Moni615 Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 My boyfriend and i have been together for about 1 year. We used to live together but i had to move back home to finish school. One day i was visiting him on a weekend and we decided to go to the movies, suddenly he gets a call on his cell and he looks at it and ignores it, 5 mins later he gets the call again and this time i leaned over to see who it was and i told him to pick it up and he said hold on ill be back. When he comes back he says it was an some gurl from high school wanting to see how he was doing and he told her not call anymore. On another time i was there she called again and i asked him, i thought she wasn't gonna call anymore and he said i dunno lemme check so he leaves the room and comes back and said he took care of it. The next time she called he ignored it and so i got upset and i called that number on my cell and asked did somebody call and she said yea i wanted to talk to his brother and i said will this isnt his phone and she started to get alittle snippy at me and my boyfriend started to yell and told me hang up, so i did. He finally did come clean and he said it was his exgirlfriend but he doesnt know why she is calling all the time. He had some trouble with his phone and he needed some help paying it, so i told him id pay for his cell. I went online and paid for it and couldnt help myself but i decided to see if he called that number. I noticed that there were 49 min, 30min, 15 min calls all within a months time. Of course i cant confront him about that, he probably wouldnt forgive me. He has already lied to me to my face, he says that he doesnt call her but he does. I dunno what to do, i love him and i knew he loves me but he doesnt wanna talk about that gurl (I would bring her up alot and ask alot of questions) he promised me that he would change his number as soon as he pays his bill this month. I agreed that i would stop buggin him about it and he promised he wouldnt leave the room when she calls. . (FYI: he is really really stubborn, hates being accused of things and he says when i ask him all those questions and when i called her he thinks that i dont trust him, but it wouldnt be at level its at if he hadnt lied. When we started dating he used to call his ex's to see how they were doing but i told him i didnt feel comfortable with that so he didnt call anymore) I dont think he is cheating cuz we call each other alot, try to see each other on weekends if his work doesnt get in the way or if it does i go over there. Sometimes i think he doesnt pick up when im there becuz he is scared im gonna go off on her and say something. I dont know what to do what do u guys think?? What should i do if im there when she calls? ***Sorry if this is so long i didnt know how to shorten it*** Link to post Share on other sites
loveregardless Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 whether or not he is being unfaithful, there is no reason why he should be having any lenghty conversations with his ex. What you should do about it--I don't know. But that is not an ok thing. Link to post Share on other sites
swtbonita Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 he has lied to you over and over again about this girl.. and it seems like he is still not talking to her in front of you, since he calls her to talk.. I know my bf's ex gf calls once and a while like every few months, which is fine because he talks to her in front of me and he has nothing to hide.. if you bf is hiding something i think there is a problem.. I would question why they broke up and why they are continuing to talk after such a long time.. And if he gets a new number and she still calls.. then you should confront him that you know he calls her.. you have to talk to him about it.. because he should understand how you feel about the situation.. Link to post Share on other sites
Jaquio Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 Ugh, Sorry but it appears that he has something to hide hon. Don't think she would keep putting herself out there to be rejected for nothing. The fact that he HAS called her (Period) and it was for a substantial amount of time (Each time) should tell you all that you need to know. maybe you don't want to see it but he is playing you. Run! There is only hurt at the end of this road Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moni615 Posted August 19, 2004 Author Share Posted August 19, 2004 He used to call his exgirlfriends when we first started dating to check up on them and see how they were doing and i told him that i didnt feel comfortable with him doing that so he stopped as far as i know. He started again. Link to post Share on other sites
Jaquio Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 Mon, Please don't buy what he is selling He said, he said, the proof is in what he DOES honey not what he SAYS. Why would he call and CHECK UP on any of his ex's. The only time they do that is when they want back in or want to make sure that their "Booty calls" are still intact. Wish it wasn't so. Unless he is guy, no guy is checking his xes Honestly he was trying to sell you the moon when he told you that he stopped. Maybe he did, in your presence. Link to post Share on other sites
youcandealw/it Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 it sounds like you have a big problem. i think your problem is him. it sounds like he thinks he is getting his cake and eating it too.(if you get my drift.) dump him and find another man.i wouldn't be paying for any more of his cell bills anymore if i were you. love em, leave em, **** em, forget em Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 I had a similar issue with one of my bfs ex. Nice girl, but a total emotional basket case. She moved out of town to be back with her family, and called once in a while. My bf is a nice guy, and would talk to her...like I say maybe 1 per month. After we had been together for a while, I told him that had to stop. He promised..and then christmas came around and she called to wish him happy holidays. He called back. arggg... I saw his phone bill and I saw he had left her a message. I asked him, he lied. I confessed I knew...and we talked a lot about trust. He may not agree with my rules...but this is important to me. I do not want my bf being the ex- security blanket, and frankly what is the big deal about keeping up with some people he had a fling with? In a relationship, you care about each other's feelings..this is something that is important to me, so he should do it out of respect. I am not asking him to drop his best friend. The same applies to you. Trust is a weird thing..no easy to regain. We are trying and working things through..and I hope that stopped. But, I never know. He does know that next time I find out that he has communicated in a way or shape with an ex, that is it for me. Strict? yes, but I give a lot, and I compromise a lot...so this should not be huge. It is a deal breaker for me. This guy is lying to you repeately to your face...no easy...and having long conversations with this woman...and talking to her away from you. If it is knowing, why doesn't he talk in front of you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moni615 Posted August 20, 2004 Author Share Posted August 20, 2004 Yea, i know what you mean ive already told him that if i find out that your calling or shes calling you thats it. I told him i know that your 19 and guys his age tend to do that kinda stuff but i told him to not be foolish and ruin it over some gurl calling. Now, cant stop checking his phone bill, i cant help myself now. If he does end up calling her and i find out by the next phone bill, i cant really confront him about that or else he'll know ive been checkin his calls. Ill remind him again soon if this continues im saying byebye to us. Link to post Share on other sites
lovelost Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 If you don't trust him that is a huge problem. iknow how it is to check up and then can't stop checking. It will only lead you to not trust even more. I'd say express again that you don't feel comfortable and also let him know that you don't feel respected because this is not the firsttime you had to say that to him and it keeps happening. If that doesn't work, give him some space and let him figure out that not respecting your wishes can turn into a permanent void in his life. Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 I agree with the others. The fact that he lied to you (more than once) is a major red flag. If he wasn't hiding something why would he have to leave the room? I think you really need to talk to him, you paid his bill, just tell him that you saw where he'd been calling her and you want to know why. Be honest, after all, isn't that what you want from him? Link to post Share on other sites
Jaquio Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 DJames, It seems like you just have attachment issues. Does not seem like it is about her, but about having someone there period. There is also 2 things called "Karma" and "retribution" and they have both come home to roost. You left your WIFE and KIDS for a woman with a "Not so good attitude"? She must be really Hot huh? Must have been, but you give her no reason to want you honey. The fact that she was able to pull you away from your family shows her that you are WEAK. Too weak for her to want to commit to, so she continues looking for other men with no intention of settling on you. In short, when you left your family is more than likely when her thrill left. She knows what you are talking about, but more than likely does not care. Sorry to be harsh, but there is no woman worth dirt that would seriously settle on a man willing to leave his KIDS along with his wife for her. Link to post Share on other sites
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