SunsetRed Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 My most recent first date w a guy I had met online, creeped me out. We had talked on the phone once or twice before meeting and we seemed to have enough in common to go out, so I took a chance on him. The beginning of the date wasn't bad. We had less in common that I had expected, but he seemed polite w good manners and I like getting to know new people. Well, the end of the date was what blew it for me. I was foolish enough to let him pick me up at my house so of course, he had to drop me off at my place when the date was over. Very Stupid, I know, esp for a guy I'd met online. So, he leans in for what I think is going to be a polite first kiss/good nite kiss and before my lips can even part, he's shoving his tongue forcefully into my mouth. I pulled away and he puts his hand on the back of my head with his fingers reaching to my cheeks and attempts to push my head closer to his. He sort of forced a few more tongue kisses on me as I grimaced and pushed him away. I wish I'd thought of the right thing to say but all I could say was "hey, that's enough for a first date." I used some energy to pull away and went inside. He called later and asked why I didn't warm up to him and I just said that I realized I was ready to date yet, used a non existent break up as an excuse. I didn't know how to tell him what a sucky kisser he is. How could a man in his 40's think its ok to just shove a tongue down a woman on the very first kiss? Was he a bad kisser or something more..like a violating dumbass. His touches felt too domineering to me, like on the level of date rape. So, for me, this type of kissing is a huge deal breaker. There wont be a second date because I definetly don't want to be alone w him if this is how he acts during a good nite kiss in the doorway. Don't most people use kissing as an indicator of how other aspects of a relationship might work out?
weee111 Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 I'd let a bad first kiss slide...but not if it was THAT bad. 2
todreaminblue Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 I think an appropriate first date kiss is a warm smiling mouth, soft lips, no tongue, and repeat if it was good enough , not long drawn out but a mere hint of possibility......i am a good kisser ....and i can teach....but if a guy goes for a hard grope with his mouth because that is what it feels like...invasive and unwarranted....ill say something straight up.....if it was nerves or just general non caring attitude that im faced with after a grope and i will know by what they say to me........i would go no repeats on that subscription....and nice to have met you but.....you are not right for me...too quick slick.....i like to take it slow you know...so then i look like a female cat in the hat and they are glad to get rid of me...ill poem them silly....smilin.......deb 1
zebracolors Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Yes, kissing as a means of courtship should not be underestimated. Its a very intimate act of trust and just like touching, too much on the first date can be very uncomfortable for a woman at least. I've experienced this recently myself, it was technically the second date, and how over complimentary he was should have given me a clue. But the first time I let him kiss me, it was very invasive, shoving his tongue in and all. That was the last straw and I had to let him go. That does make me curious if men can feel the same way if a woman tries it on the first date. Or are men wired so different that it generally wouldn't make them uncomfortable? 1
Lani Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Oh goodness... that sounds awful! I'd be completely put off by that, and then also the fact that he asked about it afterwards makes me a bit squeemish. Perhaps you should tell him, for the greater good of womankind! 2
Pasttense Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 I think the OP mis-described this: it is a case of sexual aggression, not bad kissing. A lot of people don't know how to kiss well, with them you can educate them. But this is a case of sexual aggression--and I think it somewhat possible a further date could lead to date rape.
suladas Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Yes, kissing as a means of courtship should not be underestimated. Its a very intimate act of trust and just like touching, too much on the first date can be very uncomfortable for a woman at least. I've experienced this recently myself, it was technically the second date, and how over complimentary he was should have given me a clue. But the first time I let him kiss me, it was very invasive, shoving his tongue in and all. That was the last straw and I had to let him go. That does make me curious if men can feel the same way if a woman tries it on the first date. Or are men wired so different that it generally wouldn't make them uncomfortable? I've had a women do it to me on a first date and I didn't mind at all, actually ended up making out for about 2 hours at my place. Then again, it's only ok if you are both into each other. We knew each other quite a bit prior to the date so it's nothing like a OLD first date when you have only known the person for a few hours, we knew each other for about a year. If it was a OLD first date, I would only be ok with it if I was really into her, even then I would likely think it was pretty quick. For a first date that went well i'd perfer just a normal no tongue kiss.
