djones Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 Hey Guys, Like most of you all here I have been dumped and I noticed that the range of a realtionship prior to the breakup can be from 4months to 9 years. The end result in all of these relationship is the same feelings of heartbreak, anger, wanting to be with our ex, sadness etc. I am just wondering how come we dont see in some cases the breakup coming? In somecases you have the 2 people talking about haveing a future together ie living togethr, getting married, having kids etc....then literally the next day the world comes crashing down on you when you get the news that your BF/GF wants to end things with you....Why lets say God's hand in this or fate or whatever you believe in allows you to go through this for example why could not the person who was in a realtionship for 9 yrs not know this in the 1st week of knowing the person...I just dont see the point in hurting....Like the mental and physical pain one endures from a break up usually the dumpee...I have heard people say that just remember the good times and take that with you...well thats fine, but no relationship is perfect what about the bad times, shouldnt 2 people supossedly who care for each other stick it out? I hate feeling like this sad, depressed, hurt etc....and yes time heals all wounds but, what about the next person you meet how do you know they will not hurt you the same way....what does the "one" supposed to feel like? I thought I had the "one" and now I am heartbroken.... Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 I have asked all your questions before while eating Haggen daas and watching re-runs of sex and the city and I have come to this conclusion... I believe that god puts people in our path for a specific reason. We are with someone to either learn a lesson or teach them one. We may need that specific person at that time or they might need us. Once we learn w/e it is we need to or our purpose with that person is complete we move on. It could take a month...it could take 9 years. About the bad times those either bring you closer or separate you thats what I have always believed. You stick it out if you love someone till you can't anymore and if it doesn't work accept the fact that god has other plans and you just have to be open to recieve them. As for knowing when you have found the 'one' Can't help you there.. I haven't met him yet..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted August 19, 2004 Author Share Posted August 19, 2004 Thanks, I never thought of it that way, we learn something or the other person does it may take like you said a month or 9 yrs...I wonder then what you learn in marriage Ie like long commitment.....as for the "one" hehe so far no one has given me that answer!! life is funny I guess i will have to be open to recieve what God has planned for me....it would be nice if i got a heads up from the big guy!.... Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 Yeah lol. I wish my guy was just wearing a shirt that said "Yes It's me I'm the one" It wouldmake life sooo much easier lol! Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 Pain is a good teacher. But, don't get bitter, drjones. Keep your chin up. Please keep us posted on how you're doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted August 19, 2004 Author Share Posted August 19, 2004 EC and Yellowlioness, Yeah I sure could use a sign, I need one that says "look stupid I am the one for you!" my "gut" does not seem to be working right! .....I will keep you guys posted...i am here everyday since i was dumped...I am still hurting like you all, but am getting a little better every day...I try not to get bitter....just have been getting a huge sting of bad luck for about 5 years (no joke) and I am just getting angry and upset, I just feel that this break up was "the straw that broke the camels back" I get angry at God and faith, I just start wondering if I did something wrong to tick him off.... Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 Well, he DID test Job quite a bit. Before I met my current BF, I went through some sh*t. Really really bad sh*t. Like, I got pregnant and lost a baby, and the guy thought I made it up to "keep" him; I got raped in my sleep by another boyfriend (he was an older man), oh, its a whole host of things, really. Now, I'm with someone really nice. It just takes some crap so that you appreciate goodness when you see it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted August 19, 2004 Author Share Posted August 19, 2004 hehe yeah he tested Job quite a bit... I am sorry to hear that you went through some bad [email protected] real happy to hear that you found someone to treat you right. I guess everyone has to go through some pain and torment before they see the good.....But I am sure all of us here appriecates any good that comes along...everyone abviously cares enough to help each other out on this forum...so I dont think we are all deserving of the sh@t most of us has gone through.....I guess it just makes us stronger in the end...hopefully we will never have to draw upon that strength with a new realtionship...it just flows with out a hitch...atleast i hope thats how it should be with ones "one" Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 I'm so sorry yellow. Like I said before love hasn't been kind to me either. My other ex the one before the one you know about well its such a sad story. I posted kinda on it a long time ago. But too make a long story short, he was young, handsome and he came from bulgaria. He hardly knew english and his mother sent him to america to live with his father (which he never met). The father was a truck driver who was never home and treated him like ****. He would drink all the time and leave him for weeks without food or anything. I met him and he fell in love with me and we had a nice relationship. I would spend all