Receiving Constructive Criticism

[ooglesnboogles]

After reading a book about someone who is very open about their faults and completely willing to do everything that will push them towards fixing those faults, I've decided to try to be more like them. For a very long time, I've had this odd sense of pride that makes me want to defend and control my image. I know it's irrational and not always necessary, but I keep it up. Probably because I'm afraid to admit I'm not as good at things as I think I am I'm not from a 'save face' culture but I've realized I sure do act like it. I've always been a bit young for my grade/appearance/group of friends and maybe it stems from trying to seem like I'm more mature, more ahead of my age. But I'll spare you the 'therapist's couch ponderations'

 

Now, oddly enough, I'm fairly good at giving constructive criticism. I'm very good at seeing multiple sides to things and getting the gist of how people think, so I can phrase things in a way that doesn't sound like I'm tearing them down or coming across as patronizing. Also why I tend to be a good moderator, I suppose.

 

 

Does anyone have any solid tips on receiving/asking for criticism? Maybe not even criticism, just advice. I also have trouble giving credit for advice that I follow that I initially disagreed with. I know everybody has some resistance to criticism, but I feel like I take it beyond what it should be.

 

Thanks!

[ooglesnboogles]

I suppose this post is slightly ironic, but it doesn't mean I'm not still looking for advice/criticism =P Anybody?

[carhill]

Does anyone have any solid tips on receiving/asking for criticism?

 

'I've been considering xxxx and have thought about the ramifications of it in my life. Do you have any experience and opinion to share on xxxx which might assist me?'

 

 

Also, when interacting, forming 'why' questions and making 'I' statements is helpful in forming a unity of feeling about the process.

 

'Why do you feel like you do about xxxx?'

 

'In the past, I've approached xxxx this way'

 

Etc, etc.

 

My viewpoint is, if a person's life isn't in danger, there's no need to drag them off the cliff at gunpoint. Doing so might get them off the cliff, but could also make them more resistant to similar approaches, or any approach, in the future. IMO, it's healthier for them to walk away from the edge voluntarily, again presuming their life is not in danger.

 

In psychological therapy (MC for us), the focus was on examining one's behavior and emotions, along with learning tools to use processing both. The sign of competence in the psychologist was knowing when the client was open to and accepting of constructive criticism as well as understanding how such criticisms would be perceived in the current psychological state. Such matters are best left to real life, personal and professional interactions where all forms of input can be sensed, validated and responded to, not merely words on a page, like I'm typing here. What's here is just a bunch of text formed as an opinion about a topic. The healthy stuff in the realm of receiving constructive criticism comes from looking someone in the eye, caring about them personally or professionally, and processing all the inputs in front of one.

 

Personally, my exW used to tell me I apologized too much. Therapy helped with that. There's a fine line between being accepting of criticism at the basic emotional level and becoming a doormat. I'm glad we worked through that.

 

Good luck.

[darkmoon]

i'd only take notice of sombody who manifestly knows better and more than me, and even then only if i asked a professional expert

 

no, don't ambush me with an opinion just because it's on your mind at the time, i'm pretty likely to undertake to never to do that to you either and to verbalize the deal there and then - ok?

Edited January 9, 2013 by darkmoon

[ooglesnboogles]

Maybe it's because I haven't had lunch yet but I'm not understanding anything either of you said

 

Let me clarify my original post: I want to make it easier for me to ask for and accept criticism on specific things to help me get better.

For example, I asked a friend to look over an artistic project I've been working on; we're about even in terms of skill and knowledge with this kind of project. First (being a friend) he said "seems pretty good to me" then added "but if we were nit picking, here's what I've got". That's exactly what I was looking for, that kind of constructive criticism to make me better at what I do, but my first instinct was to get defensive and throw his suggestions out the window. But, since I'm aware that that would be my first reaction and I didn't want to react that way, I took a deep breath and started the discussion. It helps that we were texting rather than face to face.

 

Basically, I know that I can figure most stuff out on my own over time but I also know that I can figure it out much faster if I ask for help and criticism on what I've done. Problem is, I have trouble asking for, then accepting the advice or criticism.

So I want to find different ways of approaching it that make me more comfortable/accepting/attentive/whatever to this.

 

 

Is that what you were explaining? If so, would you mind dumbing it down for me (I think I'm getting better at it already)