ow9 Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 (edited) Well, I had a few more developments in my apology letter to the BS story, but it appears that William has closed my thread.* Thanks, Billy. I wrote out my letter, it was short, but to the point.* Printed, stuffed, and stamped.* Well, (and this might be an entirely different thread for an entirely different day), but my exH and I are now best friends.* He was a dead beat H, I, in return, was the OW to a man twice my age.* Both of us admit to doing wrong, and truthfully, since we’ve been D, I feel he’s the only person I can truly talk to.* Yes, my exH.* You read that correctly.* I know…very bizarre. Anyway, I let him read the letter (little does he know his apology letter, which is quite the doozy, is in the works).* He told me it was the “worst idea I’ve ever had.”* I was completely joking about the exMM retaliating.* ExH, was not laughing.* So, exH comes up with this plan:* why doesn’t HE call the BS?* He said he hasn’t really talked to anyone about this, and oddly, the BS might be the only person who would understand his side.* HE would feel better.* Plus, he would be willing to tell her that yes, I am sorry, and I would be more than willing to talk to her if that is something she would ever want to do.* And in turn, the BS might feel more comfortable talking to him rather than getting some rogue letter via USPS from her husband’s OW. On a scale from one to interesting, this just got completely interesting.* So, is this a brilliant idea…or just plain silly?* If this will help my exH heal, I’m all for it.* Any exH, or BSs out there with an opinion on this? Please, I’m all hears (or, I guess, in the case of an online thread, eyes). Edited January 9, 2013 by ow9 typo Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Hmmm. You know, I have two thoughts on this. (1). I'm not sure a second hand apology would do much for me either. As well, "worst idea ever" doesn't strike me as bring on the same page as you. I would hate to see him inadvertently misrepresent you or worse. I think you were doing fine on your own. (2). From the POV os a BS (and as has been said numerous times), I wouldn't much care about your motivation for telling (apologetic is a best case scenario) but I would very much care about getting the truth in whatever way possible. "Someone" needs to tell the BW and I suppose your H is a better option than no one. Personally, I think it's best from you. Just don't let this distract you from getting it done. My $.02 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ow9 Posted January 9, 2013 Author Share Posted January 9, 2013 Oh, no I completely agree with that.* I’ve hit a point where I don’t want to tell the BS I’m sorry, I NEED to tell her.* Yet again, last night, I’m rolling around at 12:15 am, thinking about how many people I’ve hurt by being selfish.* Especially her. But after discussing this with the exH, he said he’s thought of calling the BS for a while now, but wanted to wait until he got his concealed carry license first.* What, WHAT?!* Am I just, beyond naïve?* exMM would never actually retaliate, would he?* Maybe if exH wants to call, so he can have closure, I can send my letter immediately after?* I just don’t know. Show of hands who feels this all could have very easily been avoided if I just wouldn’t have cheated in the first place.* Sigh… Link to post Share on other sites
Snowflower Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 I'm still not getting this. Did you and your exH divorce because of your affair? Or, did your exH have an affair himself while the two of you were married? If it was your exH who had the affair, why would he want to talk to the BS? Stick to your instincts on this one and don't let your exH talk you out of anything. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Just tell her and get it over with. Send the letter, or better yet call her. Naturally, if you had chosen not to get involved with a MM in the first place, you wouldn't be in this predicament. If you can't muster up the courage to tell her or send the letter, then your ex husband telling her would be the second best option. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 As a general rule---I don't believe anything good EVER comes from triangulated communication. (in fact --it's a major contributing factor to some affairs ) I'm imagining being the BS's shoes, in this scenario--I think I would feel insulted if an apology came to me via a third party. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ow9 Posted January 9, 2013 Author Share Posted January 9, 2013 No, exH never cheated on me.* He left me when I was diagnosed with cancer, thus, I had an affair. We’re both a-holes. It is what it is and it’s best we’re D.* But I still would like for him to have the opportunity to heal from what I’ve done. My exH isn’t suggesting that he apologize FOR me. But he would like to call in addition to my apology; he said he could give her a head’s up that I wanted to speak with her as well, if I wanted him to.* I agree with you all.* I still need to apologize.* If he wants to call he can.* I know I don’t deserve an opportunity to apologize to her, but I would still like one.* Link to post Share on other sites
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