Author mavendark Posted January 15, 2013 Author Share Posted January 15, 2013 My post is irrelevant now. I hope you two can work through this! We've generally gotten over it as a couple (he doesn't bring it up anymore and I don't, he tries harder to tell me how much I mean to him and how much he loves me, etc.), but I have not yet gotten over it myself. I constantly question everything he says to me and wonder if he's said it to his ex before, etc. etc., and I try harder and harder to please him just for my own sanity's sake. I recognize that it is a consistent problem within myself (my insecurity), and I think that I will go to therapy for this because this problem has been following me around for forever, and I would like to fix it. It's seriously affected my relationships in the past and I would not like it to get in the way of this one. Unfortunately since I don't have a job right now, I can't afford it. But once I get a job, I am pretty confident I will go see a therapist about my self esteem, insecurity, trust and confidence issues. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 Actaully you pretty much nailed it. I spoke to him again yesterday. And he told me that he never had this situation happen to him before and he doesn't know how to act around me anymore. He says that he feels guilty and ashamed and that he feels like he's some sort of sexual deviant, which he's not because he wasn't in a relationship with me when he recorded that. So it wasn't like he was cheating on me or anything. He says he was wrong to have kept it in his computer (accidentally) but he shouldn't have felt guilty that he did what he did with his previous girlfriend, since I didn't exist to him back then. But yet, he did feel guilty and I think that's where he got mad at himself (and me I suppose). After I heard that I made it plenty clear that he should not be thinking like that. As much as I tried to keep it civil and cool and calm as well as rational, unfortunately it did blow up and went way downhill from there. I won't go into the details but we've managed to kind of sort it out. I've made it clear to him what I need in these types of situations (comfort, not being aloof and mad) and I've also made it clear that he should not feel like he's a pervert. Unfortunately he also made it clear to me that someone (like me) who is insecure should not be in a relationship, and that I keep having expectations of him to do certain things (like comfort me). He is most likely right in that extent but bringing that up when I am already shaken after seeing that stuff did not really help the situation. In any case, he knew I felt bad and ended up comforting me in the end. I just hope that these issues do not end up staying in our relationship and driving a wedge between us. Ummmm.....NO. That's a feeble attempt at blame shifting. Believe me, if the shoe was on the other foot and he saw a video of you being intimate with an Ex would have scarred him pretty bad. He would be a little upset seeing you in the throws of passion and seeing the lust and enjoyment on your face. He would start asking himself, if you enjoyed sex with your Ex more than him, if he was better thean him, if he was bigger than him.....blah...blah... and trust me, he would be looking for comfort and resurrance as well. So, don't buy into that crap. He's just feeling really guilty and he wants to relieve some of that burden off on you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Later82012 Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 (edited) Did you watch those videos? Do those videos look like they were made with her consent? If not, he could be making videos of you too. I wonder sometimes how many people think of the possibility that some of these pictures and videos might make it to the internet later? Edited January 15, 2013 by Later82012 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mavendark Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 Did you watch those videos? Do those videos look like they were made with her consent? If not, he could be making videos of you too. I wonder sometimes how many people think of the possibility that some of these pictures and videos might make it to the internet later? Yes she was aware that these videos were being filmed. I doubt that these will end up on the internet, and even if they do, I do not care since it's of her. Ummmm.....NO. That's a feeble attempt at blame shifting. Believe me, if the shoe was on the other foot and he saw a video of you being intimate with an Ex would have scarred him pretty bad. He would be a little upset seeing you in the throws of passion and seeing the lust and enjoyment on your face. He would start asking himself, if you enjoyed sex with your Ex more than him, if he was better thean him, if he was bigger than him.....blah...blah... and trust me, he would be looking for comfort and resurrance as well. So, don't buy into that crap. He's just feeling really guilty and he wants to relieve some of that burden off on you. Yeah, part of me figures as much. I don't want to be blind to the fact that I am incredibly insecure, especially after seeing those videos, but at the same time I don't want him to shift the blame completely onto me either. Unfortunately it is really tough for me to show him in any way that he is blame shifting and it is tough for him to realize that himself. I wouldn't know how to get through to him. Anywho, it seems like some counseling might need to be scheduled for the future... Link to post Share on other sites
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