My boyfriend/fiance tried to break up with me last night, he is a much older man..

[blindf0lds]

I have been in a relationship with a man 17 years older than me for about a year and a half. We seriously have a wonderful relationship and get along great despite the age difference. I have been in between his house and my house for the last 6 months or so. Lately, we have been arguing almost every other day over ridiculous crap that explodes into screaming matches. Last night after a lovely dinner, we started "fixing" an argument we had earlier and established the guidelines so that it won't happen again. Our problem is that we suck at arguing...definitely due to our experience difference. Of course, this "fixing" blew over into another argument where he ended up breaking little things in the house, threatened to call the cops on me, and tried to force me to leave our house. He went into his room for a couple minutes, he came out much calmer, and then insisted we break up and are incompatible. He told me that I'm going to kill him of a heart attack one way or the other due to the stress I cause him. And to be completely honest, I don't think it's me he's stressed about. He has father issues, and he's been alone for so long, and hurt so much, that he always thinks I'm attacking him and ready for defense. Every little thing I say he almost instantly thinks I'm trying to bring him down. Very hard to explain unless someone has been in a situation with a sensitive man like I am. He kept telling me to leave and gather my things over the next few days, but of course I kept insisting that it would not be a smart thing to do. I should also mention that he is (or was) supposed to propose to me in about a month. The ring is sitting upstairs in the bedroom.

 

It got to the point where he just sat down on his couch and I was able to go about my routine. He didn't say anything to me, but at one point he did use our cutsie voice for a split second. He did go upstairs without saying goodnight (and quite early), but didn't lock the doors (which always is a sign he wants me to seriously go away) so I was able to get in bed when I was ready.

 

My question is, should I stop freaking out over the breakup comments? Is the fact that he was able to still be around me and let me stay in the house a sign that everything is going to be okay? We have had only ONE major argument that ended up like this before, and he locked me out of all his rooms and would freak out if I tried to talk to him even days later. However, he has never threatened a breakup before. How should I take this? Thanks in advance.

[Balzac]

Welcome to LS.

 

I'm astounded that when asked to vacate his home you refused. It's clear you own a home.

 

I'm not sure what positives you gain from 18 months of this style of relationship.

 

No way is a marriage a good idea.

[veggirl]

You have only been together for a year and a half and you have almost daily screaming matches. Why do you think it would be a good idea to marry this man? you guys don't even GET ALONG!

 

I think you should go back to your place and you guys should break up and you should both be with people you don't get into screaming matches with! I've been with my bf for the same amount of time as you've been with him...we have not had one screaming match, ever. It's not normal what you are putting up with in this relationship.

[stillafool]

Maybe the stress he feels is because he doesn't want to get married. If I were you and someone asked me to leave their house I would be gone before he could end the sentence. You definitely should have gone home and leave him alone until he contacts you again.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I'm sorry, but I almost laughed when you said you have a "seriously wonderful relationship" immediately followed by "screaming matches nearly every other day."

 

Not wonderful. Terrible.

 

You said at first that you're going back and forth between your two homes, and later said he tried to force you to leave "our" house. Which is it, your home in common, or his? If it's his, LEAVE and go home. If it's your home, start NOW making arrangements to find new living arrangements.

 

The fact that he is "able to still be around" you does not mean that you ought to continue this destructive relationship. He's right, you need to break up.

[TigerCub]

wait..what??

 

Guy wants to break up

Guy asks you to leave

 

so... you stay .... and you take the fact that he didn't lock his door as a sign that you're all good?

 

really?

 

You're like that crazy girl in Seinfeld that felt that both people in the relationship need to "turn their key" (like in a submarine nuke launch) to actually end a relationship

 

Why would you hang around if he tried to politely kick you out of the house and break up with you - what would make you actually want to stay??

I so don't get that....

[Turtles]

Omg... this sounds so much like my ex wife it's scary. She was much older than me, too. Highly sensitive, hurt about her past, liked to break things when upset, etc etc.

 

1.5 year is not THAT long of an investment... and since you have a house it doesn't sound like you are depending on him, so unless you really LOVE drama, if I were you I would gracefully accept this as life's learning experience and say good bye while it's still relatively easy...

 

Good luck