I'll tell you how it ends

[youngnlove89]

In the beginning we rationalize. We barter. We think. We over analyze. We fantasize. Criticize. Hate. Cry. And repeat.

 

Our chest hurts. Our bodies shake. Our minds explode with sadness. And our throats get that constant lump in the back that we try to ignore.

 

We are afraid to sleep, afraid to eat, afraid to think. Nothing makes sense anymore. We have lost ourselves. We become walking zombies. For the few, a little more than that. But nevertheless, it never fails to remind us what we lost late at night.

 

We all think that we are the exception to the rule. We never actually believe that we are the rule. That no matter how many times people tell us they aren't coming back, we beg to differ. We plan for that day when they will come back. When they realize what they lost. And how happy we will be. Life will be happily ever after. What used to be ours, will be again. But for now, we suffer. We binge on sleeping pills. We eat too much cake. Seclude ourself in the divine diversion of alcohol. We are glad to celebrate our pity party of one.

 

And then a few weeks go by. Nothing has changed. Perhaps for some of you a breadcrumb or two. But nothing really to keep us fed, our hearts remain hungry. We beg for more. Call. Text. Email. Stalk. Drive by. And once we are hooked on trying to make them reply, we don't know how to stop. We become anxious, bitter, upset, moody, distressed. Why are they being like this?!

 

Then after you calm down, you make yourself a promise to never do that again. You made yourself a fool. You weren't thinking. You apologize. You back down. You become a little more weak. You become inferior. Frightened of your own will power.

 

Then silence plays the lead role.

 

Then a few more days go by and your body begins to welcome the pain. Lately, it's all its known. You wake up. Get ready. Go to work. Smile. Clock out. Drive home in traffic. Take a shower. Sit in your bed. And you think.

 

You ask yourself where it all went wrong. Was it you? Was it them? Did you argue too much? Did you push them away? Was it the new haircut? Or maybe that you stopped going to the gym? Was it that new coworker? Your mind spins in circles looking for answers. Unfortunately, you won't find out till later that even if you found your answer, it never satisfies.

 

The days get deeper into the year. You look back in the dark hole your slowly climbing out of and you really have to count how long it's been. Your shocked. Beaten. Bruised. Betrayed. Worn. You really thought they would wake up one day and come back. But they didn't. Everyone was right.

 

And for the first time, reality settles in. You pick your head up and you ask yourself, "Is this what I want to be like for the rest of my life?" You know the answer. Time had to show you.

 

Sadly to say, this is only the beginning of it all. Just when you thought you were forgetting, moving on, being happy, laughing again...heartbreak has a funny, and inconvenient, way of showing you that it isn't through with you.

 

Out of nowhere that moment comes that takes you for a spin, that makes you lose your balance and catches you off guard: memories, how they hold your hand when people let go. Your heart will fall deep into the pit of your stomach and your eyes will welt as you remember the time when they said I love you for the first time, or the first time they made you breakfast and the bacon was little burnt, but you loved it anyways. How being held by them made you tingly inside. Or the time you both sang out loud in the car to "Simple Man" laughing and teasing each other about your god awful voices!

 

But those moments will become less and less. They won't visit much after awhile. You will soon forget the way he liked his eggs cooked. The way his laundry detergent smelled up the whole apartment. Or how the scent of his cologne always followed you home. You'll forget how his hand fit perfect with yours. How he came up behind you and startled you, but you settled after he wrapped his arms around you. How hearing the sound of his voice lifted all your problems you were having that day.

 

But most of all, you will forget how much you loved them. And one day, you'll look back and you'll ask yourself, "What did I see in them?" And for the life of you, you won't know what it was.

Edited January 8, 2013 by youngnlove89

[Coping Vortex]

In the beginning we rationalize. We barter. We think. We over analyze. We fantasize. Criticize. Hate. Cry. And repeat.

 

Our chest hurts. Our bodies shake. Our minds explode with sadness. And our throats get that constant lump in the back that we try to ignore.

 

We are afraid to sleep, afraid to eat, afraid to think. Nothing makes sense anymore. We have lost ourselves. We become walking zombies. For the few, a little more than that. But nevertheless, it never fails to remind us what we lost late at night.

