A mutual decision between friends to see 'what if'.

[rmk232]

Both my friend and myself have been friends for close to 6 or 7 years now. She used to live just in the next town and we hung out pretty regularly. She however had to move with her family away from Pennsylvania to Phoenix. My family was planning to do the same as well in a completely coincidental circumstance involving my fathers profession. Long story short, she went and I did not.

 

We kept touch through the years mildly. Here and there. I fell into two long relationships in which I was both deceived and used. When the first one ended I was an immature mess at age 19. I was taking Hydro-codine to sooth the pain in large quantities. It almost had the reverse effect and I spiraled into a deep almost suicidal depression. But hey, I was immature and it is an embarrassing point of my past. However during this time after not talking to my friend, she came out of seemingly nowhere and talked to me and checked in with me everyday to make sure I was okay.

 

There have been times I honestly forgot of her existence until she posted on Facebook or another mutual social network. She has expressed she has been the same way about me however she always contacts me first.

 

After my last relationship recently ended she came through again. We've been talking and unlike every other time, I feel drawn to talk to her. I understand this could be a rebound effect. I did go out a sleep with another woman and became infatuated with her in the little time being but quickly got bored. I've been talking to my friend now for awhile and havn't gotten the same boredom or loss of interest.

 

We had a deep conversation last night, basically expanding the idea we both wondered 'what if'. What if I had moved there. We talked that we are attracted to one another. Before this conversation she and I came up with the idea for her to come visit here and us to fly back there because we have not seen each other in so long. Now it has turned into the same thing with the exploration of if we could work out as more than friends.

 

There is a wild imaginative part of me that understand there is so potential and possibility. However I logically know there is almost more room for failure than anything. It won't be until March so there is a long time and alot that can happen in the time until then.

 

One major hang up, she has a boyfriend. I straight out said you have a boyfriend last night. She explained that he lives in a different county (Netherlands). That yes it worked but she was told he was being unloyal and cheating. When she confronted him he explained he wanted to be mature and talk face to face. She went to the Netherlands today to talk to him I guess. She said last night that honestly they were going to break up because she no longer has trust with him and that it wouldn't work with the lack of trust.

 

It's an incredibly odd situation, one that is hard to put into words so an outside opinion can fully understand every detail to see it in the way both her and I do. That is something that just is not achievable and I understand. I don't want advice on a strategy to go about this. I refuse to play games to win someone over. I don't necessarily want to win her over either. I want to see what happens. Be myself and just keep it going.

 

Does anyone have any first hand experience in the type of thing?

[redleader]

Im doing this right now with a woman too in fact (see http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/365150-bedtime-confessional-now-unsure)

 

And hell if I know either after tonight. You are absolutely right in not following her around if she is busy messing around herself, but like me it may be worth having a degree of patience with until it really apparent it will never happen, or at least it is time for you yourself to stop waiting for her.

 

Sounds like she is ready to ditch this other guy or has already. Any indication part of her move is because she does want more with you instead?