Had lunch with ex yesterday. Now what?

[Lone]

Weve exchanged a few emails were we discussed friendship and friends with benefits scenario. She said she would rather leave it than drag what we had through the mud. Said she is happy to hang out but not interested in sleeping together or with anyone else. she said if i need to take more time then fine and she can only hope one day i'll feel differently.

 

so then i emailed pretty much saying goodbye. saying how im working on accepting the past, staying focused on the present and planning for the future and with her in my life it makes staying focused on the present that much harder. and that i wished her all the best and will miss her.

 

she emailed back saying thanks and that good things werent meant to be easy.and that she's sorry she couldnt get it together for me/us.

 

then she text me saying that she cant stop thinking about having sex with me and touching me!?

 

what the hell...

i want her back. right now it seems like that isnt an option. whats my best move moving forward?

[Jono85]

Weve exchanged a few emails were we discussed friendship and friends with benefits scenario. She said she would rather leave it than drag what we had through the mud. Said she is happy to hang out but not interested in sleeping together or with anyone else. she said if i need to take more time then fine and she can only hope one day i'll feel differently.

 

so then i emailed pretty much saying goodbye. saying how im working on accepting the past, staying focused on the present and planning for the future and with her in my life it makes staying focused on the present that much harder. and that i wished her all the best and will miss her.

 

she emailed back saying thanks and that good things werent meant to be easy.and that she's sorry she couldnt get it together for me/us.

 

then she text me saying that she cant stop thinking about having sex with me and touching me!?

 

what the hell...

i want her back. right now it seems like that isnt an option. whats my best move moving forward?

 

easier said than done, but i'd just avoid the temptation of turning her into a FWB situation, if it's even there (which she said it wasn't, but then also threw out mixed signals). i hooked up with my ex for a weekend, 3 weeks after she broke up with me, and while it was amazing, it wasn't the same that weekend, or after. she was private with her phone, bringing it to the washroom while she showered, etc, and just her vibe was clearly confused, acting 'couply' at times, and then being distant at other times. i could just tell her much of her feelings weren't there. And afterwards when i went home, it was just different obviously, since we weren't in a relationship. it hurt. i didn't understand how she can be so intimate with me and even tell me she loves me while having sex, and then still afterwards not want to be with me. it sucked hard.

 

i'd say just start the moving on process man. stop pursuing this. accept the challenge, and know it won't be easy, but it's gotta be done.

[veggirl]

I just text her and said "Do u want to catch up like we used to? No expectations or pressure. Just u and me. Activities, great sex, smiles and laughs"

 

Pathetic i know. i dont know what im doing. i know i need to move on but im so set on reconciliation.... is that even a possibility? if so what do i do to put me in the best spot for it?

 

Whaaat?? Why would you send that text after she broke up with you and then re-itterated that she didn't want to be with you? Please stop now. Stop all contact with her, you are starting to look desperate to her and she knows she has you under her thumb. No chance of reconcilliation when you are chasing her!! If there is any hope of getting back together, you need to disappear!

[Lone]

She says she wants to be friends. And that if i need time then to take it and she can only hope one day it will be different.

 

i do want reconciliation - so you think my best move is to just disappear? does that mean delete her from facebook? weve remained friends and she still has all our 'couple' photos up together.

[fancy feast]

Holy **** man, cease all communication immediately. You're just torturing yourself.

[SharkTooth]

Yes, delete her from your life! How's it going to feel the day the photo of you two is gone? Don't put yourself through that one, it'll sting you bad! There's a reason for the saying "curiosity killed the cat"! It is going to be living hell but we've all been through it and you'll be all right. Give yourself some credit. You are a better person then that!

[Lone]

The issue is that we are in the same social circle. i will see her around frequently. I mean even this weekend she invited me to a party at her place for a friend that went to rehab and is now out. i got to know her very well as i was pretty much living at their place so i do want to go see her but i cant bear going there and being in the place we had so many good memories and her there with god knows who etc... why is it so hard? it hurts so much. ive lost the one person who matters more than anyone in my whole world.

[fancy feast]

Just because you're in the same social circle doesn't mean you need to send these desperate messages. That won't get you over her, and it sure as **** won't get her back. It sounds like you're in a situation where you're going to have to see this girl, so you have to learn to deal with it like a ****in' champ. Like I said before, just be cool and confident and don't over-analyze every interaction (take it from me, this how you goof up and send those messages you immediately regret).

[Eddie Edirol]

There is no chance of reconciliation. Dont believe anything she says, because you will soon see her with someone else. She will add new pics of her with someone else, take down the pics with you, and you wont have a choice but to move on. Also sounds like she either wants that FWB with you, or wants you to think she does to keep you talking to her. As if she wants the sex without the relationship. Dont do it, unless you can handle having sex with her with no attachment.

 

I also think if you insist on talking to her, tell her you cant be friends until she tells you the real reason she broke it off, because she is lying. Hold the friendship for ransom, knowing you are lying to her, she deserves it. Get the real reason so you can learn from it for future relationships. and dont tell her thats why you want to know. Be prepared for her to hold that reason for ransom too. You can do anything you want at this point, there will be no reconciliation. She has it in her head that she wants something else that isnt you, for some reason. She knows youre hurt and is doing what she can to keep your attention the platonic way, not the romantic way. Dont let her do it if you cant handle it.

 

If you can handle talking to your friends without paying much attention to her, do it, but if it will hurt too much, you will have to disappear from that circle for a while until you recover.

[Lone]

There is no chance of reconciliation. Dont believe anything she says, because you will soon see her with someone else. She will add new pics of her with someone else, take down the pics with you, and you wont have a choice but to move on. Also sounds like she either wants that FWB with you, or wants you to think she does to keep you talking to her. As if she wants the sex without the relationship. Dont do it, unless you can handle having sex with her with no attachment.

 

I also think if you insist on talking to her, tell her you cant be friends until she tells you the real reason she broke it off, because she is lying. Hold the friendship for ransom, knowing you are lying to her, she deserves it. Get the real reason so you can learn from it for future relationships. and dont tell her thats why you want to know. Be prepared for her to hold that reason for ransom too. You can do anything you want at this point, there will be no reconciliation. She has it in her head that she wants something else that isnt you, for some reason. She knows youre hurt and is doing what she can to keep your attention the platonic way, not the romantic way. Dont let her do it if you cant handle it.

 

If you can handle talking to your friends without paying much attention to her, do it, but if it will hurt too much, you will have to disappear from that circle for a while until you recover.

How can u say no chance? Do u have a crystal ball? If I go quiet and reappear as a new and improved who has come to terms with the BU and is looking and feeling better than ever whose to say she won't be intrigued? Perhaps even have doubts/second guess...

It seems a lot of people are very quick to jump to the negative... I know I need to move on but there's always a chance

[Eddie Edirol]

How can u say no chance? Do u have a crystal ball? If I go quiet and reappear as a new and improved who has come to terms with the BU and is looking and feeling better than ever whose to say she won't be intrigued? Perhaps even have doubts/second guess...

It seems a lot of people are very quick to jump to the negative... I know I need to move on but there's always a chance

 

No there isnt. Not the way youre doing it. Plus too many people in your threads already said the same thing. I dont need a crystal ball, I have experience, Im probably twice your age and have made the same mistakes you have, much like most of the people on this board. Thats How I know. Plus at your age your ex is figuring out what kind of guy she wants, and you arent it. In addition to that, you still dont know what you did to kill her attraction for you. So as long as youre flying blind, there is no chance. How can you come back as new and improved when you dont know what you have to improve on?

Now If you go quiet and turn out new and improved, you wont want her anymore, you would have found a new woman by that time, who noticed how you are ready to go. Not only that, your ex is probably looking for a new guy right now, and when she gets him, she will stick with him, a guy who doesnt need her for a relationship that will make her work harder for his attention. You definitely wont have a chance then.

But while you are obsessing over her now, while you are in the ether, you are going to find all the reasons to want her back. If you kick back and stop contacting her, you will slowly phase out of the ether, and you will soon realize where you both went wrong and why she isnt right for you.

[Lone]

So tell me what the best thing I can do to get her back if there is any chance no matter how slight? You can't be so black and white. There is always a grey area. She hasn't lost attraction to me. I get messages from her saying how all she can do is think about sleeping with me... Please just try and give me advice that puts me in the best spot for reconcilliation. It seems like your taking pleasure out of other people's misery by being so negative

[nells87]

Nobody is taking pleasure from being negative, they are just trying to make you see the reality of the situation because you are knee deep in denial right now. Most of us have been in your situation before so we speak from experience.

 

There is nothing you can do to get her back at this point in time. If there was a foolproof way to get your ex back this forum wouldn't exist and it's even harder in your case as she still has not been totally honest with you about the reasons for the break up in the first place.

 

The more you message her the more desperate you look and girls HATE desperate guys. Any residual feelings she may have for you will be killed off the more you continue to force yourself on her so please stop.

 

As for the fact that she is still attracted to you, I'm still attracted to my ex (who dumped me btw) but I wouldn't get back with him in a million years so please don't think you can get her back through a fwb situation.

[salmagundi]

here in québec we have a saying that translates roughly as "women are like prison, if you go back, its because you learned nothing the first time."

 

I mean obviously people get back together. and sometimes it works out for the long term but i think mostly things just go to **** again only now you wasted even more of your life throwing good money after bad...

 

my ex playex a similar game with me. we broke up, then continued to have sex with her seeming to be moving toward reconciliation and me getting my hopes up. that lasted until she met someone and disappeared.

 

i realised after that she was using me as a crutch to get over me. it worked...for her...

 

what i'm saying is, rather than getting your hopes up about reconciliation and continuing to live for her, try taking a step back. ride out your breakup knowing that you will be, in a few months, where i am now. i still miss my ex but...i'm single thanks to her and there are lots of other women to date. Early in a breakup she seems like the last desirable woman on earth but thats just your broken heart f$&king with you.

 

if i were you i would leave her be while she gets herself sorted out. right now she may be confused, but that may only be because breakups hurt them too. your ex gets lonely too and who better to go to for easy sex and emotional support than the person they just dumped? it doesn't mean she wants to get back together...it just means shes feeling lonely and needy too. if you make yourself available to her she will lean on you until she can walk by herself (by leaning on someone else).

 

only if you leave her be can she confront the possibility of losing you forever. and in the meantime, while she thinks about whether she wants to step up for real, you can start healing for real. that way you will be ready for the next woman you will meet. and when you do you won't care about your ex anymore.

 

hell, you may thank her for dumping you...

[Lone]

Thanks guys. I know there is no foolproof way to get her back. I'm just asking what I can do to put me in the best position fr reconcilliation. I realise it isn't guaranteed at all but surely there is a right and wrong path to go down...

 

If just like to put myself in that position if possible.

 

As mentioned, we mix in very similar circles. I'm wondering if I should delete her from FB? Will that make her hate me and think I'm just petty and spiteful?

Will it mean there will never be a chance of us again if I do it?

 

So please give me advice on this... What should/shouldn't do to give me the best hope of getting back together further down the line?

[Jono85]

Thanks guys. I know there is no foolproof way to get her back. I'm just asking what I can do to put me in the best position fr reconcilliation. I realise it isn't guaranteed at all but surely there is a right and wrong path to go down...

 

If just like to put myself in that position if possible.

 

As mentioned, we mix in very similar circles. I'm wondering if I should delete her from FB? Will that make her hate me and think I'm just petty and spiteful?

Will it mean there will never be a chance of us again if I do it?

 

So please give me advice on this... What should/shouldn't do to give me the best hope of getting back together further down the line?

 

dude. everyone's GIVEN you plenty of advice, and you never take it. so stop asking for it unless you're going to follow it. get it?

 

everyone's said GO NC. yes delete and block her from facebook. do not goto her stupid party, your friends (if they are actual friends) will understand the obviousness of you not attending. don't go there, trying to act confident and 'unphased', it's not going to work 100%. she knows you're hurt and want a relationship. what you NEED to do, is MOVE ON. what you fail to understand is that, starting to MOVE ON will actually make you much more attractive to her, and other women as well. prove to her you don't NEED her to be happy (this is obviously what she thinks right now, and well it wouldn't be far from untrue, momentarily). the best shot you have of getting her back is actually moving on. but like you said it's NOT foolproof, nothing is. but you CANNOT change her mind. you just can't. she must figure things out on her own ("hmm Lone hasn't even contacted me in 2 months, he really is/has moved on, what did i just give up? i thought he'd be an option/backup plan for me forever, wtf!"). but this isn't a short process...do not contact her for at LEAST 3-4+ months. and to be honest, you shouldn't contact her period, if she hasn't contacted you first in that time frame. BUT even if she DOES contact you in that time frame, just IGNORE IT. unless she's apologizing and begging for you back (highly doubtful). i doubt given your history in this thread you're man enough to do any of this, but that is the set plan if you want a shot. and if she doesn't contact you wanting you back, you're in a much better spot/moved on much more than you would have if you remained in contact.

[Lone]

Jono, thank you. I mean it. This is what I needed to hear.

 

As you all obviously know this advice is solid. I hope with everything I have that I can be man enough to follow this. Lately my manliness is something I have had serious doubts over. Nothing like getting dropped to make u really question your value and presence as a man... And to make u act like a boy.

 

I will do this ok? I'm just apprehensive about the deleting off FB. I feel like if I do that she will hate me or think I'm spiteful or bitter. Or that if I do it she will just completely write me off forever... As in I'm deleting her from my life. Is this wrong to assume? Or would it have the opposite effect?

 

Like u said, she has to figure things out on her own. I just want to play what little cards I have left the best I can.

 

I really like what u said " he hasn't contacted me in two months....what did I give up?"

The thing is if I delete her off FB how will she be able to see what I'm up to and know if I've moved on?

[salmagundi]

"wise men learn from other peoples mistakes. fools don't even learn from their own"

 

you need to decide whether to be the wise man and learn from our mistakes or be the fool and join the rest of us dishing advice fools don't listen to...

[Jono85]

Jono, thank you. I mean it. This is what I needed to hear.

 

As you all obviously know this advice is solid. I hope with everything I have that I can be man enough to follow this. Lately my manliness is something I have had serious doubts over. Nothing like getting dropped to make u really question your value and presence as a man... And to make u act like a boy.

 

I will do this ok? I'm just apprehensive about the deleting off FB. I feel like if I do that she will hate me or think I'm spiteful or bitter. Or that if I do it she will just completely write me off forever... As in I'm deleting her from my life. Is this wrong to assume? Or would it have the opposite effect?

 

Like u said, she has to figure things out on her own. I just want to play what little cards I have left the best I can.

 

I really like what u said " he hasn't contacted me in two months....what did I give up?"

The thing is if I delete her off FB how will she be able to see what I'm up to and know if I've moved on?

 

1. deleting her off facebook is not that serious. trust me. it might hurt her initially, but she will understand, or might even not care, who knows. if she ever contacts you within the next few days or week or whatever, you don't need to straight up ignore her. BUT you should tell her that you want to move on and realize being friends CANNOT work while you move on. be a man here. don't let her negotiate anything or suck you back in. she's not offering a relationship so that's it. not even casual sex. it will show you're a man who has values/beliefs, and follows through on them. there are times for casual sex, but not with someone you still have feelings for and want a relationship; you're being used.

 

and remember, if/once you move on from her, lets say 6 months, a year, whatever, down the road, and she hasn't contacted you begging for you back (again the % chances of this is slim) you can always reconnect IF you feel you're good, and have been having fun/dating other girls, you're confidence is back, etc. you can add her back to facebook. no harm. but only once you're over her and can handle seeing the new guy she's currently f*cking and be ok with that.

 

2. she might not be able to see these things, although didn't you say you guys have lots of mutual friends? so can she not just check a mutual friends facebook to see your profile if she wants? secondly, who cares? this healing time is all about YOU. if you want to SHOW her the better you at some point, the time for that is later (asking her for coffee in 6 months when the feelings have faded..if by then you even think she's worth it). truth is these months won't be easy. you don't want to be preoccupied with how cool your facebook looks and worrying about how many chicks are liking your latest status update etc. this is YOU time. can't stress that enough. work on your weaknesses. become more confident in yourself. realize you can make it on your own (as you did before meeting her). she doesn't exist to you throughout this process.

 

3. this won't be easy man. i belittled your manhood previously just to emphasize how tough it can be, and how you've been making a lot of wrong moves so far, which is just shooting you in the foot. i'm in this same process right now. i'm about a month NC now. i'm determined not to reach out, or even look at her facebook for the next 5+ months or so. there's some really tough days. but overtime, your feelings start to change. i still feel pretty sh*tty many days, BUT i've reached a point where i seriously don't think i could take her back. she's started dating a new guy recently (we did break up months ago tho back in the summer) and she knows i wanted to work things out, so to me, that's it. she's getting f*cked by another guy and would rather try things with him than work on fixing us, so i doubt i can ever just let that go.

 

anyway man, gl.

[Lone]

1. deleting her off facebook is not that serious. trust me. it might hurt her initially, but she will understand, or might even not care, who knows. if she ever contacts you within the next few days or week or whatever, you don't need to straight up ignore her. BUT you should tell her that you want to move on and realize being friends CANNOT work while you move on. be a man here. don't let her negotiate anything or suck you back in. she's not offering a relationship so that's it. not even casual sex. it will show you're a man who has values/beliefs, and follows through on them. there are times for casual sex, but not with someone you still have feelings for and want a relationship; you're being used.

 

and remember, if/once you move on from her, lets say 6 months, a year, whatever, down the road, and she hasn't contacted you begging for you back (again the % chances of this is slim) you can always reconnect IF you feel you're good, and have been having fun/dating other girls, you're confidence is back, etc. you can add her back to facebook. no harm. but only once you're over her and can handle seeing the new guy she's currently f*cking and be ok with that.

 

2. she might not be able to see these things, although didn't you say you guys have lots of mutual friends? so can she not just check a mutual friends facebook to see your profile if she wants? secondly, who cares? this healing time is all about YOU. if you want to SHOW her the better you at some point, the time for that is later (asking her for coffee in 6 months when the feelings have faded..if by then you even think she's worth it). truth is these months won't be easy. you don't want to be preoccupied with how cool your facebook looks and worrying about how many chicks are liking your latest status update etc. this is YOU time. can't stress that enough. work on your weaknesses. become more confident in yourself. realize you can make it on your own (as you did before meeting her). she doesn't exist to you throughout this process.

 

3. this won't be easy man. i belittled your manhood previously just to emphasize how tough it can be, and how you've been making a lot of wrong moves so far, which is just shooting you in the foot. i'm in this same process right now. i'm about a month NC now. i'm determined not to reach out, or even look at her facebook for the next 5+ months or so. there's some really tough days. but overtime, your feelings start to change. i still feel pretty sh*tty many days, BUT i've reached a point where i seriously don't think i could take her back. she's started dating a new guy recently (we did break up months ago tho back in the summer) and she knows i wanted to work things out, so to me, that's it. she's getting f*cked by another guy and would rather try things with him than work on fixing us, so i doubt i can ever just let that go.

 

anyway man, gl.

 

Thanks again. im going to continue reading these posts over and over.

Just a question: Are you still friends with your ex on FB? You mentioned you haven't even looked at her profile...implying you are still friends with her on it?

 

She and I still have our 'couple' photos up on FB. Should i take those down as well? i assume so.

 

I really do appreciate all your advice. i dont want to be a fool as the guy above mentioned by not taking it. the thing that irks me though is a lot of it does seem very counter intuitive.

 

you mentioned how if she contacts me at some stage i should ask her to let me be while i move on... is that even months down the line. lets say she contacts me in a month or two... i cant say that because it implies that i havent moved on yet thus feeding her ego and bringing me down. shouldnt i just act like everythings fine or indifferent?

 

im just confused because she emailed me yesterday a lot of mixed messages saying how she misses me and us etc but shes not the right person for me... then saying that she doesnt want to be FWB but ten mins later texts me saying how she cant stop thinking about sleeping with me and touching me...

 

also do you think people say things to convince themselves? for example... she might say she thinks shes not the right person or this was a good idea but then she tells me how much of hard time shes having and how she doesnt know who she is or what she wants etc..

[Lone]

also just thinking... if i delete her to move on doesn't that mean it will also help her move on!? wouldnt it be better to just hide her feed and stay away from her page? that way she can still stalk me if she wanted... or is that not good?

[Jono85]

Thanks again. im going to continue reading these posts over and over.

Just a question: Are you still friends with your ex on FB? You mentioned you haven't even looked at her profile...implying you are still friends with her on it?

 

She and I still have our 'couple' photos up on FB. Should i take those down as well? i assume so.

 

I really do appreciate all your advice. i dont want to be a fool as the guy above mentioned by not taking it. the thing that irks me though is a lot of it does seem very counter intuitive.

 

you mentioned how if she contacts me at some stage i should ask her to let me be while i move on... is that even months down the line. lets say she contacts me in a month or two... i cant say that because it implies that i havent moved on yet thus feeding her ego and bringing me down. shouldnt i just act like everythings fine or indifferent?

 

im just confused because she emailed me yesterday a lot of mixed messages saying how she misses me and us etc but shes not the right person for me... then saying that she doesnt want to be FWB but ten mins later texts me saying how she cant stop thinking about sleeping with me and touching me...

 

also do you think people say things to convince themselves? for example... she might say she thinks shes not the right person or this was a good idea but then she tells me how much of hard time shes having and how she doesnt know who she is or what she wants etc..

 

1. no i haven't been facebook friends with her since we split, BUT i was creeping her facebook and it just wasn't helping things (up until day after new years no pics with guys, but just really cute photos etc and realizing her life is trucking along without me) so i blocked her last week finally and won't be unblocking for a longgg time (goal is 5+ months).

 

2. yes, def take them down. you need to start accepting it's over (even though you're heart won't really allow this acceptance for some time). i'd also get rid of all pictures on your comp, or any gifts from her etc (or store somewhere, maybe a friend or fam member who'll keep em for you and you'd be embarassed to ask to see them in the meantime). you want ZERO reminders of her at all, your mind will do this enough. last thing u need is physical reminders.

 

3. whether you act indifferent is your call. with my ex, it's different, b/c i don't really like the way she treated me post-breakup. she was very cold. i cannot pretend to act like everythings cool if she msgs me up in 2 months, i'm just going to ignore her. if she wants to reconcile or tell me she made a huge mistake, me ignoring her first few attempts will not stop her. she will keep calling upon realizing that i don't want to talk to her anymore (i never could ignore anyone let alone her, so ignoring her she'll know that she has to step up if she wants me back). that being said, with you, i'd still ignore her. why? b/c chances are strong that she will contact you within the next couple months, BUT not to get you back, but b/c she misses your friendship and attention, that's it. ignoring her will show her you're serious about moving on. SHE DUMPED YOU. she knows that's not what you wanted. she will put more effort into it if you ignore her, and you're that important to her. if she calls you out on it just simply tell her you're sorry, but you're not interested in being friends (which is true). if you act like everythings fine and indifferent you're just opening the door for a friendship again and her using you as validation/attention without wanting a relationship and you risk getting hurt all over again/going to square one. hence the term NO CONTACT (until you're over them).

 

4. don't worry about this confusion. dumpers are often confused, but you cannot change her mind or decide for her. she must come to this on her own, and right now she's EXPLICITLY said she doesn't want you as her bf anymore.

