What is the reality of my situation?

[Jaquio]

Oops! Continuing

 

 

I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 years now, but the last 3 have been rocky. After year 2, I started asking about where we were going from there. The would tell me things like " I have never been married before (I have) and I want it to be with the perfect woman". Mind you I am 30 (married and divorced in my teens and have never done it since) and he is 38!.

 

So he finally hands me a ring (literally) and was like "here, this is what you wanted right"? I mean "I" had to put on my own finger and before I did that I asked him which finger to put it on. He said "I don't care, which ever one you want to"!

 

OK, moving on. Mind you the stones started to fall out of the settings, so I stopped wearing it until I could get it reset. Then he gets laid off for about a year and made no effort to get a job. I mean really, when I left for work he was on the couch and when I returned he was still on the couch.

 

He would only leave to go to the studio (Musician) and hang with his guys. Turns out I came across some email to women that it appears he was messing around with at the time. One of them I knew and had met. He had her in my face. The email said things like "I love the way for "F" me last night? and " I love being sneaky" etc...

 

All of this while I was supporting him! I for gave him and moved on. Then he get's a job making more than I , so we decide that I should go an a trip to Mexico with my sisters for a week. We agreed that I deserved it since I had not been out of the Country in 5 years. Fine.

 

So why is it that a week after I came back from Mexico the Marshals pad locked my apt door? I was giving him the money to pay the rent but obviously that is not what he was doing with it. Mind you again, be was making more money than I.

 

I had to take out a mega loan from my JOB! to get back into my place (I'm in NYC, so imagine). It then dawned on me that he was taking me for granted. There is plenty of more stuff, but not enough time.

 

I have been telling him for sometime that my feelings for him are dying and that I am to the point where I don't when to sleep with him anymore, because I can not sleep with someone that I feel does not love me. I do love him, but feel that he does not love me back. That makes me resent him more.

 

He knows all about how I feel. SO, I meet this guy and tell him about my situation. He is fine with it and we agree to take out time and not get caught up. But over time the more we conversed more the deeper out feeling became. There is no sex involved, though we DID get STD and HIV testing. We did not want it to be a factor if we did want to go there.

 

So now my boyfriend suspects that I have met someone and now calls my job asking to speak to his "Fiance" . He wants it to be like it use to be but I can't go back there again. I want to move but because of the LOAN that I had to get from my job, I had to take a pay cut, and can not afford to move right now.

 

My new friend knows that I am falling in Love with him and he has already expressed his feelings over and over again. He is applying pressure on me to move, but I can't and don't want to move in with him or anyone else when I do. It is all financial for me. The NF says that he can't deal with the situation anymore.

 

Advice PLEASE???

 

Thanks

[She's Come Undone]

I don't really blame him! He sees what I'm sure everyone in here sees, that you should have dumped your so-called fiance light years ago.

 

Either keep him and possibly lose a REAL man, or do the right thing. He's treated you like CRAP!!! SEE IT!! LOL

 

And, no, I don't recommend moving in with anyone (except possibly a female roommate) until you heal and know where this new relationship is going. No need to make that mistake twice. Good luck!

[Jaquio]

Hi SCU,

 

Yeah you are on point with that. I guess when you are caught up in it , the reasoning is "He is going to change". Then you wake up one day and say "What the heck am I doing"!

 

I don't want my NF to walk away and I am stuck wondering what might have been. There is also the fear of the unknown, like "Is he going to turn sour too if I let him in all the way"? But That is the chance that I have to take.

 

As far as moving out, I do need to be by myself. But, I don't know any females here (NYC) except for relatives and they have their own families and I don't want to take a chance with strangers in this city. But, NOT I don't want to lose a goodman either. So I know something has got to give.