Badger4515 Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 (edited) Hi all, New to the site here and need a little bit of advice from some of you. Hopefully you can help me out, I will try and make it short. So I work in the same complex with someone and have had some feelings for them for a long time, nothing crazy but there has always been an attraction (mutual I believe) but she had a boyfriend for a long time. There has been times in the past where we had been out and things could have progressed but I always respected her relationship and made sure to avoid anything that would cause problems with her relationship. One of these times in the past she mentioned that she found me attractive (or something along those lines) Fast forward to about 2 months ago now and she had broken up with her boyfriend. Well we ended up getting together one night and had been drinking and things happened...now while I know we were intoxicated she once again mentioned that she had always had a thing for me..now not having the best of self confidence myself, this combined with what happened made me feel pretty good about myself....until the next day when she asked me if we could forget about what had happened. Needless to say (or maybe not) this made me feel pretty crappy about myself. I mean I get that she is still going through emotions and stuff to do with the ex, but now I just feel so crappy about myself and hate the idea that one day something could have come of us but now feel like this ruined it all. I'm trying really hard to respect her request to forget about what happened but I also cant deny that it is making me really unhappy and to add to that I feel like she just feels uncomfortable around me now...and I feel like I don't want to go to work because I will end up seeing her at different times during the day What are my options, or do I have any at all? At this point ill take any advice Thanks for taking time to hear me Badge Edited January 8, 2013 by Badger4515 forgot a word in title Link to post Share on other sites
NoMagicBullet Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Hey Badger, I know this isn't great consolation, but she's just a mess right now after her breakup. There is some level of attraction, obviously, but she probably has a lot of mixed feelings about sleeping with you (she works in the same complex, she still has feelings for her boyfriend, etc), but I think her mixed feelings are more about the act of sex than about you specifically. I doubt she knew that you've been holding a torch for her so long. It's hard not to feel bad about it, but there's nothing wrong with you, and there's nothing you can do differently about it all. The only thing you could have done was not sleep with her, but that still wouldn't change the fact that she's still getting over her ex. You can't really say it ruined it all, because it all didn't exist yet between you anyway. People after breakups really should not be dating or sleeping with other people so soon, but it seems few of those people exercise sufficient self-control. And sometimes it's hard not to go after someone we want when they make themselves available, even if they're not really available. (Been There, Done That, Got the T-shirt.) Just give her space. Avoid her if you have to. Don't let your confidence take a hit for this, because it wasn't about you; you were ready for her, she wasn't ready for you, that's all. Link to post Share on other sites
redleader Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 First, this is why workplace relationships are not a good idea, but I'm sure you are realizing that now... But since it is there now, be careful, this has the makings for you being her rebound guy. She's not over her BF at all yet, be respectful and give her time to let the loud in her mind quiet down. Sounds like she has liked you a while, she probably still does, but getting with you was too soon and now she is backpeddling and not sure what to do with herself, the residuals of the ex boyfriend are still fresh in her head, and now you are in the mix emotionally as well. She is likely overwhelmed as to be expected. You have no reason to feel bad here man. She was the one who realized she did something she wasn't ready for, if anything you can thank her for not dragging you through the mud with her as her support system with the breakup. Don't let this crush you bud, it wasn't anything you did to "ruin" anything. It probably isn't as messed up as you think it is. I recommend patience until she has time to sort out her feelings. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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