johnnyl321 Posted August 18, 2004 Share Posted August 18, 2004 okay, i could use a little help here. my gf and i have been together for 2 and a half years now. she's still separated from her husband (going on 4 years now) she and him split up after she had an affair. she says the reason she had an affair was she was tired of cooking and cleaning and him coming home and ignoring her. so i vow never to ignore her. now, i get ignored. i'll come home and she won't talk to me. at all. i'll go to give her a kiss, and it seems like i'm an annoyance anymore. this may go on for 3 days and finally i'll ask "is it over between us?" then, she says no, i'm sorry, i love you and don't ever want to lose you, all the typical things. but then, a week later, and it's back to "normal". when we first got together, it was magical. for me anyway. she said the same thing, that she never felt this way about anyone and felt that i was the guy she was looking for her whole life. that's how i felt about her. but now, i wonder. i try to be a funloving man. i make the bed, i'll make dinner on my day off, i clean the house, i wash the dishes. is it because i have a little dick? or is because i'm fat. i was fat when she met me and since then, i've lost about 50 pounds. or is it because she's done with me. maybe she doesn't want a family scene again. she has two kids from her marriage and i have two from my previous marriage. sometimes i feel that she's upset that my kids see me so much and her kids hardly ever come around. whenever i ask what's wrong, it's the same answer each time "Nothing's wrong" , "don't worry about it", "you're not doing anything wrong, it's just me". i'm going nuts. i don't want to be in a one sided relationship, but that's how it feels to me. Link to post Share on other sites
hugznkisses21 Posted August 18, 2004 Share Posted August 18, 2004 hmmmm.... Maybe she is stressed about something. Perhaps a bit jelous about your relationship with your children. Why don't you surprise her with a romantic weekend getaway with just the two of you to re-kindle things. No kids just the two of you...be romantic, tell her how you feel and maybe if soemthing is bothering her just say if you dont want to talk about it thats ok im here is you need someone to listen. Does she tell you she loves you? Other than that all I can think of is to give her some space she may need and let her call you and come to you. If she says whats wrong you are ignoring me tell her how u feel and that you thought she may need space. Keep me updated. I hope I helped Link to post Share on other sites
Author johnnyl321 Posted August 18, 2004 Author Share Posted August 18, 2004 i've done the romantic getaway weekends. but it's like i said, things may seem to go fine for a little while, a week, maybe ten days and then it's back to the quiet treatment. as far as her saying she loves me, well, the last time i can think of her saying it to me first was in christmas of 03. no, one more time since then, i was having a bad day at work and i was sitting on the front step of our house looking miserable, she came out and tried to cheer me up. i've often wondered about why she doesn't say she loves me first. nor does she ever initiate intimate contact. that in itself is diminishing as well. in our first 6-7 months together, it was almost every night. now it's down to about twice a week. i remember her telling me that her ex was lucky if he got it twice a month, and i keep wondering how long until i'm at the same place as him. i wear my heart on my sleeve for this woman, i know it and so does she. but who the hell does she think she is to be in my life and try to ignore me like that. i go out of my way to make sure i care for her kids, and she never does much of anything with mine. actually, i think i've got the answer. she wants out, but she feels too guilty about it. maybe she wants to meet someone else first. it would explain a lot. having an affair that broke up her marriage, and after her marriage broke up, she said she had a lot of boyfriends. i wonder if she ever went any longer than a few months without someone else. she claims to be independent, but it's me she's living with. thanks for your answer though. i guess i'll just see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
evagreten Posted August 27, 2004 Share Posted August 27, 2004 You need to take control away from her and get it back for yourself. You've done all the talking and given her all the chances. Now stop asking HER what's wrong and tell her what's WRONG with you. Tell her the relationship isn't fulfilling YOU at the moment and you need more from HER. Then see how she reacts. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted August 27, 2004 Share Posted August 27, 2004 I think because you wear your heart on your sleeve and do all these nice things for her that she takes BIG ADVANTAGE of you ! Now you can be * nice * until doomsday but she is playing on that fact that you would kiss the ground in her presence. TAKE BACK THE CONTROL ! Now when you come home ( please try this okay for one week ) ....dont do the laundry , or dinner or show her ANY affection of ANY KIND . Let her WONDER whats wrong with HER. NOT whats wrong with you ! I think you feel because you are fat that you have to take this BULLSH** but my bf was fat and I loved him just the same and if anything I was the grovelver...the one trying so hard but in the end ...if they dont truly respect you and fullfill all your emotional, sexual and other needs then its time for you to BE STRONG and let go...because you look like the wimp...( I'm not saying you are one...only that she thinks you are her wimp )... Be strong ! Dont kiss her ass anymore....act distant...TREAT HER EXACTLY LIKE SHE TREATS YOU....Trust me on that one okay....What do you have to lose ? More of her bull**** ? Link to post Share on other sites
evagreten Posted August 27, 2004 Share Posted August 27, 2004 i agree i agree i agree!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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