Lost kitten Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 ...and he said he misses me and our life. Yet, he refuses to give things a second chance or even talk about the details and reasons why he's so convinced we're terrible for one another. He's shut himself off from people who love us both, most importantly, his own family members. Anyone who would give him solid advice, and who has loved and supported him honestly, he's tuned out. We both have some of our demons we needed to conquer - he needed to be less passive, I needed to be less pushy and bossy. I feel strongly that, given the chance after this split, we'd be able to make it through this. Why is he behaving like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Own Worst Enemy Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 he said the same thing. and i believe he means it, quite passionately in fact. but not enough to actually do something about it. which essentially means his words are only spelling out "b.u.l.l.s.h.1.t." i think the only thing you can do is what i am doing: implement NC and stick to it. if he wants to come back and try to make an effort, then you can try. and if he doesn't, well, NC will have helped you take a massive step to not giving a stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 I'm in the same place! He "will always love me" and "wanted to marry and have kids with me" but doesn't think we are meant to be right now even though all it would've taken is real effort on both of our parts. We love each other and know the problems, which are very fixable. Drives me nuts that he has given up! Time away will either make him realize and he'll come back, or I will move on. Either way, I'm doing as many positive things for myself in the meantime. Why are you still in contact with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lost kitten Posted January 7, 2013 Author Share Posted January 7, 2013 I'm in the same place! He "will always love me" and "wanted to marry and have kids with me" but doesn't think we are meant to be right now even though all it would've taken is real effort on both of our parts. We love each other and know the problems, which are very fixable. Drives me nuts that he has given up! Time away will either make him realize and he'll come back, or I will move on. Either way, I'm doing as many positive things for myself in the meantime. Why are you still in contact with him? We live together. He's spent the past 2 months at his parents house, nearby, but he's still paying half of the rent. I'm leaving next week. We've had to talk about a lot of things, including living situation, dividing up our things, and cancelling wedding plans and returning gifts. I dont know what to say or do to get him to realize it's not too late. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 We live together. He's spent the past 2 months at his parents house, nearby, but he's still paying half of the rent. I'm leaving next week. We've had to talk about a lot of things, including living situation, dividing up our things, and cancelling wedding plans and returning gifts. I dont know what to say or do to get him to realize it's not too late. Oh wow.. I didn't realize you are engaged. Where are you leaving to? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lost kitten Posted January 7, 2013 Author Share Posted January 7, 2013 I'm moving to a new neighborhood, where I lived before we got serious. I moved to the neighborhood he grew up in and lived his whole life. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 UGH - so sorry to hear this is happening to you. I went through something similar http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/351634-dumpee-once-again-but-i-feel-like-there-glimmer-hope We were engaged, started making wedding plans then he decided he wasn't "in love" with me and needed to be independent. At first it was EXTREMELY difficult, but I let him go and gave him space. He was still confused. I gave him 2 weeks without talking to eachother for him to figure out WTF he wanted. As it turns out, he does want to be with me and does love me....and things have been pretty great the past few months. We don't live together and are not engaged, but I am perfectly fine with this arrangement as it is. Anyway, I think you need to give him space. Let him do what he thinks is best for him. If it is meant to be, he will be back. Calling off the engagement, although difficult, is best right now. You wouldn't want to be going through this AFTER you got married would you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lost kitten Posted January 7, 2013 Author Share Posted January 7, 2013 The thing thats so hard, is that he said he's doing this now "because he can", because if we had gotten married he wouldnt have left. I'm not sure if thats a comfort or not. It's like the commitment we made to each other meant nothing. As for our dating history: I'm 30. He's 29. We've both had our fair share of heartbreak and relationships. We made certain we were always on the same page, which is why this came out of NOWHERE. Hes claiming "It was hard at first, but hes getting better each day". I truly believe that because he hasn't been at our apartment and faced with the reality of hte situation, it hasnt hit him. Link to post Share on other sites
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