Does the early going look rosier in retrospect?

[Mrlonelyone]

I have been wondering today after reading threads in other parts of this forum.

 

Does the early going in a relationship look rosier in retrospect. You know like, after one has been together or married for years does the uncertainty of the early relationship look less significant? Do we make up and then buy into a myth of "us" as a couple "meant to be"?

 

I've never been in a relationship long enough to answer this question myself, sorry to say, that's why I'm asking.

[Els]

I'm not sure exactly what you mean. "Rosier" in what sense? Do you mean that we remember it as better than it really felt at the time?

[xxoo]

Well, sure, we tend to forget pain in time.

 

I can accurately report that we were magnetically attracted and wanted to spend all our time together from the beginning (friends and family will confirm). But, yeah, I mostly forget all the tears and fights from the early years as we learned how to resolve conflict through trial and error.

 

I wouldn't call it uncertainty, though. Breaking up was never a consideration. But we were young and stupid

[Mrlonelyone]

I'm not sure exactly what you mean. "Rosier" in what sense? Do you mean that we remember it as better than it really felt at the time?

 

Exactly. We forget the uncertainty, we forget the fights, we forget the others who may have distracted us briefly, we forget that there was ever any question we would be with who we have been with.

 

In long married / partnered couples it sure seems that way to me.

 

Kinda like how you can look back at horrible things and see humor in them years latter.

[Ninja'sHusband]

I don't remember a lot of uncertainty in the earlier years. Maybe that's why you don't make it long term.

[BetheButterfly]

I have been wondering today after reading threads in other parts of this forum.

 

Does the early going in a relationship look rosier in retrospect. You know like, after one has been together or married for years does the uncertainty of the early relationship look less significant? Do we make up and then buy into a myth of "us" as a couple "meant to be"?

 

I've never been in a relationship long enough to answer this question myself, sorry to say, that's why I'm asking.

 

Have you ever asked couples who are older and love each other? My grandparents on my Mom's side loved each other very much for almost 50 years of marriage!!! My Mamaw died right before their 50th wedding anniversary. Their joy and love for each other was beautiful to see.

 

Some of their key advice is to enjoy each moment together and see it as an adventure, and to not put each other down, insult, or say mean things to each other.

 

They began life in a different time. They both started working in factories when they were 12 years old. (I am glad that is illegal now, but they were both from poor families where they helped support their families, and my Papaw sadly had an alcoholic father who used to beat his mom... he basically had the responsibility of taking care of his family financially since his dad spent the money he earned on booze.)

 

My Mamaw and Papaw got married when they were 16 years old. They didn't have much of a childhood, obviously. They had very strong family convictions though and also enjoyed having fun together. They loved their 4 daughters very much and Mamaw was the heart of the family. As her eldest grandchild, I had the most time with her and miss her very much, as well as her other grandkids miss her too.

 

They were very instrumental in showing that marriages and love can become old with beauty, grace like powerful trees, and can most definitely inspire others to reach for the skies too!

[BetheButterfly]

 

I can accurately report that we were magnetically attracted and wanted to spend all our time together from the beginning (friends and family will confirm). But, yeah, I mostly forget all the tears and fights from the early years as we learned how to resolve conflict through trial and error.

 

That's cool!

[Mrlonelyone]

Have you ever asked couples who are older and love each other? My grandparents on my Mom's side loved each other very much for almost 50 years of marriage!!! My Mamaw died right before their 50th wedding anniversary. Their joy and love for each other was beautiful to see.

 

Some of their key advice is to enjoy each moment together and see it as an adventure, and to not put each other down, insult, or say mean things to each other.

 

They began life in a different time. They both started working in factories when they were 12 years old. (I am glad that is illegal now, but they were both from poor families where they helped support their families, and my Papaw sadly had an alcoholic father who used to beat his mom... he basically had the responsibility of taking care of his family financially since his dad spent the money he earned on booze.)

 

My Mamaw and Papaw got married when they were 16 years old. They didn't have much of a childhood, obviously. They had very strong family convictions though and also enjoyed having fun together. They loved their 4 daughters very much and Mamaw was the heart of the family. As her eldest grandchild, I had the most time with her and miss her very much, as well as her other grandkids miss her too.

 

They were very instrumental in showing that marriages and love can become old with beauty, grace like powerful trees, and can most definitely inspire others to reach for the skies too!

 

Closest I come to that is my parents. Together ( more or less) for 40 years married for 32 years this month. As my mother puts it they've lasted because they don't talk anymore than they have to.