my money on clothes for him and making sure he had something to eat. We went through a lot. It was like something out of the movies. One day I was robbed at gunpoint and he saved my life. He was never as happy as he was with me. I unfortunately took advantage of his love I figured he would always be there. I broke up with him and he cried every single night to me on the phone and it would break my heart. I left him because my whole family was telling me there was no future there and that the relationship wasnt good for my health due to the constant worrying. I wasn't in love with him but I loved him. About a month after I broke up with him we were still friends and I continued to hang out with him because he was really depressed and his dad kicked him out and he was living on a bench. Till his 'friends' took him in and a week later his 'friends' stabbed him over a radio and he died. He was murdered and the guys in jail. True story I swear you can look it up it was all over the news. Thats when I questioned god and his methods and I hated the world. But thats when I realizd that I was with dean for a reason. He taught me things and I taught him how to love. I still think about him and I miss him alot and thats a blow that I will never forget. But life goes on. You may hear me repeat that life is short well thats why. I hear all these break up stories and how they want to die and commit suicide because their gf/bf cheated on them...It saddens me. They have no idea what real pain is. But anyways..after much counseling I'm ok and I'm open to love again and I'm just waiting for the one. Link to post Share on other sites
aFighter Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 I put it down to "Pillow talk, without the pillow". Some people are just full of .... and drag you through a relationship before they finally tell it like it is AFTER they've used you Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted August 19, 2004 Author Share Posted August 19, 2004 EC, Wow that must have been hard for you...I dont know how you do it to find the good out of every situation.... Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 Yeah thats not even the whole story tried to keep it short ... But I went through a lot of pain. Didn't leave my room for two whole months. But I have a good family, loving friends and some counseling helped as well. And the fact of knowing that he is in a better place now makes me happier because he was miserable here. My family though I don't think I could've made it without them. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 http://www.local10.com/news/3246732/detail.html The story that was in the news... I remember not even being able to say his name and now reading the story and talking about it made me want to look it up. I'm still getting over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted August 19, 2004 Author Share Posted August 19, 2004 EC, Thats good you got familly support it helps.....You know what we are all friggin due for something good to us all...I hope it is soon!!!... About an hour ago, I was studying and all of the sudden I got this rush of lonelyness and sadness, desperation...I just felt like I need to call/e-mail my ex...I just felt lost....But I did not call or e-mail...I stopped myself.....it was hard...I miss her Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 Why did you guys break up? Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 Wow! That's a HECK of a story! YOu're a strong girl for pulling through and still having your bubbly personality. I'm really sorry for you ex. That's horribly sad. I don't know really what to say to comfort you, but if I knew the right words I'd be typing them in now. As for me, yeah, life sucks sometimes. Sometimes, people do bad things to you even when you try to be a good person. But, I am working on being stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
frogprinz29 Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 I'm sorry that you all have experienced such tragedies and sorrows. As for myself, I don't know if there is such an entity as "God". I'm very confused on the matter of "His" existance, but I'll save my comments and questions for a different thread category. I must confess that when things are great, I thank "Someone/Something", and when things are terrible, I bitch at "Someone/Something". I believe that god puts people in our path for a specific reason. We are with someone to either learn a lesson or teach them one. We may need that specific person at that time or they might need us. Once we learn w/e it is we need to or our purpose with that person is complete we move on. It could take a month...it could take 9 years. About the bad times those either bring you closer or separate you thats what I have always believed. You stick it out if you love someone till you can't anymore and if it doesn't work accept the fact that god has other plans and you just have to be open to recieve them. This is an interesting perspective when looking at my last relationship. My 9 year relationship (lol), had many great times and bad times sewn into it. My x and I had actually broken up several times for various durations within our relationship until its terminal end. I guess we weren't good at making things work out or breaking up...or our reason for being together wasn't complete. In the beginning, much like everyone's relationship, it was terrific. It was like being in my own piece of heaven. I had thought that "she" was "The One". Within the first two years, we were runnin' into bumps. The first time we broke up, we ended up holding each other for what seemed to be many hours and crying. We ended up getting back together to work things out. Our problems and indifferences became repetitive on a monthly basis. Looking back..."Oh the drama of it". My x was a pessimist, "glass half empty". I was opposite, optimistic, "glass is half