todreaminblue Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Yes, kissing as a means of courtship should not be underestimated. Its a very intimate act of trust and just like touching, too much on the first date can be very uncomfortable for a woman at least. I've experienced this recently myself, it was technically the second date, and how over complimentary he was should have given me a clue. But the first time I let him kiss me, it was very invasive, shoving his tongue in and all. That was the last straw and I had to let him go. That does make me curious if men can feel the same way if a woman tries it on the first date. Or are men wired so different that it generally wouldn't make them uncomfortable? Honestly i think most men would find it uncomfortable to have a woman shove their tongue down their throat when they were just on a first date....but i am not a man....i havent ever done it to a guy, a guy normally goes in for a kiss with me, I have stolen a kiss, but i was going out with the guy at the time....and it wasnt a groping saliva soaked fest...just an unexpected kiss....i think tongue kissing less is always more......deb
CptObvious Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 I'd press charges. A strikeout THAT BAD has to be a crime in most states.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 He was obviously too aggressive for you. Personally, I think touch should be used first to ascertain readiness for possible kissing. It doesn't hurt if a girl will not take my hand and it let's me know it ain't happening. Leading with my mouth much less tongue is something I would never do.
sweetkiwi Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 I am very particular about kissing. A good kiss is like a dance. You may know the steps but you MUST follow anothers cues. I will, and have, dumped guys who were bad kissers. I dont have time to teach someone how to kiss. And with the guy the OP is describing, i think that yes, he has very little respect If he's trying to tongue-fhuck you and you were pushing him away. This happened to me just a few weeks ago but with an older "friend". He kissed me so aggressively with tooooo much tongue i thought maybe he was trying to clean my tonsils. Gross. And after I stopped calling him he AGGRESSIVELY insisted I go out with him. I had no invitation prior. He simply showed up to my house and TOLD me I was going out with him. Nope. I didn't. Not in the mood for more slobber sandwiches. Or a domineering man.
sillyanswer Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Don't most people use kissing as an indicator of how other aspects of a relationship might work out? I doubt it, but bad kissing or overly aggressive and unwanted first-date kissing both seem like reasonable deal-breakers. On the other hand, at least you're not left there wondering if he's interested.
Author SunsetRed Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 I think the OP mis-described this: it is a case of sexual aggression, not bad kissing. A lot of people don't know how to kiss well, with them you can educate them. But this is a case of sexual aggression--and I think it somewhat possible a further date could lead to date rape. Date rape is what I'm afraid of. Its not just bad kissing, its aggression that turns me off. I left out some stuff in my first post, like how he held my arms too tight when trying to hug me and when I shrugged him off, he didn't get my body language, he tried to hold me tighter until I said really loud "I'm ready for our date to be over." No miscommunication there, in case he were to try and follow me into my house. He did call me again and stated that I needed " his help to loosen up" and that "he'd never do anything that I didn't deep down want him to do." I tremble at the thought of ever being alone w him. Again, we met online, which adds to the creepiness of all this.
soccerrprp Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Yuck. Sorry about that. I've had the privilege of french-kissing most of the ladies i've dated on the first date. The kisses were always lead by a soft kiss to the lips w/o tongue and delicate probing, then when it's clear she is receptive, I use my tongue. Kissing is very high up there for me. If you're a bad kisser, not an immediate deal-breaker, but something to be a little concerned about. I dated a woman who seemed way too passive while kissing and I let her know what I liked and what to do. That resolved it. I don't have rules about french-kissing on the first date. If it feels good to both, do it! And if there is very good chemistry, I ALWAYS ASK IF I MAY KISS HER BEFORE MAKING ANY MOVE!
Feelin Frisky Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 ... I ALWAYS ASK IF I MAY KISS HER BEFORE MAKING ANY MOVE! Cool. And always say "may". Some women hate t be asked though. It's some kind of secret chick thing.
soccerrprp Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Cool. And always say "may". Some women hate t be asked though. It's some kind of secret chick thing. Hey, FF, I've heard that before and have even been counseled to just be a man and go in for the kiss, but NEVER met a lady that was turned-off by my asking first. In fact, NEVER had a lady even say "you don't need to ask (me)." So, not certain what all that is about....
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