 

5. i for sure think ppl convince themselves at times. i believe my ex did too, b/c i hurt her quite a bit earlier in the relationship, multiple times (b/c i wasn't sure, not cheating or lying or anything bad) and i know there's a big part of her scared to try things again b/c she explicitly told me in one of our last convos while balling her eyes out that she just couldn't trust me (my feelings) and i'm so up and down. i think that WAS the reason she probably lost her attraction/feelings way back in the summer, but imo she knows i was totally in love with her/fought for her for months (stupidly...but only b/c i had a big part in the collapse of the relationship) and that i was sure, it's just her feelings had left already and it was too late. ANYway, yes i do think ppl convince themselves, BUT, like i said, u cannot change their mind. they need to realize it themselves to work out/be organic, otherwise they'll come back b/c of guilt or sympathy, or something silly. just leave her alone, trust me.

[Jono85]

also just thinking... if i delete her to move on doesn't that mean it will also help her move on!? wouldnt it be better to just hide her feed and stay away from her page? that way she can still stalk me if she wanted... or is that not good?

 

just delete her man. like i said, u don't want to be preoccupied worrying about everything u do on facebook. u just don't. u also don't want to be tempted to look her up...which will happen. secondly, like i said, she can check ur page if she wants (even if u block and delete her, through other ppl, or even creating another account). lastly, if she moves on b/c she's not constantly reminded of you, was the love really that strong?? u disappearing might make her very curious where u have gone and what ur up to. she might hate it that she can't keep an eye on ur life and what ur up to. this isn't a bad thing at all.

[Lone]

Whats the difference between deleting and blocking? Wouldnt it be better to just delete so they can see you've deleted them then if they add you, you can just let it sit? blocking means there will be no trace of you whatsoever.

 

also if i delete/block her she wont be able to see ive taken the photos of us down?

 

Ok so if she does contact me I will ignore it unless she gives me something that suggests she's considering coming back. Ive just deleted all our messages and her number. Do you really think she will put more effort in if i ignore her? act as though i dont want anything to do with her? she wont just shrug her shoulders and go o well,.

 

it sounds like your doing well Jono. im glad to hear it. one thing: if she does come back to you wanting to reconcile are you sure you just want to ignore her first few attempts? maybe she will read into that and just give up? for example if she came on here and posted about it everyone would probably tell her to go NC and MOVE ON. feel me?

[Jono85]

Whats the difference between deleting and blocking? Wouldnt it be better to just delete so they can see you've deleted them then if they add you, you can just let it sit? blocking means there will be no trace of you whatsoever.

 

also if i delete/block her she wont be able to see ive taken the photos of us down?

 

Ok so if she does contact me I will ignore it unless she gives me something that suggests she's considering coming back. Ive just deleted all our messages and her number. Do you really think she will put more effort in if i ignore her? act as though i dont want anything to do with her? she wont just shrug her shoulders and go o well,.

 

it sounds like your doing well Jono. im glad to hear it. one thing: if she does come back to you wanting to reconcile are you sure you just want to ignore her first few attempts? maybe she will read into that and just give up? for example if she came on here and posted about it everyone would probably tell her to go NC and MOVE ON. feel me?

 

blocking her is for YOU. trust me you will cave and look at her FB if you don't and u will feel like sh*t. you will cave. for the other part, like i said, she can easily look at ur facebook if she wants to even if u block her. but if u really care so much about her looking often at ur profile, sure just delete her.

 

she might shrug her shoulders, then why in the hell do u want her back? she obv doesn't care for u that much then. this whole NC thing isn't to necessarily get her to come back, as in it will work. we've said that. but it's ur best chance at both moving on, AND her becoming curious and having 2nd thoughts.

 

no i meant if she comes back say calling me up. i'll ignore. she'll likely wait a week or two, try again, maybe a "hey how are you?" text. ignore. then maybe a month later she can't take it anymore and starts calling repeatedly, leaving i miss you voicemails, asking me to talk. THEN, maybe i'll entertain her. but as i say, i'm not sure i even want her back at this point, b/c she put me through a lott of pain leaving me. not sure i can just let that go.