I'm scared

[Queen]

Hi,

 

I have been with my boyfriend for two years. We have always been very close, physically too. I enjoy the feeling of being intimate with him very much, but I just don't dare to take another step further. I feel awkward having sex. I mean, I fear the pain, I don't know how I would feel and I can't imagine what's it like having something "alive" in you.

 

I understand that my boyfriend feels that it's rather odd. Although he does not press me to do it, I somehow feel very upset that I always back out the last minute. I actually thought of doing it, really, but this uncertainty seems to be getting the better of me.

 

Perhaps sex is not VERY important, but because my boyfriend suggested that we not do anything if we don't want to do the real thing(he thinks it's funny), I want to understand my problem better. Any advice?

[Tony T]

You should be a politician because your writing keeps people guessing. You write as though you have had intercourse (sex) with your boyfriend, yet everything suggests you have not. I am going to assume the fact that you are afraid to have intercourse. At first, when you said you were afraid to have something alive in you, I thought you were afraid of getting pregnant. If I am all wrong here, please re-do your post and get very specific. But now, I will risk making a total fool of myself.

 

You say you feel awkward having sex. That implies you've had intercourse. But other things you say imply you have not.

 

First of all, I don't know how old you are. But whatever age, your boyfriend of two years is a gem, I mean a man above men, the very best, there are NONE better. He has been with you and cares enough about you not to press you for intercourse because of the way you feel and he still stays by your side. This is a sign, in my opinion, that he truly loves you and he is a man of character. This is the kind of man women DREAM of having sex with.

 

The fear you have of intercourse is not uncommon. Even though it is a great source of pleasure and intimacy for couples, anticipating the first time and be very consuming.

 

If you see an ob/gyn (gynecologist), preferably a female one, she can fill you in with graphic details of what to expect and also give you techniques and perform some procedures that could make your first experience more pleasant. But, I promise you, if your boyfriend is very gentle...which is sounds like her is...the experience could be anything from the best thing you have ever experienced to the most disappointing.

 

Unless you intend on staying a virgin the rest of your life, you need to address this with your boyfriend and make plans to go through this calmly and gently. The pain is not unbearable, unless you have some biological abnormality, and you can have an agreement with him to stop if you become to uncomfortable. I think this can be a very special time for the two of you.

 

As far as having something "alive" in your, if you have french kissed, you have has something "alive" in you. If you have ever had a throat or other infection, you have had something "alive" in you. I think a penis is a lot nicer to have in you than bacteria. If you eat chicken, fish, or poultry, you are putting dead stuff in you. I think it's a lot nicer to have something alive go into where it's supposed to than something inanimate, like a rubber penis, go in there. But, you have to understand I am a heterosexual man and I do respect people sticking whatever they want into their various orafices.

 

If you are a believer in God or even just in biology, you will understand that the penis was specifically designed by its architects to be inserted into a female's vagina. The vagina was designed to secrete lubricants to make the environment more accomodating, the skin on the penis was designed to be pliant so it could slip back and forth and create pleasure for both male and female. So while you have misgivings about this, the billions of people who came before you and most of those on the planet right this minute have realized that this "live" thing is meant to be inside of you...at least some of the time. It's the design, it's nature, and in my opinion, it was the most brilliant thing that our creator thought up. It's great there is no patent on penises and vaginas because then we wouldn't be able to use them. That would be a real drag.

 

Not going forward at your own speed and in your own way towards having intercourse is like telling God and/or nature that He made a mistake. Not so.

 

If your fear is absolutely overbearing, see a cousellor, physician, sex therapist, etc. as soon as possible. I unconditionally guarantee you that once your first experience is complete, you will want more and more...particularly to share love with this guy you're seeing. Again, your boyfriend is one hell of a guy and I hope you are able to hang on to him.

[Queen]

Dear Tony,

 

I'm sorry if I was ambiguous. I meant that I had not have sex with my boyfriend. Thanks for your advice, I guess I can talk to my boyfriend about it and we can come out with something good. Yeah I agree with you, aniticipating the first time can be rather taxing.

 

Anyway, thanks again! I wonder how you come up with so much ideas to advice people, maybe you just spoke your mind?