 

We all think that we are the exception to the rule. We never actually believe that we are the rule. That no matter how many times people tell us they aren't coming back, we beg to differ. We plan for that day when they will come back. When they realize what they lost. And how happy we will be. Life will be happily ever after. What used to be ours, will be again. But for now, we suffer. We binge on sleeping pills. We eat too much cake. Seclude ourself in the divine diversion of alcohol. We are glad to celebrate our pity party of one.

 

And then a few weeks go by. Nothing has changed. Perhaps for some of you a breadcrumb or two. But nothing really to keep us fed, our hearts remain hungry. We beg for more. Call. Text. Email. Stalk. Drive by. And once we are hooked on trying to make them reply, we don't know how to stop. We become anxious, bitter, upset, moody, distressed. Why are they being like this?!

 

Then after you calm down, you make yourself a promise to never do that again. You made yourself a fool. You weren't thinking. You apologize. You back down. You become a little more weak. You become inferior. Frightened of your own will power.

 

Then silence plays the lead role.

 

Then a few more days go by and your body begins to welcome the pain. Lately, it's all its known. You wake up. Get ready. Go to work. Smile. Clock out. Drive home in traffic. Take a shower. Sit in your bed. And you think.

 

You ask yourself where it all went wrong. Was it you? Was it them? Did you argue too much? Did you push them away? Was it the new haircut? Or maybe that you stopped going to the gym? Was it that new coworker? Your mind spins in circles looking for answers. Unfortunately, you won't find out till later that even if you found your answer, it never satisfies.

 

The days get deeper into the year. You look back in the dark hole your slowly climbing out of and you really have to count how long it's been. Your shocked. Beaten. Bruised. Betrayed. Worn. You really thought they would wake up one day and come back. But they didn't. Everyone was right.

 

And for the first time, reality settles in. You pick your head up and you ask yourself, "Is this what I want to be like for the rest of my life?" You know the answer. Time had to show you.

 

Sadly to say, this is only the beginning of it all. Just when you thought you were forgetting, moving on, being happy, laughing again...heartbreak has a funny, and inconvenient, way of showing you that it isn't through with you.

 

Out of nowhere that moment comes that takes you for a spin, that makes you lose your balance and catches you off guard: memories, how they hold your hand when people let go. Your heart will fall deep into the pit of your stomach and your eyes will welt as you remember the time when they said I love you for the first time, or the first time they made you breakfast and the bacon was little burnt, but you loved it anyways. How being held by them made you tingly inside. Or the time you both sang out loud in the car to "Simple Man" laughing and teasing each other about your god awful voices!

 

But those moments will become less and less. They won't visit much after awhile. You will soon forget the way he liked his eggs cooked. The way his laundry detergent smelled up the whole apartment. Or how the scent of his cologne always followed you home. You'll forget how his hand fit perfect with yours. How he came up behind you and startled you, but you settled after he wrapped his arms around you. How hearing the sound of his voice lifted all your problems you were having that day.

 

But most of all, you will forget how much you loved them. And one day, you'll look back and you'll ask yourself, "What did I see in them?" And for the life of you, you won't know what it was.

 

Perfectly said. Everything I think and feel.

[robaday]

Beautifully written;)

 

But Im not sure you ever forget how much you loved them, loved being the operative word there. Still love those girls in my head, the ones I knew, not the ones they are now, cause they are different people. Knowing that is comforting, that that person I knew is gone for good, in fact doesnt really exist as I knew her.

 

And you forgot to mention how they always get in touch right when your over them.......ALWAYS!!

[MyAngel]

Beautiful. Made me tear up. I am not looking forward to the stage once you think you're over it, the memories hit you again. Ugh. Don't want to go through this twice!

[youngnlove89]

Beautifully written;)

 

But Im not sure you ever forget how much you loved them, loved being the operative word there. Still love those girls in my head, the ones I knew, not the ones they are now, cause they are different people. Knowing that is comforting, that that person I knew is gone for good, in fact doesnt really exist as I knew her.

 

And you forgot to mention how they always get in touch right when your over them.......ALWAYS!!

 

Thank you

 

Well they don't "always" come back and if they do, it's never for the right reason. My ex came back multiple times, but not for what I wanted. It's for their own ego. Their own need. Because they know we give more than breadcrumbs, we inflate their ego to the point of bursting. Once we give them what they want, they leave again. And then you are left asking yourself, "is this it? are they really gone this time?" and you won't know until YOU decide that it is over. Which is the hardest step.