full". I don't know how or why we went through 9 years. I put her through hell as she did me, but I feel that we still love each other. I know that I love and care for her dearly. I can recall that two years ago, I was thinking that we would make it, and I was thinking that it was about time that I make things official and make this woman mine for the the rest of my life. Unfortunately, some things transpired in the last year of our relationship and yet again tested our relationship... and we couldn't pull through. All relationships take work and I have learned that all relationships are not perfect. We all learn from our experiences with our significant other or x's. Our experiences help us learn and grow. It's been about 8 month now since my relationship break up. We had been communicating since then until about 2 months ago. The last time we hung out ended on a sour note. I guess I'm a slow learner.... time heals all wounds There's just the emotional rollercoaster after the break up. We can actually get off of it anytime we want to. For me, I guess it's a matter of finally letting go of who I thought would be the "One". So, to DrJones, hang in there! This is a test. Passing it will make you a wiser and stronger person. You will be more responsive, understanding, and a better partner for when you meet "The One". Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted August 19, 2004 Author Share Posted August 19, 2004 She broke up with me b/c of distance, our schedules did not jive, she has her carreer stable where as i am trying to get mine going...I am doing my best trying to get my life in order so i guess that was the big thing, distance I live 30 min away but she says its hard for us to get togethher in a short notice...I told her that we can work it out I dirve up to her place etc, but that was not enough, so she broke up with me about a month ago...we still kept in touch email mostly by me sending them....we saw each onther on last firday everything was like we were when we were together ie kissed held hands etc.....then on monday she e-mails me telling me it will not work out for us...one of her firend that she dated before me father died and she was helping him out (it did not know it was a guy)....well she said that on sunday they were talking and he asked her if they can try "us" again and she said ok...so I was out of the picture...she told me that she felt a connection with him again since his fathers passing...and that his schedule and hers jived , they live close to each other and going out on a short terms notice is easy....she told me that she did not "hook up" with him while we were in limbo...i belive her on that....So thats what happend to me....So dont know if she did this so that I can help myself get on track or she just does not like me anymore ijn that way.....she said she still cares for me .....but then why do this to me?.....the bottom line is that she said she is going out with this guy and not me...so I dont know...I have to belive what she told me that she i sgoing with this guy......to me i want to belive its not true i will not know..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted August 19, 2004 Author Share Posted August 19, 2004 thanks frogprinz29, I will hang in there..... Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 Like I said things happen for a reason. Im not saying what she did was right and that you shouldnt be hurting because you have to let it out, But if you step out a second and think with your mind and not your heart, you can see That his father died and he needs someone right now and maybe only she is the one that can get him through this. And you need to get your career on track and she could be a distraction. With her out you can get going and stop worrying about a 30 min drive and who knows you could meet someone sles in the process. Time is the best healer though. Only time can heal your pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted August 19, 2004 Author Share Posted August 19, 2004 EC, Yeah you could be right I do need to get my life in order...and yest this guy needs someone and she may be able to help him...but irks me if this is the case ok I understand about me need to get my life order....but what i cant stop thinking that she may feel pitty for this guy and they rekindle a romance from it...the guy told her that they should give thier past realtionship a shot again...maybe she feels guilty about his fathers death and thats why she is going to be with him....me having problems wiht carrer etc, was an easy escape....I know i should not think this but just the idea of them getting close and sleeping together etc....makes me feel well what did i mean to her.....You kind of understand what i mean?....say i get my life in order should i contact her or just leav it be? Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 Of course theres no harm in contacting. And you could be right she may feel pity for him and thats why she's with him but so be it. You cannot walk in her footsteps and she has to make her own decisions. Its hard but you become stronger and move on. And you can't get over it if your thinking about her sleeping with him and etc. so get those thoughts outta your head. lol I say get your life in order first and if you still feel something for this girl then yes contact her but don't call expecting anything. If she wants to be with this guy though let her be, it could be your gain her loss. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted August 19, 2004 Author Share Posted August 19, 2004 thanks EC, I will try to get it out of my head no pun intended!.....I just hard but i need to get my life in order so I am working on that.....When i am better and maybe i will contact her...or let God have a hand in it and if it was meant to be we will talk again.... Link to post Share on other sites
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