Overreacting or reason to be doubtful?

[karmagal]

I have been reading through the threads here and am impressed at the advice given, so I wanted to post my own issue because, although lots of threads address certain parts of my problem, I haven't come across my specific problem anywhere.

 

There are trust issues already in my marriage due to my husband's history of lying -- paychecks not matching hours worked, money unaccounted for from the bank account, leaving the house over petty arguments and staying gone for days/weeks at a time and not answering his phone, et cetera.

 

One long-standing issue has been his phone usage. He WILL NOT use his phone at home, but still manages to use about 1,800 minutes a month from his car, to and from work, during lunch/break, random trips to the gas station, et cetera. It may be totally innocent; I just find it weird that he talks that much, but only when he's not here. He usually leaves his phone in his car on the weekends/after work; and if he does remember to bring it in the house, if it rings, he will not answer it, ever. I logged in to the phone account today to update the payment info with our new debit card info and clicked on the texting history. He has been sending/receiving texts between 3:00 and 4:00 in the morning. Trust me when I say that none of us are ever up that early.

 

When I asked him about it, it was like WWIII. He said I was crazy, the phone company had the times wrong, anything but answer the question of who he was texting that early in the morning. Now he is giving me the infamous silent treatment, which happens every time he gets "caught" in something that he doesn't have a ready, plausible explanation for.

 

So my question is: Am I just overreacting because of his history and my already not fully trusting him, or does it seem to anyone else that he's hiding something? I'm convinced that there's someone else; he keeps trying to tell me that I'm nuts. Of course, I wouldn't really expect him to say anything other than that, if it were true. I am sick to my stomach right now.

[jwi71]

I have been reading through the threads here and am impressed at the advice given, so I wanted to post my own issue because, although lots of threads address certain parts of my problem, I haven't come across my specific problem anywhere.

 

There are trust issues already in my marriage due to my husband's history of lying -- paychecks not matching hours worked, money unaccounted for from the bank account, leaving the house over petty arguments and staying gone for days/weeks at a time and not answering his phone, et cetera.

 

One long-standing issue has been his phone usage. He WILL NOT use his phone at home, but still manages to use about 1,800 minutes a month from his car, to and from work, during lunch/break, random trips to the gas station, et cetera. It may be totally innocent; I just find it weird that he talks that much, but only when he's not here. He usually leaves his phone in his car on the weekends/after work; and if he does remember to bring it in the house, if it rings, he will not answer it, ever. I logged in to the phone account today to update the payment info with our new debit card info and clicked on the texting history. He has been sending/receiving texts between 3:00 and 4:00 in the morning. Trust me when I say that none of us are ever up that early.

 

When I asked him about it, it was like WWIII. He said I was crazy, the phone company had the times wrong, anything but answer the question of who he was texting that early in the morning. Now he is giving me the infamous silent treatment, which happens every time he gets "caught" in something that he doesn't have a ready, plausible explanation for.

 

So my question is: Am I just overreacting because of his history and my already not fully trusting him, or does it seem to anyone else that he's hiding something? I'm convinced that there's someone else; he keeps trying to tell me that I'm nuts. Of course, I wouldn't really expect him to say anything other than that, if it were true. I am sick to my stomach right now.

 

His behavior, as posted, is consistent with an affair.

 

Dig deeper, hope for the best but I would expect the worst.

 

If possible, get up at 2am and use his phone to text or call that number. Alternatively, use one of those online reverse number lookup's (and pay for it) to get the name, address and etc of that number.

[MrWindupBird]

Usually a series of strange coincidences lead to a giant lie.

 

The text idea often works. The phone, though, should be treated like a fish on the line. If you're not patient, he'll get a second phone, and the resource will be gone.

 

I wish you luck.

[thomasb]

He's hiding something. My guess is a lover also. Snoop.

[Nyla]

I have been reading through the threads here and am impressed at the advice given, so I wanted to post my own issue because, although lots of threads address certain parts of my problem, I haven't come across my specific problem anywhere.

 

There are trust issues already in my marriage due to my husband's history of lying -- paychecks not matching hours worked, money unaccounted for from the bank account, leaving the house over petty arguments and staying gone for days/weeks at a time and not answering his phone, et cetera.