[Isbnd]

I think this was one of the most well written and succinct descriptions of what one goes through in a break up - at least for me. It was dead on what I'm going through now and something I can totally relate to.

[RespectfullyAlone]

What a wonderful thing to read. Sad as well, as doing so meant admitting I was in that state myself . Thus I am no one special and are just then the rule and not the exception.

[Castia]

Great read and for much of it so true. Thanks for posting that.

[stevie_23]

I needed to read this. It was the right time for me. Last night I was thinking (since it had been my first day as a member of this forum) how it had struck me that I was no different to anyone else in this situation. Me and my ex were no more special or no more unique than anyone else who didn’t work out for whatever reason. Wow.

 

And now I see my feelings, every one, are also felt by everyone else too in varying degrees and for varying lengths of time, and in various manifestations.

 

I am no different. My feelings are universal. The exact specifics of my situation may be slightly different to some other people’s but that’s irrelevant.

 

Do I want to be in pain and misery for the rest of my life? Right now I am floating in a void and I don’t know and can’t see how to move towards something that will make me as happy as my ex did, but I know I still have a lot more time ahead of me to get to the point where I will be able to.

 

It’s only been a month and 3 days since things went bad for us. So…yeah.

 

Thank you so much for writing this. I don’t feel quite as alone now.

[youngnlove89]

I needed to read this. It was the right time for me. Last night I was thinking (since it had been my first day as a member of this forum) how it had struck me that I was no different to anyone else in this situation. Me and my ex were no more special or no more unique than anyone else who didn’t work out for whatever reason. Wow.

 

And now I see my feelings, every one, are also felt by everyone else too in varying degrees and for varying lengths of time, and in various manifestations.

 

I am no different. My feelings are universal. The exact specifics of my situation may be slightly different to some other people’s but that’s irrelevant.

 

Do I want to be in pain and misery for the rest of my life? Right now I am floating in a void and I don’t know and can’t see how to move towards something that will make me as happy as my ex did, but I know I still have a lot more time ahead of me to get to the point where I will be able to.

 

It’s only been a month and 3 days since things went bad for us. So…yeah.

 

Thank you so much for writing this. I don’t feel quite as alone now.

 

You are very welcome. And you are never alone. All of us on here are going through this. It hurts. And it takes time to realize that it is over and once you do, you find yourself moving on. But we all cling to that hope that it isn't over. They say letting go is hard, but I don't think so. I think holding on is harder.

[youngnlove89]

*Bump*

 

How is everyone doing?!

[cavalier99]

I loved it. Now I'm going to puke..it hurt too much. You write too well.

 

...i hope you are ok. I think about your well being often even though i haven't seen you post in a while. Cav

 

Ahh i just saw post was from a while back.

 

Im good. Much Better than few months ago.

Edited March 9, 2013 by cavalier99

[grace777]

My God, that was beautiful. And so, so true. I have been thinking a lot about how all of us are going through shockingly similar situations. And here I was thinking that mine was unique.

 

It is almost scary to completely let go, isn't it? To fully surrender to the fact that it is done.

[CaliBabe]

What a piece of art. Beautifully written. Made me tear up.

[Drummerboy420]

That was an amazing read. I needed that.

[purplereigncb]

This was very beautiful. Made me cry more than I wanted to.

[travelonic]

The only issue I have with this, as an analytical, logic and athematics oriented person [comp sci major - so it fits ] - is that you **APPEAR TO* attempt to be absolute with something that has a lot of variables, and thus a lot of possible outcomes.

 

Maybe a breakup follows the common trends, but then again, MAYBE it doesn't, and there are a lot of unusual circumstances.

 

Maybe there is good reason to not want reconciliation, or to attempt getting back together - then again, maybe there is reason, and a chance it will happen.

 

You have to take a lot of factors into consideration - the people involved, the relationship, why they broke up, how they broke up, etc into consideration - there really is no "one size fits all" thing that fits the process of breaking up. Hell, even the "7 stages of grief" don't always go in the same sequence, for the same durations in one person as it does in another.

[youngnlove89]

Weird how my own words help me.

[cavalier99]

Weird how my own words help me.

 

You just need to get back to where you were before mentaly. It may take some time but you can do it. Hug. Cav

[youngnlove89]

You just need to get back to where you were before mentaly. It may take some time but you can do it. Hug. Cav

 

Ugh. I feel horrible. Before he ignored me and I had no choice but to move on. But now that I am ignoring him it is incredibly hard and challenging.

