major awesome Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I am 17 and I have been dating my 16 year old girlfriend for 3 months now. I really love her and i care a lot about her. This whole thing took place about 2 weeks ago. Break started and we went to a part on a Friday night. My girlfriend thought she would want to leave the party early so i brought my car. That mean I couldn't drink and i haven't had my license for 1 year so i couldn't drive past 11. As the party went on she keep drink. I tried to stop her from drinking I was giving her water and then it was 10:45 and I had to leave the party because of the driving curfew. She was really drunk, I didn't want to leave but I had my moms car and I had to be back, plus there were police check points so I couldn't be driving. I asked about 5 friends at the party who I though would have there **** together, to watch her. I left and according to people at the party she got even more drunk and continued to kiss her best friend (Girl) her X (a guy) and an anonymous other guy. The next day she told me what happened and I had a whole conversation with her about what happened. She said she didn't remember much of what happened so i forgave her after a few days and moved on. A week and a half later we were at a new years party. We both got pretty wasted and we were making out the whole night. The party was at her friends house so I wasn't worried about her getting home because i thought she would be in good hands. Well it was really late and my ride arrived. At the time it was me, my girlfriend, her friend and some other random guy left (who was the only sober one. So i didn't much when i left. Then 2 days later from some kid i barely know on face book told me a whole story about how she made out with another guy at the new years party after i left. According to her friend she was passed out on the ground, the sober guy picked her up put her in his lap and made-out with her for a while. On a side note she got a hickey from him and her parents saw it and got mad at me about it. Anyway, I ended up forgiving her again for the second time because i really care about her and she made it very convincing she cared about me and loved me. End of story. I think not. Days after I figured out about the second indecent and was try to forgive her a second time i find out that the anonymous guy she mad out with at the party was my best friend. They were both holding out on telling me and that just put me at a point where I really don't know what to do anymore. Please HELP ME!!! Link to post Share on other sites
crabbiestcancer Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Put your foot down and move on, mate. You forgave her more than enough times. As the old saying goes, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me." You're young, don't spend your youth catering to this one girl who can't seem to get her act together. Alcohol does not excuse any of her behaviors. She has to already have cheating on her mind -- alcohol just gives her the courage to do it -- and an excuse too. The same goes for your so-called "best-friend." Which reminds me: consider finding a new best-friend as well, and be careful who you give that title. If he was your best-friend, he would've looked after your girl, not slobbered on her. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I can honestly say this sucks pretty bad. But I mean I hate to say it but realistically, REALISTICALLY... She is 16. That's a bad time to be a boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 (edited) I can honestly say this sucks pretty bad. But I mean I hate to say it but realistically, REALISTICALLY... She is 16. That's a bad time to be a boyfriend. Indeed. But it's a really good time to start to establish what could be a life-long pattern of how you will decide on your relationship priorities and boundaries, and how vigorously you will enforce them. Major, it's probably the most awesome thing to even have a girlfriend at this point in your life - I sure wished I'd had one when I was your age. But don't let that get in the way of seeing reality for what it is. I can say this with the benefit of 30 more years living that you have, and you may not see it yet, but separate from any fear of "losing her" or being without a girlfriend, give some careful thought to what is really important to you in a girlfriend. Don't expect perfection, but do figure out what are your boundaries: what is "not OK". And then - this is a really hard part - don't be afraid to stand up for those boundaries that you decide are important. You obviously drink, but it sounds like you are careful to follow the rules around driving. (That's damn good - it may well save your life and lives of others around you at some point...) So that is an example of boundaries that you have set for yourself. If you stand firm on those types of boundaries, they will become a part of the person you are, and they will shape who you are as you move into adult life. Likewise with relationship boundaries, the decisions you make and the boundaries you set will shape the dynamics of your relationships as you move into adult life. It may not be something you are thinking about now, but this is most likely not the girl you will grow up and move into adulthood with. But you will move into adulthood with relationship skills and patterns that you begin to establish now. Decide what's important to you (realistically - not fantasizing about perfection...), and stand up for those priorities and boundaries. Now having said all that, I haven't yet passed judgment on your girlfriend. If you were my son, I would offer exactly what I've said above, and I might also suggest that you consider that your girlfriend has now exhibited a pattern of recklessness when intoxicated, and that this recklessness has resulted in inappropriate sexual behavior. Note, I didn't say that the alcohol resulted in inappropriate sexual behavior; I think it's important to put that responsibility on her. If she drinks to the point where she's not able to control her behavior, then she needs to control her drinking. Otherwise, go ahead and mentally push the fast-forward button on that movie and what do you think happens later? The other point you should consider - and I'm only offering this as a possibility - is that yes, it is possible for someone to black out and "not remember what happened", but it also happens all the time that people simply use this as an excuse for something stupid that they remember but don't want to deal with or stand up and accept responsibility for. And it's such a handy excuse because people usually accept it without question, and nobody can prove otherwise. It makes a nice, tidy package: lots of alcohol? Check. Irresponsible behavior? Check. Can't remember what happened? Ah, everything is tied up in a nice little package: she's not responsible any more. So my advice is to press that mental fast-forward button, and imagine how this movie plays out in your life over time, and whether that meets your vision of what you want and deserve in a relationship. Edited January 8, 2013 by Trimmer Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Ditch her and save yourself a lot of pain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 You deserve better. Dump her. She has shown she can't be faithful and can't control her drinking. Dump him. Hes is not a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
aed Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Dude, Run from this girl. People who say you need to give her some slack because she is 16 teen?? He is 17 and know is not correct to make out with other people! Link to post Share on other sites
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