simply because she's just having fun? The only other factor that would be relevant is that her mom pressures her a lot to get a boyfriend. Yea, my educated guess is that she does not want to commit, but what other issues might there be? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
silly Posted November 17, 2000 Share Posted November 17, 2000 oops, I responded to the wrong message, this is for valt, and Not sure what to do... I would take out pictures, memory books and whatever else you need to remind you of how wonderful your wife is. Then talk to her, tell her that you may have some frustrations to air, be honest... it is obvious to me that something may be lacking in your marriage to think outside of it and consider it enough to put it down in words. And I"m not trying to be rude, but usually when ppl look outside of the marriage for some satisfaction, something's going on in the marriage, or not going on. It's easy to be distracted by the eye and the guise of flirtation... but I bet this woman doesn't hold a candle to your wife and what you have together... If you decide you are just being silly and snap out of it etc...then cook dinner, make reservations for your wife and yourself at a restaurant, buy her something b/c you really want to or go to a nice spa or a weekend getaway and do it just because.... laugh about all of the silly things you've done together and think about all that the future has to hold for the two of you and tell her how much you love her! You are a good person, and I agree with the person who said flirtation is innocent, it's human nature, just don't jeopardize your future... good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Rachel Posted November 17, 2000 Share Posted November 17, 2000 She seems very sensible to me. Why be tied down to a relationship when there is a whole world to discover - at 18 too - she should wait even longer hehe! I was exactly the same at 18. I did not want a boyfriend - they would get in the way of my freedom loving nature. Instead I used fantasy - made up romantic scenarios (which would not be fulfilled in real life)- till I felt ready for and desired a relationship - then a suitable man came into my life. Commitment at 18!!! What a nightmare!!! Urk!!! I also had no problem attracting men because of my personality and appearance. My advice - she keep up with the crushes etc... in her head till the time feels right. The teenage years are the most rebellious ones for most - if she didnt rebel she would not experience what is a a healthy and completely normal phase - she would also be rather dull. If my other told me to get a boyfriend at that age - I would rebel absolutely - this is the mothers issue not your friends. Maybe she has a 'rebellious and independant' star sign. Ha! My advice to you is to take care of YOU and YOUR ISSUES if you have them. Over and out .... Rebellious Rachel I have a close female friend who puzzles me. She has a very cute personality, and it's not hard for her to attract guys. She's only 18 by the way. However, she's never had a boyfriend. She's gone thru the whole thing of crushing, being crushed on, liking someone, not being liked, dating, etc etc. There's a lot of guys in her life. Her not ever having a boyfriend despite all this, is it simply because she's just having fun? The only other factor that would be relevant is that her mom pressures her a lot to get a boyfriend. Yea, my educated guess is that she does not want to commit, but what other issues might there be? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Heather Posted November 17, 2000 Share Posted November 17, 2000 Commitment at 18!!! What a nightmare!!! Urk!!! Im 18, have a 2 year old and expecting another one in March. I am getting married soon, I don't think that I am dull or that my commitment is a nightmare! I have been commited for over 3 years now, and plan to be for the rest of my life. Now on the other hand, there is a lot that I have missed and I know that! I don't regret meeting my fiance, and I absolutely don't regret having my daughter! I just regret the fact that I was only 16 when she was born, I should have waited! There is alot I have missed! On the bright side, I will be only 37 years old when the child I am about to have turns 18! I will be able to live it up then right! Just thought I'd put in my 2 cents! ~Heather Link to post Share on other sites
Rachel the 2nd (formerly Rachel) Posted November 19, 2000 Share Posted November 19, 2000 I agree with you wholeheartedly. I was expressing MY personal views on "MY" committment at a young age. I was writing in a supportive way. Just as I am supportive of - and agree with your post. I have made a decision to not have a set point of view on things - and my ideas do change... at 18 I could have thought another view. Individuality is what makes the world so interesting - how dreary if all people conformed to a particular set of standards. How wonderful that most people can choose to live out their lives however they want. Re: Missing out!!!! No way - my sister is jetting of to Europe again but this time with her two 'babies' in tow! Over and out Rachel the 2nd Im 18, have a 2 year old and expecting another one in March. I am getting married soon, I don't think that I am dull or that my commitment is a nightmare! I have been commited for over 3 years now, and plan to be for the rest of my life. Now on the other hand, there is a lot that I have missed and I know that! I don't regret meeting my fiance, and I absolutely don't regret having my daughter! I just regret the fact that I was only 16 when she was born, I should have waited! There is alot I have missed! On the bright side, I will be only 37 years old when the child I am about to have turns 18! I will be able to live it up then right! Just thought I'd put in my 2 cents! ~Heather Im 18, have a 2 year old and expecting another one in March. I am getting married soon, I don't think that I am dull or that my commitment is a nightmare! I have been commited for over 3 years now, and plan to be for the rest of my life. Now on the other hand, there is a lot that I have missed and I know that! I don't regret meeting my fiance, and I absolutely don't regret having my daughter! I just regret the fact that I was only 16 when she was born, I should have waited! There is alot I have missed! On the bright side, I will be only 37 years old when the child I am about to have turns 18! I will be able to live it up then right! Just thought I'd put in my 2 cents! ~Heather Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts