Jay223 Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I have four children. I've been with my wife since high school. 16+ years. We live well, bills stress us both the hell out. I really used to go nuts on her in terms of other guys. Insecurity, etc. In my older age, I like to think Im getting somewhat of a grip on that, but i still get the anxiety whenever she does anything outside of the house. I think I've figured the feeling out though, Im not sure if its as much of me worrying about her, as much as me feeling like im being betrayed or slighted because she gets to go out and i dont. I mean I could go out, but I don't because I give her all kinds of hell when she does... which ends up meaning I put myself in a bind whenever I want to do anything. Neither of us go to the bar or anything like that. She did have a thing where she used to play on a coed volleyball team, but i made sure she knew i was very uncomfortable with that, especially when she would start getting game times and stuff texted to her from one of the guys on teh team. nothing questionable, that i saw at least. Whats crazy is I think that I am turning into a giant f***g pansy in my old age. Ive just started working out the past few months again, and its weird, I find myself holding myself back constantly for fear that she will want the same things. For example, I wont go and play basketball and then go over to my buddies in teh same week for fear that she will say "well i should be allowed to do that too" Both of our parents are gone, so it is so incredibly hard to find advice on how to handle these situations... whats right? what do we do? I want to be able to go out, but I get anxiety when she does. I feel like I know her personality and she is a go with the flow type of person and im a control freak. I know i wont get into any trouble, but i dont trust that she wont. Why is that? I've caught her in lies before, some big, some small... wether its as small as "yes i did go get coffee" or as big as "yes i did borrow money from my aunt so we could make ends meet" but the problem is Im CONSTANTLY loojking for lies... whereas, she doesnt. If she catches me in a lie, its by chance... she doesnt go looking for it. I dont know im all over the place here.. i just cant figure out what the hell is going on in my head. I feel like im losing my mind because all I want is for her to be home all the time, whenever i need her where I know shes not getting into trouble. This in turn will make me an incredibly poor parent as my kids get older and i realize that.... God someone is gonna tell me i need mental help... that blows. I try my primary care doc and they say i need sleep and im exhausted... i say i want a shrink but i cant get a referral... Ugh... maybe im just a pu**y and I need to man up. Maybe i dont do enough for myself... maybe my self esteem is so extremely fuc**d I dont know what to do. Mayube my problem is Ive had no usable guidance from my parents. Sweet lord.....Im a damn wreck. Link to post Share on other sites
Turtles Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Wow, it's a sad story, I am going to go ahead and save that post to make sure I never turn out like this. Sorry and I hope you figure it out. I'm sorry I really don't have any advice to offer other than grow some balls. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninja'sHusband Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I would say individual counseling which it sounds he's pursued. Do you need a referral? Maybe just pick someone close and see how it goes? Link to post Share on other sites
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