How can I deal with a person bullying others?

[loxagos_snake]

The last two years of my life I've been working at my father's cafe-bar - we serve mostly coffee and other hot beverages in the morning, and drinks at night, thing of it as a lounge bar. Actually, my father owns the company name but there are also 4 other partners in it. My father often clashes with one of them, a very strange person with horrible mood swings. At one moment he will tell you off for literally nothing (he told me off once because I took an extra 3 seconds to remove the seal from an Absolut bottle) and a few moments later he will be all funny comments and buying shots. He is also on a short fuse, to the point that he insulted two policemen for doing their jobs and checking the sound levels. The guy is crazy and my dad strongly believes that one day two men in white robes will put him in a straightjacket and carry him away.

 

The first one and a half year, I was waiting tables so I didn't really get exposed to the inner workings and feuds. For one thing, I want to clarify that I have a very strong sense of wrong and right to the point of being naive, but I can't and don't want to change this. From the day I started working, I insisted on working harder than everyone to show people they can trust me and that I'm not the spoiled son of the boss. But now I'm a bartender, it is more obvious that many employees ally with others to meet their needs. So, there is a guy who issues receipts, like a cashier (the way we do it is like this: waitresses come to the bar, write the order on paper, we see it and execute it, the 'cashier' issues the receipts and gives it to the waitress) who is causing a lot of problems to others. Interesting fact: the guy started working because of my dad, he was saved many times by my dad -the crazy guy I mentioned first wanted to fire him- yet a turn of events now find the ungrateful excuse of a man allied with the crazy guy and fighting a psychological war against my father. He will try to get on his nerves by disregarding him, for example, and many other things that would take pages to share. Of course, I can't like this guy, but I decided to be civilised and just ignore him; I thought this was between my father and him.

 

He isn't physically strong or anything, but his position makes it easy for him to be a bully. If he doesn't like a waitress, he will do small, irritating things to ruin her day at work. He will yell at them in a very nasty way and rush them into writing the orders in the papers, which is very hard - the girls have to remember them by heart until they reach the bar. His highlight? We also have an external bar, which is mostly for socializing - the girl that works there isn't a full-fledged barmaid and she doesn't have the same knowledge as we do, but mostly socializes with customers. Well, she is very attractive and many, unfortunately, misjudge her as a girl of bad morals, but I have met her outside work and she is just wonderful; she just tries to be more charming at work. This guy, well, he makes her days a living nightmare. He will insult her heavily in front of others about how 'incompetent' and 'stupid' she is. Many are the times that the poor girl went to the bathroom to cry and get back to work with a fake smile.

 

He made a serious mistake, though. He is waging this psychological war against me, too. And while I couldn't get involved before since I was never provoked, now he is in for a treat.

 

Unfortunately, due to the unstable relationship with his partners, my dad can't just fire him. Of course, he is very smart and strong and I'm proud of him for that. But as a member of the family, a person who loves the business and most importantly, a co-partner (as far as I'm concerned, I can have an opinion in there by law), I can't put up with this anymore. I could simply insult him back every time he tries to play me down, his words don't get to me. But I don't like him doing that to others. I believe I'm in a better position to do this, since I'm not jeopardizing my dad's position -others can hold me responsible for my own actions- and I know many will stand by my side.

 

The thing is, I'm not used to conflicts so I'm afraid of losing this one. So, can you offer some advice on how to effectively fight him and scare him, to make the bullying stop? Of course, I'm not talking about physical fighting as much as I'd love it! Should I be upfront and tell him off in front of everyone next time he insults someone, or should I play my cards more covertly?

Edited January 8, 2013 by loxagos_snake

[Taramere]

Should I be upfront and tell him off in front of everyone next time he insults someone, or should I play my cards more covertly?

 

I think it's always bad form to confront a colleague in front of others. I had a boss who was inclined to bully admin staff...and she was particularly horrendous with one particular member of staff. I remember her smirkingly telling me about a plan she had to overload this woman with work to the point where the woman would feel so anxious that she'd hand in her resignation. Absolutely hideous way to treat people, but unfortunately there are some bosses like that.

 

With this particular boss I honestly don't think there was anything more to it than her simply being a psychopath. So although I found her behaviour upsetting I knew that there was absolutely no point in berating her or trying to appeal to her better nature. My approach was to tell her that I believed if she went ahead and treated the woman as she was planning to, I was concerned that she would find herself having to justify her actions in an employment tribunal. That we would need to discuss the situation to decide the best way forward in terms of getting rid of that employee if she wasn't working out, but that bullying her out just wasn't an option.

 

She regarded me as her "sensible counsel" who was on her side, and so she took the advice. Sort of. These are tricky situations though. Whether somebody is simply of a ruthless, sociopathic mindset or if they have a problem that makes them quite irrational I think you're best approaching the matter in a neutrally toned "how do we address this difficulty?" manner. Again if the guy is angry, irrational and generally of a bullying disposition then you have your work cut out however you choose to approach it - but a calm and neutral approach is your best bet for getting a positive outcome. Don't let his drama become yours.

[Got it]

Can they buy him out? What value is he adding to the business?

[loxagos_snake]

They can't buy him out, no. The business is already under heavy financial stress and my father can't afford to pay a price to throw him out. Besides, it's not that easy since he has the support of the other partner. If everyone wanted him to leave, it wouldn't be as hard.

 

I agree that it is not optimal to confront a colleague in front of others, and as much as I dislike this one in particular, I wouldn't want to do what I don't like being done to me. I'm thinking about throwing a subtle comment the next time he does this, adding that I want to have a word with him later. The thing is, I don't know how he would react to that, seeing as he is around his thirties when I'm only twenty. I do have a legal right though as far as I know; my father has told me that being his son, if he were to leave the business he could pass it down to me. Now, the reason I would actually like him to be punished like that is because he does the same to others, humiliating them in front of everyone.

 

All in all, I don't know if he deserves neutrality.

[frostfire1337]

A campaign of paranoia skulduggery and shadows is required. First of all he is in a bar. Does he take any medication? How about caffeine pills? Energy drinks? Anything that can destabilize him is useful. Second, what if his gas tank was siphoned several times a week to the point that he is suspicious and annoyed? Did you know that poppy seeds can cause people to test positive for marijuana? On the subject of mj, a flash drug test combined with mj laced foods can sink a coworker like lightning. Furthermore, red kidney beans can cause vomiting if cooked at low temp. What about craigslist ads for gay sex? covering his car in bird feed so that pigeons take a dump on it? What about his house? Call the cops on him for screaming sounds from his apartment? Report his license plate as stolen? Convince girl to report sexual harassment to cops and back her up as a witness? The fact is, a good attack using all of the above measures together over time can destroy a man's sanity. Convince the girl to go home with him and THEN call the cops on screaming? If the cops bust down the door she can then run to them and cry rape. He is dead meat and she can pull a serious civil lawsuit for massive cash. Nothing less convincing evidence than a cops word as an eyewitness that the man in question was attempting to rape someone.

 

Sincerely, The Devil

Edited January 25, 2013 by frostfire1337