 

One long-standing issue has been his phone usage. He WILL NOT use his phone at home, but still manages to use about 1,800 minutes a month from his car, to and from work, during lunch/break, random trips to the gas station, et cetera. It may be totally innocent; I just find it weird that he talks that much, but only when he's not here. He usually leaves his phone in his car on the weekends/after work; and if he does remember to bring it in the house, if it rings, he will not answer it, ever. I logged in to the phone account today to update the payment info with our new debit card info and clicked on the texting history. He has been sending/receiving texts between 3:00 and 4:00 in the morning. Trust me when I say that none of us are ever up that early.

 

When I asked him about it, it was like WWIII. He said I was crazy, the phone company had the times wrong, anything but answer the question of who he was texting that early in the morning. Now he is giving me the infamous silent treatment, which happens every time he gets "caught" in something that he doesn't have a ready, plausible explanation for.

 

So my question is: Am I just overreacting because of his history and my already not fully trusting him, or does it seem to anyone else that he's hiding something? I'm convinced that there's someone else; he keeps trying to tell me that I'm nuts. Of course, I wouldn't really expect him to say anything other than that, if it were true. I am sick to my stomach right now.

 

I think that your husband is probably cheating on you. Leaving the house for weeks and not answering the phone? Suspicious phone activity? Sounds like he has a woman on the side and your intuition is trying to tell you that.

 

He has already shown you that he is very untrustworthy and you cannot have a happy marriage with someone who cannot be honest.

 

Keep looking for information and when you find proof, decide if you want to stay or go.

[standtall]

Karma...a third party is lurking. Most likely another woman, but in today's world, it could be a guy.

[2sunny]

Yep, it's consistent with cheating behavior.

 

4 in the am may indicate someone in a different time zone.

 

When he picks a fight it gives him a reason to go to her for a visit.

 

Start checking further.

 

Do a search on the number he's texting and chatting with.

You need to find out who it is...even if you have to pay a fee together the info.

[NervisPervis]

There are trust issues already in my marriage due to my husband's history of lying -- paychecks not matching hours worked, money unaccounted for from the bank account,

 

leaving the house over petty arguments and staying gone for days/weeks at a time and not answering his phone, et cetera.

 

He WILL NOT use his phone at home, but still manages to use about 1,800 minutes a month from his car, to and from work, during lunch/break, random trips to the gas station, et cetera.

 

He has been sending/receiving texts between 3:00 and 4:00 in the morning. Trust me when I say that none of us are ever up that early.

 

When I asked him about it, it was like WWIII.

 

he is giving me the infamous silent treatment, which happens every time he gets "caught" in something that he doesn't have a ready, plausible explanation for.

 

So my question is: Am I just overreacting.

 

 

You should be able to get the phone records to see who he is calling from the car. See who he's texting at 3:00 in the morning. If he controls it and won't give them to you, you walk.

 

But, seriously? Look at that list I cleaned up. You should have a PI involved in this, or at least a lawyer. I coun't 4 individual accusations of activities that would bring any marriage to the breaking point BY ITSELF. After those 4, there's acting like a 5 year old, getting violent...

 

So my question is: Am I just overreacting...or does it seem to anyone else that he's hiding something?

 

He's hiding a lot. I'm not so sure finding it's all been an affair will be bad news. You've got to get away from this mess anyhow. Doing it because it's a woman is better in a lot of ways that doing it because it's drug dealers, or loan sharks (gambling) or the mob. Or all three.

 

Start with the phone records. That's low hanging fruit at this point. I'm guessing it's all you'll need.

[2sunny]

1800 minutes divided by 60 (an hour at a time) is 30.

 

So maybe he talks to another gal for an hour every day each month...?

[marianne123]

Gone for days? And his explanation when he returns? The early morning texts, are they every day or how often? Could be another woman/man who is around so early in the day, doing shift work or in another time zone or something seedy via phone. Do you ever catch him 'dreaming', with a smile on his face, seeming preoccupied in a pleasant way?

Best of luck anyway, won't be much help to you but I and millions of others have been in this situation.