Time Apart becasue of my lack of anger managment!!

[varactor]

This is my story

 

I have been dating my girlfriend for a little over 4 years, we would have arguments like any couple, but ocassionally we would get into bad fights becasue of me generally, and it would get physically, basically i would keep pressing the right buttons until i cause her to snap and go after me, not intentionally, after she would go after me i would either push her back of pin her down to stop i never punched her or anything of that nature, and i am not justifying my actions i am wrong period. we would after a couple hours talk it over appologize and fix it, we have been living togther for almost those four years as well. 2 years ago, we got into a bad fight, not physical, and i apologized and i relaized my problem was anger, i had a short fused temper, so i bought a book, read it and over the years got better. Last year we got into a physical fight, and i promised her i would see professional help if i could afford it or when i goto njit becasue my community college didnt have the recources. but i had gotten a lot better own my own and we had a great summer and a couple weeks ago just got back from the bahamas, everything seemed perfect

 

9 days ago, i was stressed about work, was having a real hard time, had to get up early and i started drinking, heavily, i mean really heavy. it broke down that barrier to control my temper, and didnt even know it, she had promised me she would be quick to get coffee and take a shower and goto bed early with me. she took over an hour and halk and wasnt answer my calls, drunk me, when she got home did not believe her story and i threw my phone towards her, she threw it at me, i got up and pushed her down , and pulled her hair, the most scumbag thing i ever did im my life. the next day she came over with a friend and her mother and sister and packed up her things while they waited outside, i helped her with the heavy things. She told me we need time apart and that she will contact me. she gave me the cell phone i gave her back, i gave it to her friend and told them to make sure she gets it.

 

I called that night in tears, upset and frantic. she called me back the next day, told me she needs time, she dosent want to see me right now and will call me the next day, she called me the next day and told me she needs time and that we are apart right now, before she had called me i called njit which i am just transfering to and set up an appointment for a psychologist. and i told her about it, she told me she needs time and not to call her or see her, she will not be able to handle it, i told her that i will respect your wishes and not call you, and told her to call me when she is ready our final words where goodnight and i love you.

 

we have been very much in love, and have had no problems other than my temper. i have an appointment with a paychologist on monday and i am going in there to change my life for the better with or without her and will do it as long as it takes, it is what i have to do and took to long to do it, but now i have the ability to do it.

 

i hope that she will believe that i would n ever do anything like this again, i was abused as a child, she knows this, i had a horrible 12years childhood before my father got custody, it was hell most i blocked out. i was lucky all i got out of that was a bad temper. i never ment to hurt her, i just couldnt think!! i want to fix that problem more than ever, this last week without talking to her has been murder, we have done so much for each other, i just recently fixed her car so she can sell it, it took all summer, i lent her money for the down paymernt for her new car, and made sure she had new glasses.

 

i know she loves me, im in such pain, i have learned my lesson so hard core, i have been able to not contact her still to this day, and i have no intenetion of making a move untill i see the psychologist on monday,

 

 

do you guys think there is hope for a second chance?? any suggestions on how to deal with the pain, ache. i love her so much, and beyond sorry, i hope she believes that i can never do this again, i learned my lesson! be honest be harsh, i want to be a better person opinions are welcomed

[varactor]

P.S. i am just starting at njit and there services are now just available to me and i have vowed to quit drinking too