Proposing the morning after?

[Kodai]

Hi. I need some opinions about something I had done 11 years ago.

 

I had met a lady online and she and I immediately clicked. We spent long evenings over four consecutive weeks getting to know each other. We had over that time learned very much about the best and the worst of each other, since both of us had been hurt badly in relationships before and we had resolved to ferret out any possible killer issue, and so we were absolutely honest with each other.

 

In part of the conversation we were discussing what each of us were in the habit of giving to someone we cared about. Therefore, in passing, I had asked her ring size and her favorite color.

 

About week 4 this lady and I confessed we were both at least halfway in love with each other, and so we exchanged pictures and then phone calls, and then agreed to meet in a town halfway between us about week 6, and continued chatting on-line.

 

We would have a dinner and swim date at a motel with an indoor pool, where I booked a room for just myself to stay the night so that I could drive more safely in the morning. Honest.

 

This gave me two weeks to get a very nice ring built just in case. Not the traditional diamond engagement, but a 2-carat colored stone in a simple but elegant mounting meant for a diamond, because the lady told me she was not partial to diamond jewelry for gifts.

 

My intentions were just to have the dinner and the swim, and if after meeting in person we turned out to be completely compatible (estimated 5% chance), propose to her just before I had to return, so she could have a symbol of hope regarding the relationship despite the distance.

 

It didn't quite work out that way.

 

After the swim we walked back to my room. Now of course I had allowed her the privacy of my bathroom to change, like a gentleman. But now the air conditioning in the motel was chilling her to the point where she was actually shivering.

 

The lady walked into my arms for warmth. Moments later, she tilted her head up, and kissed me gently. I held the kiss, we embraced, and soon all our plans and agreements for a chaste first date went completely out the window.

 

Sunrise found us waking up in awestruck wonder at what just happened to us. The lady and I found ourselves saying at roughly the same time three very magical words to each other.

 

I never wanted this moment to end. So I said softly to her, wait! And I rolled off the bed so I could dive into the duffel bag I brought with me, and I got the ring out but hid it behind my back.

 

We were both in the altogether, her sitting on the bed, and myself kneeling on BOTH knees in front of her. I presented the ring to her, looked up into her eyes, and I said, "Please marry me."

 

She simply sat there in silence absolutely stunned. Tears started to leak downward a bit, and then she whispered back to me, "Yes." We hugged each other in total joy.

 

We then made the most of the rest of our time before we had to check out, we hugged and kissed goodbye. Later, we continued chatting and we visited each others' towns on alternate weekends.

 

We married a year later, and we've been married 10 years with a beautiful 9 year old child. And we still send emails and texts to each other even across the dining room table!

 

So, I have some questions:

 

1) Was it really bad manners for me to propose at the end of our first meeting? Or does weeks of chat time count enough for forming a relationship that would justify this decision?

 

2) Was is really bad form to propose on BOTH knees rather than just one?

 

3) Was it really bad form to propose in bed? Give me some credit, I did not propose during sex, but waited until the morning afterward.

 

Just curious.

[mammasita]

I don't understand why you're even asking this. Everyone and every situation is different. if it worked for you - and it obviously has, why question it?

[Kodai]

Because I have been reading over these past years about how marriage proposals were supposed to be romantic. I think mine was at the time... I simply jumped into a perfect situation as I saw it happening. But when I keep seeing on this site about what women seem to be expecting for "romantic" proposals, I somehow wonder if I had somehow deprived my wife of that kind of moment. She hasn't said a word about this, and I haven't asked. But still... should I have done better by her?

[cerridwen]

So, I have some questions:

 

1) Was it really bad manners for me to propose at the end of our first meeting? Or does weeks of chat time count enough for forming a relationship that would justify this decision?

 

2) Was is really bad form to propose on BOTH knees rather than just one?

 

3) Was it really bad form to propose in bed? Give me some credit, I did not propose during sex, but waited until the morning afterward.

 

Just curious.

 

I really enjoyed this post.

 

To answer your questions, "no" to one through three.

It obviously was fine to propose when you did, based on the outcome and her response.

It was sweet and I can see why she happily wept.

I say put your worries to rest.

If you still feel ill-at-ease about it, do something outrageously romantic for your next anniversary.

 

Happy for you.

Edited January 8, 2013 by cerridwen

[Nyla]

If you're happily married and your wife isn't upset about the proposal, why sweat it? It sounds like you are a very romantic man.

 

My proposal was awful because my husband was so nervous. He makes up for it by being attentive and loving.

[Lauriebell82]

I think your proposal was very romantic. My husband told me he loved me after the first time we had sex..it was the best moment of my whole life (well except his proposal). When I tell the story, I've heard people saythat he was just in a sex fog and didn't mean it at the time. But I KNOW he did.

 

His proposal was also great, he was so nervous that when I held out my hand he asked "Oh, is that the finger it goes on?" lol. So cute.

 

Sounds like it worked out for you guys. I feel that every proposal is different. If you love each other, then I think that whatever the proposal entails, it will be romantic.

[Turtles]

Very cute story.

[TaraMaiden]

So, I have some questions:

 

1) Was it really bad manners for me to propose at the end of our first meeting? Or does weeks of chat time count enough for forming a relationship that would justify this decision?

 

She obviously didn't think so....

 

2) Was is really bad form to propose on BOTH knees rather than just one?

She obviously didn't think so....

 

3) Was it really bad form to propose in bed? Give me some credit, I did not propose during sex, but waited until the morning afterward.

 

She obviously didn't think so....

 

And fundamentally, her opinion is all that matters.....

 

Have you asked HER what she thinks?

[lostfairytales]

1. No

2. No

3. No

 

Why no? Because she agreed, and you've stayed together for 10 years. It doesn't really matter if someone else thinks it's bad style or form anyways, because it worked out for you and you're married to who you want, so why should it matter what anyone else thinks? Sure, the situation didn't work out perfectly like you had planned, but the end result was the same, so obviously you didn't do bad.

 

If you feel bad for not it not meeting your own expectations of what you can do to make her day romantic, just make up for it and by taking her out for multiple romantic occasions. She obviously found your proposal good enough timing and romantic enough, since she agreed.

 

Why don't you just ask her these questions instead of people on the internet? She'd probably find you caring and sweet for wondering and wanting to make it up to her, also perhaps cute.