Finding it difficult to be happy being single

[Sun Devil]

I do look for someone with compatibility. To me, compatibility is very important. I would choose an average looking girl with lots of compatibility over a beautiful model who does not connect. If I do get a model, then great, but I am not rejecting average looking women

[daisybuchanan55]

To find certain types of people you should look online for forums or groups that cater to them. Just like this is a love forum, I'm sure there are forums for people with Aspberger's, shorter people etc. You should connect with that community. I bet you could meet a girl there.

 

Still, your utter obsession with finding love is going to be detrimental to the relationship once you find one. You're basing all your happiness on finding a woman. No one can derive 100% happiness from another person. I fear that even if you have a successful first date you will put WAY too much pressure on the relationship/girl.

 

I'm just being honest here, you need to change your expectations of finding a taller/better than average girl to date. There is a reason little people (I know you aren't a little person, just using it as an example) usually marry other little people; why overweight people are sometimes with other overweight people; why movie stars marry other movie stars. They are just on par with each other.

 

If you change your expectations and look in new places for women, you might have more success. You said you won't have any way to meet girls after college. That's simply not true. I actually think college campuses can be particularly brutal if you aren't stereotypically good-looking, not to mention many college kids aren't looking for a relationship but only for a hookup.

 

Also, I've seen you using all these PUA terms here and trust me, as a girl, they are turn-off to hear about. Girls are not aliens or another species. You don't need any tricks to get us to pay attention to you. What you need is confidence, humor, kindness and other qualities all decent humans should exhibit.

 

Your desperation is palpable and I'm sure it's probably coming through in your "cold approaches." You can't just walk up to a random girl and ask her out. No one will have success with that. You need to build a rapport and a connection. You need to make the girl feel special. It almost feels like you are throwing out proverbial darts and just hoping one sticks. It doesn't work like that.

 

You haven't made mention of some of the suggestions people have given which I think are good ones, such as:

 

1. Dating women of different ethnicities that tend to date shorter men: Mexican, Asian, etc.

 

2. Dating an actual "little person."

 

3. Working with a counselor SPECIFICALLY on becoming happier with yourself so you can attract more women with your personality.

 

Please consider these options! You never know

[Sun Devil]

I also approach women who are shorter than me and of different ethnicities, but the results are the same. They either have a boyfriend or are too busy to date. The reason that I say that college will be the last opportunity to meet girls is that I am going to be an engineer and there are virtually no women in engineering. I also will probably be busy working long hours which makes meeting women outside of work difficult. I never talk about pua with women offline. I already saved up money to buy a prostitute when I come back from vacation, so I will use one to remove my virginity.

[mahon451]

I also approach women who are shorter than me and of different ethnicities, but the results are the same. They either have a boyfriend or are too busy to date. The reason that I say that college will be the last opportunity to meet girls is that I am going to be an engineer and there are virtually no women in engineering. I also will probably be busy working long hours which makes meeting women outside of work difficult. I never talk about pua with women offline. I already saved up money to buy a prostitute when I come back from vacation, so I will use one to remove my virginity.

 

I work at an engineering firm, and half of our staff are female engineers. In my experience, college is a great place to get laid, but a horrible time/place to start or maintain a relationship. Also, when you ask gals out, how do you do it?

 

H8- you sound very bitter, and this is why you're still single. The guy you quoted sounded like he was trying to give you some tough love. Instead of talking about how you wanna kill him, try taking some of his advice.

[Sun Devil]

When I ask girls out, I usually suggest something fun. Sometimes, I suggest going to the movies. Other times, I would look up fun events going on in the city and ask her if she wants to come with me. I usually text since I do not know when would be a good time to call

[Jon Tenzo]

Hello Sun Devil,

 

I suggest we employ the following approach which has 3 over-arching strategies:

 

1) Determine how much exactly the Asperger's is getting in the way. I recommend seeking the advice of a Natropath or Alternative Medicine expert as Conventional Doctors have little-to-no insight in how to properly treat this condition. Try taking Omega-3s and making sure all of your vitamin levels are optimal. This is the critical foundation which will help you make the most out of any other life changes or adjustments you make to take this condition head on.

 

2) Adjust your standards. There are a few things you need (mostly just pure skill and luck) to get a 5'6 or 5'9 woman to be into you. Right now you don't have them but they can be attained. Is the height an absolute necessity? Make sure you prioritize all that you want in a partner because you had better be willing to throw everything else away if height is your main concern for her.

 

3) Try older women. OK I am biased and this is 100% true. However, this preference came in part because younger girls just weren't into me (they still aren't) so I like anyone else prefer people who prefer me. If you see a certain type of woman preferring you I say you should go for it.

 

 

Also if you are going to get an escort (please don't use the word prostitute because this implies you are going to get a street hooker) at the very least make sure she is a good one. Get a personal recommendation if you can. You don't want your first time to be with a nasty wench.

 

Another thing is don't feel bad or dirty. Plenty of young men throughout the ages (since The Great Alexander) have lost their virginity this way and there's nothing wrong with it as long as you use protection and don't get caught by Officer Billy Bob. Just use your better judgement and always check photo identification for age (along with using your common sense because fakes do exist).

 

I will say that while most women will naturally disagree and consider it filthy I think most men benefit from the occasional a safe encounter with a professional when they are in a dry spell. Usually your confidence increases and you care less about the outcome when you are courting women. Keeps your "wits sharp" as they used to say.

 

"H8- you sound very bitter, and this is why you're still single. The guy you quoted sounded like he was trying to give you some tough love. Instead of talking about how you wanna kill him, try taking some of his advice."

 

Mahon - I do have to disagree with you there that sort of advice is more fitting for another era. We do have a big problem in today's society where although women outnumber men in the U.S. we are having a harder time more than ever before in the dating department. There are many reasons for it (economy, contemporary social practices and lack of social skills overall, etc). Nevertheless, it's a big problem and any man that doesn't look like Brad Pitt is at a disadvantage and even some who do have problems these days.

[Sun Devil]

To answer your question

1. My Asperger's is mild and I have gotten better over the past few years. Making friends is easy for me.

2. A woman's height does not matter to me. I don't care if she is 4 feet tall or 6 feet tall. Her height means nothing to me. I just want to be able to get a girl to overlook my height

3. I am not into older women too much ( if she is only a few years older, then I wont have any issues). Besides, I am on a college campus. Most women older than me are the teachers and employees on campus. Most older women are already taken

4. I am almost certain I will use an escort in a couple of weeks unless I get a date. I will look for a good one on backpages

[Jon Tenzo]

Above all else my gut instinct tells me your reside in a town which is not that great for dating. Where are you?

[Sun Devil]

I live in phoenix. If you did not know, I am only 5 feet tall. I worry that my height is the issue why I am failing with women

[mahon451]

Mahon - I do have to disagree with you there that sort of advice is more fitting for another era. We do have a big problem in today's society where although women outnumber men in the U.S. we are having a harder time more than ever before in the dating department. There are many reasons for it (economy, contemporary social practices and lack of social skills overall, etc). Nevertheless, it's a big problem and any man that doesn't look like Brad Pitt is at a disadvantage and even some who do have problems these days.

 

I think we're gonna have to agree to disagree on this. I don't have the physical attractiveness of Brad Pitt (I'd rate myself as a solid 7.5 in the looks department- good-looking but not HOT), I'm strictly average in height and weight (5'11, 175 lbs.), I have an average income... and I'm probably average in every other "superficial" aspect. I haven't had trouble finding dates, hooking up, or entering into deep and committed realtionships... pretty much ever, with the exception of a few short dry spells in my mid-20s.

 

My advice? Stop hanging out on internet forums and go outside. Go to the gym. Go hiking. Go see some live music. Get a dog and hit the dog park. Anything that gets you out of the house and off your a**. Develop hobbies or interests that you can share with other people- music, sports, poetry, art, theater, cooking... pretty much anything that isn't a "passive" hobby will work.

