ldr to om/ow-what now?

[Tleslie]

Me and my OM started out as a LDR fast forward 3 years later we are now an OW/OM couple. After going through countless fights with our SO because of our relationship, we went with NC for 6 months. Recently we got back in contact with each other and the I love you/miss you conversation has been more frequent and we have even had txt sex. We love each other so much and have always promised to never let anyone come between US since always knew being in a LDR we would never be a traditional couple and the chance of US finding a SO in our own country was high but constantly being caught by our SO was so overwhelming as they were always snooping to find our messages. It took 6 months for that snooping to stop. But now here we are again, that strong love between US still grows and we are pretty much back to the way we used to be. It's been three years we have been together and I love that man with my everything and he loves me more but SO or not our relationship is still impossible because of our distance. If we are caught again we run the risk of our SO leaving US but everyday of those 6 months without eachogher I cried inside. It hurt so bad not being in each others life. So what do we do?

[Tleslie]

Um why don't you tell your SO and his and live happily ever after? why bother with the lying and the charade? What does your SO have to keep you there, a whip?

 

Even if we told our SO that we are still having a LDR/A we are still left with the obstacle of living in two diff countries so I/we are essentially settling for 2nd best

[jwi71]

Even if we told our SO that we are still having a LDR/A we are still left with the obstacle of living in two diff countries so I/we are essentially settling for 2nd best

 

Why can't you leave your SO and go to him (her?)?

 

Anytime you refer to your SO as second best you are shortchanging yourself, your SO and your AP. Everyone loses.

 

Take a risk. Dump your SO and go to your AP.

 

At least TRY for a happy future with your AP. don't live your life wonder what could have been. In any case, lost your SO for your sake and his (hers).

[bentnotbroken]

Even if we told our SO that we are still having a LDR/A we are still left with the obstacle of living in two diff countries so I/we are essentially settling for 2nd best

 

So you are saying if you can never be with this person you will stay with your spouse and waste their life of true love and respect? I am curious...what is the rationale behind that again?

[Tleslie]

No Comments..............

 

You just did!!!!!!

[Tleslie]

So you are saying if you can never be with this person you will stay with your spouse and waste their life of true love and respect? I am curious...what is the rationale behind that again?

 

Since when do love and rationale go in the same sentence???????

[Tleslie]

Why can't you leave your SO and go to him (her?)?

 

Anytime you refer to your SO as second best you are shortchanging yourself, your SO and your AP. Everyone loses.

 

Take a risk. Dump your SO and go to your AP.

 

At least TRY for a happy future with your AP. don't live your life wonder what could have been. In any case, lost your SO for your sake and his (hers).

 

Thank you! I really appreciate your unjudgmental thoughts on my issue

[SunshineToday]

Break up with your SO! Release them to find someone who really might love and appreciate them! No one deserves that.

 

Now tell your affair partner you are SINGLE and going to do your best to get with him. Or tell him you are now single and he can come to you.

 

Let us know how it all turns out!

[bentnotbroken]

Since when do love and rationale go in the same sentence???????

 

 

For some people it does. Is that your answer?

[watergirl12]

If you truley think that you and your AP can never have a relationship, then you need to stop pursuing a dead end relationship, because that is what it is.

 

Because somehow, someway the relationship is going to end. You can't keep carrying on a relationship where you can never see each other and you will drift apart eventually, after much pain and turmoil.

 

You need to end the relationship, you will get over it eventually, and get on with your life.

 

If you think you can, take that energy and rekindle the relationship with your SO.

 

If you absolutely feel like you don't love your SO and can't be with them for life, then you need to end the relationship and find someone who you can be with.

 

I know you want someone to give you a magic answer, but the fact is, ending this relationship is the magic answer.

 

You have no hope of being together. Which means it is going to end up with the both of you heartbroken, and if your SOs find out, they will be heartbroken too, and that is four people unnecessarily heartbroken.

 

Or you can end this relationship, suffer heartbreak for awhile, and live a happy life with SO.

[Tleslie]

Me and my OM started out as a LDR fast forward 3 years later we are now an OW/OM couple. After going through countless fights with our SO because of our relationship, we went with NC for 6 months. Recently we got back in contact with each other and the I love you/miss you conversation has been more frequent and we have even had txt sex. We love each other so much and have always promised to never let anyone come between US since always knew being in a LDR we would never be a traditional couple and the chance of US finding a SO in our own country was high but constantly being caught by our SO was so overwhelming as they were always snooping to find our messages. It took 6 months for that snooping to stop. But now here we are again, that strong love between US still grows and we are pretty much back to the way we used to be. It's been three years we have been together and I love that man with my everything and he loves me more but SO or not our relationship is still impossible because of our distance. If we are caught again we run the risk of our SO leaving US but everyday of those 6 months without eachogher I cried inside. It hurt so bad not being in each others life. So what do we do?

 

For some people it does. Is that your answer?

 

Ok well let's think "rationally" here...if I was thinking "rationally" do you think i would need to be on here asking for advice?? Nooo why??? Because I would be thinking "rationally" and would have no need for a outside opinion to give "rational" advice!! Now my advice to you would be stay out of a OM/OW forum if you feel some type of way and furthermore only comment if you have real advice to give

[Tleslie]

If you truley think that you and your AP can never have a relationship, then you need to stop pursuing a dead end relationship, because that is what it is.

 

Because somehow, someway the relationship is going to end. You can't keep carrying on a relationship where you can never see each other and you will drift apart eventually, after much pain and turmoil.

 

You need to end the relationship, you will get over it eventually, and get on with your life.

 

If you think you can, take that energy and rekindle the relationship with your SO.

 

If you absolutely feel like you don't love your SO and can't be with them for life, then you need to end the relationship and find someone who you can be with.

 

I know you want someone to give you a magic answer, but the fact is, ending this relationship is the magic answer.

 

You have no hope of being together. Which means it is going to end up with the both of you heartbroken, and if your SOs find out, they will be heartbroken too, and that is four people unnecessarily heartbroken.

 

Or you can end this relationship, suffer heartbreak for awhile, and live a happy life with SO.

 

Best answer!

[bentnotbroken]

Ok well let's think "rationally" here...if I was thinking "rationally" do you think i would need to be on here asking for advice?? Nooo why??? Because I would be thinking "rationally" and would have no need for a outside opinion to give "rational" advice!! Now my advice to you would be stay out of a OM/OW forum if you feel some type of way and furthermore only comment if you have real advice to give

 

 

If you have a problem with my posts....please report them. I was in no way disrespectful to you. Furthermore, if what I asked was not to your liking..there is an ignore button that you can use because as an adult(like you say you are) I will comment when I feel led to do so. And just for the record not using rational thought processes in the past does not render one incapable of ever using rational thought. I hope you get all that is necessary to realize that.

[thomasb]

Ok well let's think "rationally" here...if I was thinking "rationally" do you think i would need to be on here asking for advice?? Nooo why??? Because I would be thinking "rationally" and would have no need for a outside opinion to give "rational" advice!! Now my advice to you would be stay out of a OM/OW forum if you feel some type of way and furthermore only comment if you have real advice to give

 

Coming here and asking for advice is fine. Being rude to others is not. Perhaps try being nicer will get you more responses!

[Tleslie]

If you have a problem with my posts....please report them. I was in no way disrespectful to you. Furthermore, if what I asked was not to your liking..there is an ignore button that you can use because as an adult(like you say you are) I will comment when I feel led to do so. And just for the record not using rational thought processes in the past does not render one incapable of ever using rational thought. I hope you get all that is necessary to realize that.

 

You were being a sarcastic ***hole and we both know that so I'm not gonna continue a useless back and forth with you, my point remains the same..stay out of OM/OW forms if you feel some type of way and furthermore only comment when you have real advice to offer

[Tleslie]

Coming here and asking for advice is fine. Being rude to others is not. Perhaps try being nicer will get you more responses!

 

I gave a sarcastic answer to a sarcastic question, perhaps you should read the entire conversation but I'm sorry I was under the impression this was a site to share stories and receive genuine advice on your situation or support through your situation. Not a place read what someone is going through and have nothing more to say other than something meant to subliminally insult the writer, and certainly not a place where someone pays more attention to the comment section rather than the story that's being told.

[wisernow]

I gave a sarcastic answer to a sarcastic question, perhaps you should read the entire conversation but I'm sorry I was under the impression this was a site to share stories and receive genuine advice on your situation or support through your situation. Not a place read what someone is going through and have nothing more to say other than something meant to subliminally insult the writer, and certainly not a place where someone pays more attention to the comment section rather than the story that's being told.

 

But see, tleslie, you got "genuine advice,". I think the problem you have is that it wasn't the advice you wanted to hear. You're having a virtual relationship with a man you've never laid eyes on (for 3 years!) outside of a computer screen. You both have clueless, SO's, that you refuse to tell about said virtual affair, and you don't tell them because your virtual OM (the love of your life) lives far, far away in another country. I'm sorry if I missed something, but I think that's the gist of it.

 

Anyway, I don't know what you want people to say to you that will make you feel better about wasting your life ( not to mention your real life SO) for a relationship with your computer.

 

3 years, really? Wow, just wow!

[bentnotbroken]

You were being a sarcastic ***hole and we both know that so I'm not gonna continue a useless back and forth with you, my point remains the same..stay out of OM/OW forms if you feel some type of way and furthermore only comment when you have real advice to offer

 

 

I have know clue what you know:confused:. I do know when I am being sarcastic and you weren't it. But whatever you need to make yourself feel better....go for it. Give it your best.

[wisernow]

I have know clue what you know:confused:. I do know when I am being sarcastic and you weren't it. But whatever you need to make yourself feel better....go for it. Give it your best.

 

Oh Bent, you're such a curmudgeon!!!! :p:p:bunny:

[promises]

just jumping in because this seems like a bit of a spat and I'm in a fightin' mood!! :laugh::laugh:

[wanting more]

Your relationship is impossible. I don't understand what you're hoping to get out of it. 3 years with some one you can't be with physically, can't hold hands, can't kiss, can't look into each others eyes (I've never been in a LDR so I don't really understand it) You seem to know it can't or won't go anywhere, why do you stay?

[stevie_23]

Reading the advice about ending the A has seeped into my brain.

 

I had been in an almost 2 year relationship with my ex up until he ended things a month ago. I am still heartbroken. We were so in love, and I still love him and I believe he still loves me, but…too many things were in our way.

 

We both have SO. His is a snooper and found out about is 4 times over the 2 years we were together. The last time was when he left me. Even though 2 months prior, he said if she did find out again we would not be over. *sigh* Seems that was not true.

 

We planned to somehow be together in “real life”, but neither of us had any money, we both have SO who we care about and he is way older than me (61, I’m 34) and so…realistically we never would have really been together I think.

 

We were content to go along as we had been forever, chatting online as much as we could, texting as much as we could, doing videos for each other, and above all, just loving each other. But our time was becoming more and more restricted. He was only able to have contact with me when his wife was at work and not at home. He got a new job which took up more of his time. So…he ended it.

 

Maybe it was for the best. Maybe it was a dying relationship. I just kind of always assumed I’d be the one to drift out of the relationship in a few more years when my feelings for him began to fade.

[whichwayisup]

If we are caught again we run the risk of our SO leaving US but everyday of those 6 months without eachogher I cried inside. It hurt so bad not being in each others life. So what do we do?

 

So what is the point of it all? Really think about it.

 

You (both) are scared to be caught (again) and have your spouses leave. if you two love each other that much, then DIVORCE and be together. Problem solved. To continue on as you both are now is cruel to your spouses, and selfish. Sorry to be blunt - But really, what is going on now isn't working. Lying, sneaking around, cheating, etc..etc.. Just come clean, lay it all out there for everybody to decide what and who they want. That's the honest way of handling this, instead of what is going on now.