Friend getting cheated on

[Anegada]

I need some advice on a problem I am facing with a friend/co-worker (we'll call her Lisa). Lisa and her current boyfriend have been seeing each other for some 7-8 months now. She is absolutely crazy about him and from the sounds of things the relationship is very strong. The problem: A few weeks ago I ran into an old co-worker from a previous job. While in the process of catching up she told me about this guy she had just met through a dating website. It was nothing serious yet but she had been out with him a few times. Listening to her describe him and telling me where he worked it only took a few minutes to realize she was probably talking about the very same guy Lisa was dating. When I asked her his name my suspicions were confirmed. I didn't say anything to her but it did lead to a more obvious problem.

 

How do I tell Lisa about this, or should I? While we are close co-workers I would not say we are very close friends. We've hung out a few times after work and often chat about our social lives and all but thats about it. Just to add to the confusion, I have thought about the possibility of developing our relationship into something more than just co-workers/friends but have never really pursued it because of her current relationship and the whole "company ink" issue. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

[dreamer717]

Hmmm....I am probably not the best source of advice regarding the coworker/friend thing, esp. since I just posted my own predicament...LOL

 

Personally...my opinion is, if you are not close friends with Lisa, if she is just a coworker and nothing more, then you probably don't even need to divulge this info to her. Chances are she's going to find out about the other girl soon enough. If you do say something, and they split up, and then you immediately jump in and try to take your relationship to a higher level then it looks like you had that ulterior motive in mind from the get-go.

 

If Lisa does not know this other girl, and there is no way to tie the whole mess back to you--as in her finding out that you knew all along--then just let it go. She's going to find out eventually and when she does I'm sure you will have the opportunity to be supportive:)

[honey2005]

If the situation was reversed would you want to know? I'm sure I would.

[bluetuesday]

I would want to know too. There are enough cheaters out there without your friends getting in on the act by keeping things from you.

 

Lisa may not like hearing what you've got to say, but I'd be hurt if someone kept something this serious from me. Tell her now and let her at least have all the facts about this guy so she can either move on or sort it out before she gets deeper into the relationship than she already is. Be a friend.

[Anegada]

All, thanks for the insight - it certainly put things in perspective. I decided to take an intermediate route for now and call a friend you knows us both pretty well and boy did I get a surprise I'm told Lisa already knows about the dating site, not the woman I know though. Apparently the guy has been active on the site on and off for pretty much the entire relationship. Well at least one problem is solved - I don't need to tell her!!

 

However, Lisa has told me in the past that she "is done getting her heart stepped on" (previous issues with an ex) which is kind of strange since that is what she is allowing her current boyfriend to do right now. I feel torn between losing quite a bit of respect for her (I've never understood women that allow themsleves to be treated in such a manner) and wanting to be there as a friend - I have strong suspicions that she knows that I had (or still do) have feelings for her. What seemed like a relatively simple issue now got a lot more complicated - and to be honest probably belongs in another forum!! Any advice on what to do now? I'm thinking...lay low and avoid any social talk or contact all together for a while.