 

When you ask a gal on a date, don't suggest the dinner/movie thing- do something more interactive and fun, like a hike/picnic, or a live show.

 

On a deeper level, and I know this sounds cliche, learn how to love yourself. If you can do this you a) won't need love or validation from anyone else and b) will have all of the self-confidence and charm to attract a plethora of potential mates. People are attracted to happy people.

 

Regarding the height thing- Prince is like 5'2 or something, and ladies LOVE him.

[BustedUpInside]

yeah well I have every right to be bitter about still being single, it's human instinct, nature to want companionship, and why is it wrong to be desperate for companionship?

 

I don't want you to think I am being mean, because I genuinely think you will able to find someone, but in my opinion, you don't have every right to be bitter.

 

The world doesn't owe you a "true love". Women don't owe you a date. Just because you want them doesn't mean that they owe it to you to give you a chance.

 

Now being lonely, that is an understandable emotion and one that I have a lot of empathy for.

 

I think that if you changed your attitude from one of entitlement and resentment to one of hope and possibility you would have a lot more luck. Instead of saying that there are no women out there who would like you and how it is not fair that you have to be single, you could say that while you haven't found someone yet, you are going to keep trying because out of all the people in the world there must be thousands (literally thousands!) of women who would be very happy and feel lucky to be in a relationship with you.

 

However, they are not going to just show up at your door. You have to look for them as they look for you and hopefully you guys will meet up in the middle somewhere

[BustedUpInside]

and it also pisses me off too that us guys are not supposed to want or need a girlfriend for validation, but it's okay the other way around

 

It's not ok either way. Everyone should be validating themselves, not looking for it in another person.

 

It is ok to want to be with somebody. Saying that you would like a girlfriend or admitting that you are lonely is fine.

 

I am just saying that a negative attitude will really impact your chances of finding the relationship that you say that you want.

[mahon451]

H8- I'm going to impart the wisdom of what I call the "Taco Truck Metaphor":

 

You can be the guy who wakes up at 5 am, seasons a bunch of meat with delicious spices, makes pico de gallo by hand, chops up a bunch of onions and cilantro, loads it all into his truck, and drives to a construction site around noon. This guy will sell a s**tload of tacos, and make a nice fistful of cash.

 

Alternately, you could be the guy who makes a bunch of tacos at home, and then gets upset when nobody comes knocking on his door to buy any. This guy will freak out when he can't pay his bills because nobody bought any of his tacos. He now also has a bunch of rapidly-spoiling food to deal with.

 

Do with this what you will, read into it anything you want, but ask yourself this: do I wanna be the taco truck guy, or the guy who mopes around at home?

[mahon451]

yeah but us guys have to be comfortable and content, secure with ourselves first before we become boyfriend material, seriously, why are girls so god damn attracted to guys that are comfortable and content, secure with themselves? pisses me off, that can instantly be cured if a lonely guy knows an attractive girl likes him

 

Also, this is bulls**t. I'm sorry to be harsh, but this is absolute bulls**t. It took ONE girl to make me realize that I don't want to go anywhere NEAR a woman who does not have her emotional s**t together. ANYONE, male or female, should be secure with themselves before they enter into a relationship.

 

And having a hot girl interested in you is not a magic bullet against insecurity. I've dated several hot women, and guess what? My insecurites were alive and well, and eventually ended up wrecking the relationship.

 

ADDENDUM- Since it would be dickish of me to present problems without also presenting solutions, here's my advice to you, H8- the bitterness will eat you alive, and spoil any chance of you being happy with another person. Please, for your sake, and the sake of your potential future mates, give therapy a try. You'd be amazed at how much it helps. Also, become physically active (gym?) if you aren't already- it will improve your mood and general outlook on life, and help get rid of some of that insecurtiy.

Edited June 6, 2013 by mahon451