Vaughn2885 Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 My partner and I have been together for 4 years, and during the 4 years I made a stupid mistake, and they also made a stupid mistake. This has caused both of us to have to learn how to trust the other one again. At this point, it looks like my partner is able to do this... they're gaining friends (which is good) trying to go back to school (which is good) taking up for themselves (which is also good). However, I find myself so wrapped up in them that I can't seem to focus on myself. Whenever I get ready to do something or say something I always think about how my partner is involved and wether or not it will hurt them in anyway. This is starting to cause a bit of a depression for me, and I'm currently self-medicating with St. John's Wort due to this. My question is: For anyone who has had trouble in their marriage, how were you able to stay with that person, trust them... yet move on with your life and live for yourself. If this post is too vague, please let me know and I'll add more detail. I'm not even sure if this is the correct board to do this on. Thank you so much for your assistance! Link to post Share on other sites
BehindBlueEyes Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Look in the mirror. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 OP, can you visualize your personal needs, wants and desires as being equally as valuable and healthy as your partner's? One way to test this is to reflect upon whether or not, during any particular period of time, you find yourself predominantly putting your 'stuff' aside for your partner to take center stage. Then, compare to other periods of time. Is there balance? If unbalanced, catch up on that 'stuff' you've put aside, proactively, and assign positive emotions to it. It's good for you and good for your relationship. IMO, that's focusing on yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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