jen1234 Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 last wednesday i had my karate lesson from my 24 year old instructor, (i'm 26) and we went out for a bite to eat with another instructor and students and we all had a great, great time. then it came time for us to leave and the other students took off and the other instructor agreed to meet me & instructor at another bar for a nightcap. so we go- - sperately- and the other instructor doesnt show up. ok. its just us now and all of a sudden it is awkward and weird....and this is not the first time we have hung out.... he gets defensive and tells me that he feels that i blame him for my lack of advancement in my learning, that i need to try to train more (i go 1 time/week)often and that i need to study harder - - -bla bla bla. i say , look- -and i've said THIS ALL BEFORE ---i'm not as interested in obtaining a belt as i am interested in having a GOOD TIME, exercising, etc. i love love love to learn and you are a great instructor--- im not trying to make myself into an olympian. i think youre a great treacher, i have fun with you, and want to continue as we are, unless you want to stop. he says,'' ok, we'll continue, but i dont want want you to feel that you arent progressing b/c of me - - would you like to try learning/practicing with someone else?" i say no, i dont want to learn anyone else, or their techniques, and we have weeks of lessons already done....ok, so we are both feeling better, and we leave...goodnight, see you tomorrow... ...since my lesson the day before was cut short, i was supposed to pick it up the next day,- -i get there and my instructor has me with someone else???????????? new guy says, ''your instructor is running late/double booked- - - bla bla bla and i'm teaching you today.'' .....we do the lesson, and the new kid says ''ok, next time we'll do this and that and learn bla bla''. i said -- "what? are you my new teacher? what is going on? i'm talking to my original teacher before i take any more lessons'' new kid says ''apparantly he has too many students and i'm going to be teaching you for awhile if thats ok.'' i say IT'S NOT. IT'S MY $- -I THINK THIS SHOULD BE DISCUSSED. I SHOULD DECIDE WHO I AM COMFORTABLE WITH , ETC... So i leave, and think, maybe he got in trouble for hanging out with students? i dont know, but now im feeling really bad, so i call his cell and leave a message- -'hay, i dont understand what happened today, but im hoping you didnt have to ''trade'' me b/c you were associating w/ students outside of class, etc. ....call when you can'' HE CALLS RIGHT BACK - - -i mean 3 minutes later and says, ''i really wanted you to work with someone else b/c i was thinking you might do better.'' i was like, ''did WE NOT DISCUSS THIS LAST NIGHT? i dont want a new teacher. period. i dont want to have to xplain everything i have/havent learned to someone new- -this is becoming NOT fun for me. if you do not want to continue as my instructor, tell me'' he says ok,- - i will be your teacher- - i say , ok we will talk more next week. we could barely hear each other --not getting good reception on our cell's ok..........so i really think he traded me to another teacher for another reason other than ''i wanted to see if you'd do better with him''. i think that was crap, crap, crap. but i cannot figure out if he did it b/c he likes me, or DOESNT like me, etc...my head is spinning. we have hung out for lunch after lessons - -just the 2 of us, gone out for a drink after a lesson- - just the 2 of us, and he has given me huge, under the table class discounts-i feel the connection, the mutual interest, but this weird-o behavior is sending me into a tailspin -anyway, today - a week later, i havent made an appointment for another lesson -- i feel a bit embarrassed, confused, flustered- i just dont know what to do- -or more importantly, how to read him. neither one of us have a significant other, but maybe my being older (albeit not by much)is a deterrant?....really confused Link to post Share on other sites
Jaquio Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 OK, This may seem a little harsh but, I would have dropped you right when you said "I want to have fun". Really. I've been an Instructor for 20 years and come across many wanna be students. You have to understand luv that it is an art, YES, but one for SELF DEFENSE. Therfore if you do not learn how to DEFEND yourself, your instructor really ISN'T doing his job. See, he more than likely had people that are really there to learn Self defense and therefore did not want to waste time with you. Yes waste time Hon. There is NOTHING wrong with hanging out with students, that builds relationships and only makes the school stronger. Why don't you go take Tae Bo?????? That is fun. You may not be aware, but your attitude may be messing with other's moral. Seems like you are looking for a pick up spot. Martial arts is not PLAY, it is a serious art and the fact that you don't seem to realize it, should be more or less a turn OFF to him/them than a turn on darling. Sorry, but you need to know. Yes I am Female, straight and in the arts for 26 years total. Get a clue. It's not Bally's. Link to post Share on other sites
Jennifer1234 Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 hi - -thanks for your ''constructive'' advice - however, i think this web-site is meant to be used by kind, considerate, empathetic peers searching for safe outlets, and others to bounce concerns, situations and personal difficulties off of - -as far as "get a clue" - you can take ''advice'' like that somewhere else - -i'm not looking for anything sugar-coated; but i-- and the rest of loveshackers -are looking for respect and conversation that doesn't attack or insult the member. try again - -and thanks, i dont need bally's Link to post Share on other sites
Jaquio Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 Jen, Sorry if I came over way harsh, but I have read your post and see nothing out of line with what I wrote. Maybe the real issue is the directness of my words. I don't know any other way to say it luv. If you are not there to learn SELF DEFENSE then the attention that you are receiving from your instructor is more than likely disdain. After all you told him that you were there to have FUN during a time that he trying to teach you how to survive. Do you really think that is an attribute to you? Not with standing the fact that he put you off on another instructor (Probably a senior classmate). It's not so hard to see this picture Jen. You may not need a Bally's but you sure don't need to be in a Do-Jo. Maybe if you got serious he would like you. Really it seems like he does not want to deal with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Jennifer1234 Posted August 24, 2004 Share Posted August 24, 2004 right- -thanks - -we've been out a few times since my post and things are progressing nicely - - despite my lack of intense interest in karate.... Link to post Share on other sites
Jaquio Posted August 24, 2004 Share Posted August 24, 2004 I'm sure Link to post Share on other sites
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