[cavalier99]

Ugh. I feel horrible. Before he ignored me and I had no choice but to move on. But now that I am ignoring him it is incredibly hard and challenging.

 

And youll be all the stronger because of it! This is strength and it isnt easy but it is necesary and right.

[youngnlove89]

And youll be all the stronger because of it! This is strength and it isnt easy but it is necesary and right.

 

Him calling me today and leaving that voicemail made everything more difficult. And then he said he will leave me alone now since that is what I want.

 

Do you think he really will leave me alone?

[ThatJustHappened]

What a wonderful post. You're a fantastic writer and you're clearly very mature for your age, and extremely intelligent. This thread needs a bump!

[Mack05]

In the beginning we rationalize. We barter. We think. We over analyze. We fantasize. Criticize. Hate. Cry. And repeat.

 

Our chest hurts. Our bodies shake. Our minds explode with sadness. And our throats get that constant lump in the back that we try to ignore.

 

We are afraid to sleep, afraid to eat, afraid to think. Nothing makes sense anymore. We have lost ourselves. We become walking zombies. For the few, a little more than that. But nevertheless, it never fails to remind us what we lost late at night.

 

We all think that we are the exception to the rule. We never actually believe that we are the rule. That no matter how many times people tell us they aren't coming back, we beg to differ. We plan for that day when they will come back. When they realize what they lost. And how happy we will be. Life will be happily ever after. What used to be ours, will be again. But for now, we suffer. We binge on sleeping pills. We eat too much cake. Seclude ourself in the divine diversion of alcohol. We are glad to celebrate our pity party of one.

 

And then a few weeks go by. Nothing has changed. Perhaps for some of you a breadcrumb or two. But nothing really to keep us fed, our hearts remain hungry. We beg for more. Call. Text. Email. Stalk. Drive by. And once we are hooked on trying to make them reply, we don't know how to stop. We become anxious, bitter, upset, moody, distressed. Why are they being like this?!

 

Then after you calm down, you make yourself a promise to never do that again. You made yourself a fool. You weren't thinking. You apologize. You back down. You become a little more weak. You become inferior. Frightened of your own will power.

 

Then silence plays the lead role.

 

Then a few more days go by and your body begins to welcome the pain. Lately, it's all its known. You wake up. Get ready. Go to work. Smile. Clock out. Drive home in traffic. Take a shower. Sit in your bed. And you think.

 

You ask yourself where it all went wrong. Was it you? Was it them? Did you argue too much? Did you push them away? Was it the new haircut? Or maybe that you stopped going to the gym? Was it that new coworker? Your mind spins in circles looking for answers. Unfortunately, you won't find out till later that even if you found your answer, it never satisfies.

 

The days get deeper into the year. You look back in the dark hole your slowly climbing out of and you really have to count how long it's been. Your shocked. Beaten. Bruised. Betrayed. Worn. You really thought they would wake up one day and come back. But they didn't. Everyone was right.

 

And for the first time, reality settles in. You pick your head up and you ask yourself, "Is this what I want to be like for the rest of my life?" You know the answer. Time had to show you.

 

Sadly to say, this is only the beginning of it all. Just when you thought you were forgetting, moving on, being happy, laughing again...heartbreak has a funny, and inconvenient, way of showing you that it isn't through with you.

 

Out of nowhere that moment comes that takes you for a spin, that makes you lose your balance and catches you off guard: memories, how they hold your hand when people let go. Your heart will fall deep into the pit of your stomach and your eyes will welt as you remember the time when they said I love you for the first time, or the first time they made you breakfast and the bacon was little burnt, but you loved it anyways. How being held by them made you tingly inside. Or the time you both sang out loud in the car to "Simple Man" laughing and teasing each other about your god awful voices!

 

But those moments will become less and less. They won't visit much after awhile. You will soon forget the way he liked his eggs cooked. The way his laundry detergent smelled up the whole apartment. Or how the scent of his cologne always followed you home. You'll forget how his hand fit perfect with yours. How he came up behind you and startled you, but you settled after he wrapped his arms around you. How hearing the sound of his voice lifted all your problems you were having that day.

 

But most of all, you will forget how much you loved them. And one day, you'll look back and you'll ask yourself, "What did I see in them?" And for the life of you, you won't know what it was.

 

To be honest I didn't like this post......

[Mack05]

I loved it!!!!!!!!!!