Should I say YES or NO or Somthing else!!!

[Leo_01]

Hi all!!

 

I have a problem...which hopefully you can help with it. Its been stressing me out for the last few weeks....By the way it is a tiny by complicated...

 

I have been going out with my girlfied for 4 years. We are both Indian origin, but her parents are more strict. We are both the same religion. Things were great in the first two half years where we both lived out and lived near each other (at uni) and could stay around each others places.

 

Then I went travelling after uni for 4 months. We still stayed together, in the sense we didnt split up. I knew it was more upsetting for her as it felt that it was like i was just leaving her....but I had to do it. You dont get the time to go travelling like that when u start working. But I didnt want to break up with her. I know it was hard for her but is was also hard for me. I came back and she had changed. She was more independent, but she was ruder and not so sweet anymore. She did not feel like the same sweetheart i knew. We chated and she said she changed because i left her on her own and she had to cope. Thats the way she coped. But she lost her sweetness..

 

For about half a year when i got back from travelling trip my g/f still lived out so I travelled to see her (as i moved home). Things were okay we did argue here and there. Then the sex became none existent and she said that she was just not interested in it and give it time and it will come back. That was hard and irritating (couldnt handle sleeping in the same bed but not doing anything?! We had great sex life b4) - sometimes thought it was cos of me.

 

Then she moved home and then we saw each other once a month. Talk everyday, but not the same anymore. We did argue here and there over commitment...she wanted me to tell my sisters about her....but everytime i was goint to, we would have an argument about something small and that would put me off. The relationship also got a bit boring, didnt meet much. Couldnt stay around her place and she cant come out in evening (indian parents!) ...

 

Now that is the background....She has given me an utimatium asking me to decide whether i want to marry her. She says that she wants to tell her parents and i can tell mine...She is happy to be engaged for 2 yrs (as i dont want to get married yet!) PS: I am 24 she is 23. But this will make it easier for us to see each other BUT this will mean I will have to commit to marriage.

 

Just to let you know why she said the ultimatum is that her parents are putting pressure to get married and want her to start looking at guys (aranged) as it can take a while to find a decent guy. She has been putting it off for a while. Her parents are now thinking if she has a b/f. She said it has been stressful and she wants me to be introduced to them. But get married in a couple of years - she doesnt want to get married now either. But wants us to see more of each other

 

Because of all the problems we had over the last year....My feelings for her are not so strong for her anymore...I do feel that. But i know that if things go well and we spend time together we have fun together my feelings will come back. That is after we tell our parents - but then I am bound.! What if things dont go well - I couldnt break it off, it would ruin her. But i am kinda sure things will go well

 

Also, just say if i did finish it I am worried that i would not find a girl like her again.

 

What should I do? Should I say yes, no, or well I want things to get better between us first then make decision (but hard to make things better cos we cant see each other often + dont thing she will go with this either)

 

Thanks in advance

[johnnyl321]

wow, leo, arranged marriages still exist in this day and age. but, let's talk about you. because you are the most important person in your world. if you don't think so, see whose world it would be withoout you in it.

i don't agree to ultimatums. wars have started over them. why should you give in to that kind of pressure. you said yourself, she's not the same sweet girl you once knew. there are plenty of sweet women in the world still, my friend. no one and i mean no one, should have to push you to marriage. i understand her parents are making her, but if she can't stand up against her own parents, then what are you going to do? you'll have no choice, you'd have to say yes. i believe if she really felt about you, what you feel for her, she would tell her parents, "i'll marry who i love and not who you think would be best for me"

best of luck