Female teachers and sex with students

[crude]

Funny you should mention it, i was on my way back to edit my above post and add this :

?Sexy substitute? gets no jail time

 

At least the judge was honest in this, but after that, he let another one go free ... from the same school. o.0

 

 

That's an old story. Fortunately more and more judges are women, and more females are getting jail sentences just like men.

[MrWindupBird]

I think men find it difficult to relate to these stories. As a strapping young buck in junior high or high school, there were a few teachers I would have given anything to have been with. One in particular used to show some of us boys her lower back tattoo. She was a regular sub. I still remember ten years later.

 

So when I read the stories, my experience clouds my judgement. I have an inherited bias. In one case of these woman teachers being with students, I remember honestly feeling a little drop of envy. Nothing that ruined my day of course, but I would not have minded that experience for sure.

 

But as a somewhat responsible adult, I know it's wrong. A child should never be preyed upon by a adult—even if it feels good and enhances the victim's self-esteem.

 

I think the difference between perceptions is often rooted in the perception of advantage between the pairings of 'older man vs young girl' as opposed to 'older woman vs young boy'. Maybe it's the physical reality that most middle school age boys can fend off the average adult woman if necessary, and the gendered opposites cannot usually be said. The potential coupling with violence and reproduction is fascinating to me.

 

I think if I had a teenage son who this happened to, I find it alarming that I wouldn't even be necessarily outraged. I feel like I'd be more perplexed. I feel like I'd want to look at the woman and say 'Why would you do that?' And I certainly wouldn't blame my son. That would make me a hypocrite. I worry that it's some deep-rooted non-respect toward women that I don't find them a threat under any real circumstances. I don't know.

 

But if a man was to prey on a daughter, I would probably kill them. I've been to war, and I know the gravity of that mindset, and I feel like I would probably kill them. Maybe that roots from a dormant understanding of the male/female roles in a relationship, particularly in a sexual relationship, despite me trying as best I can to avoid those modalities of thinking when applied to my own life. Maybe I feel that as a man I assert myself on a woman when going to that place—even without trying to or wanting to admit as much.

 

It's baffling to me. The difference is so stark and real, but I know as an open-minded and equality-focused individual, it shouldn't be. There's my paradox. I should ponder on it for a while...

[Clockwork]

I guess it is more newsworthy which is why we here about it. Do newspapers try to attract male or female readers? You be the judge on that one, but I'm going to say male readers. Therefore a story about a 16 year old boy nailing his 30 year old teacher is news.

 

Not to mention, a boy is going to brag about it till the cows come home. A girl won't because there is a stigma on the girl for having sex with an older married teacher. A boy will tell all his friends and eventually this stuff gets back to another teacher, a parent, etc. This is also why you see it more in the news.

[Taramere]

Not to mention, a boy is going to brag about it till the cows come home. A girl won't because there is a stigma on the girl for having sex with an older married teacher. A boy will tell all his friends and eventually this stuff gets back to another teacher, a parent, etc. This is also why you see it more in the news.

 

Yes. It strikes me that the slut (female) v player (male) double standard continues to be employed very enthusiastically in society. "Men do, women get done etc etc" until it comes to the matter of teachers involved in sexual abuse of children. Then, the same people who are normally more than happy to employ double standards will often shapeshift into the rigorous "guardians of sexual equality" to borrow a phrase from Notes on a Scandal (by Zoe Heller). NOAS is a great work of fiction on this subject, btw.

 

 

In that work, it's very much along the lines of "the boy wasn't harmed by the actual affair, which he pursued very proactively. What he was harmed by was the scandal and the fall-out from it". Perhaps (though this was hinted at rather than explored very thoroughly) a vague sense of guilt because this was a situation (and a woman) he had actively pursued, and suddenly he was portrayed as a victim for the purposes of gender politics.

 

Some of the gender politicians might be staunch feminists, or just women with a strongly misogynistic streak associated with envy and competitiveness towards other women. Less concerned with truth and cautious analysis of specific situations, more concerned with proving themselves as ready to crucify women as they are to crucify men for getting involved with under-agers. Though in practice, as others have said, there tends to be far more media attention surrounding the situations involving female teachers.

 

Others would be militant men's rights activists who see their activism as a sort of revenge against feminism, and life itself as a constant contest to defame or be defamed. Then there are those who are drawn to the entire trainwreck element of a grown woman who has sex with teenage boys....and want to rationalise their interest as child protection concerns.

 

Notes on a Scandal is a great examination of those dynamics, and a scathing attack on, that combination of the prurient interest and faux outrage the media generates about those stories...feeding off a silent agreement to make a pretence of gender equality for the purposes of selling more newspapers. However, in NOAS the boy is an extroverted "lad" who is more than equipped to deal with - and ultimately dismiss - an affair with an older woman.

 

The Reader did a different, more thoughtful from the boy's perspective study. In that case he was a very rounded, empathic sort of character rather than this two dimensional "lad". The Reader highlighted the way in which he was controlled and manipulated by an older woman who he had sex with but also fell in love with. The abuse was very much emotional in its nature, and very destructive - though the book was written so well that you the reader could see just how abusive it was, but the boy continually failed to and preserved this sense of loyalty towards the woman, despite all sorts of other terrible revelations about her.

 

I think both books have a strong ring of truth about them. There is no doubt that a certain sort of person driven more by misogyny and a desire to wage gender wars will seize almost gloatingly on these female teacher/schoolboy stories. Then it isn't really about the child any more. It's about seizing a trophy female teacher head that can be brandished triumphantly twice. Once by the lad who managed to shag an attractive young teacher that he and the other boys had spent a term pornifying, and again by those who are driven by gender politics rather than by any genuine interest in protecting children.

 

The real abuse, I think, is when you have a situation where a boy actually falls in love with an older woman and she's using his feelings to control a situation that he doesn't have the emotional maturity or power to cope with. Along, perhaps, the lines that Mrlonelyone is discussing.

Edited January 17, 2013 by Taramere

[Mrlonelyone]

The real abuse, I think, is when you have a situation where a boy actually falls in love with an older woman and she's using his feelings to control a situation that he doesn't have the emotional maturity or power to cope with. Along, perhaps, the lines that Mrlonelyone is discussing.

 

 

Yes/no. I can't say I ever felt "love" for her, not even as I thought of it at the time. I did care for her...but I could not help but feel guilty as she had a husband. I could not help but feel ashamed since, in practice I couldn't tell anyone about the fact I'd actually had sex, and a sort of girlfriend. (People who did not know about my secret bisexual sex life used to tease me for being a virgin.)

 

I hated that everyone else could walk and hold hands with the one they cared about. I hated that I never had a date to the dance unless I wanted to chat with one of the chaperons, that teacher. I really hated, as the books you read said, the secrecy.

 

The fact that your in a relationship that has to be a big huge secret is what makes it feel bad.

[Seductive]

How a grown woman can look at a teenage boy as anything other than a kid is beyond me. So gross. Even if he looks like a man, a 17 yr old still has the mentality of basically a kid, someone who's never actually lived in the real world. I can only see that being attractive to a woman who REALLY needs some validation and who is really immature herself.

 

and I'm pretty sure men teachers usually get the harsher end of the stick on this than women teachers do. Men are looked at as more predatory in this situation where the woman is just looked as kinda pathetic I think.

 

 

Exactly. I don't excuse men or women in this situation. I think men and women that feel the need to date or have sex with someone much younger than them are children and adolescents themselves mentally.

 

Look at how some of these 60 year old pedos are. They are like 5 year olds.